Eight Dates Book Summary - Eight Dates Book explained in key points
Listen to the Intro

Eight Dates summary

John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams and Rachel Carlton Abrams

Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

4.4 (383 ratings)
22 mins

Brief summary

"Eight Dates" by John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams and Rachel Carlton Abrams is a relationship guidebook that offers eight structured conversations to strengthen and ignite a healthy and long-lasting relationship.

Table of Contents

    Eight Dates
    Summary of 8 key ideas

    Audio & text in the Blinkist app
    Key idea 1 of 8

    Trust and commitment are the cornerstones of any successful long-term relationship.

    Every relationship comes to a point where commitment begins to waver. Maybe you met an interesting person, and you begin to consider how your life might be with them instead of your partner. It’s one thing to briefly fantasize about that alternate universe. It’s another thing to do so regularly. If this is the case, you may be experiencing a lack of commitment in your current relationship.

    Commitment means being there for your partner, no matter what. Instead of allowing yourself to get involved in situations that might lead to infidelity, you avoid these situations altogether, as you know they will negatively impact the trust in your relationship. And instead of seeking out others who might not have the flaws your partner does, you talk about your feelings and needs with your partner openly. That’s true commitment, and all long-lasting relationships are built on it.

    The bedrock of commitment is trust. Trust is the oxygen that helps every relationship breathe. Trust isn’t something that happens overnight, but over months and years of helping a relationship grow. It’s built by being on time, keeping one’s promises and always being there for your partner when they’re in need. Conversely, trust is damaged when one does the opposite of these things or engages in deceitful behavior.

    One of the most important ways to build trust in a relationship is through conversation. This leads us to the first of the eight dates, which is all about trust and commitment. Before the date, identify what trust and commitment mean to you personally. It can be helpful to think about your parents, and how trust and commitment affected your family life growing up. Also, try to come up with a few examples of how your partner has shown their commitment to you recently.

    When date night arrives, it’s time to have a conversation. Take turns asking and answering questions like, “When was the last time you didn’t trust me and what could I have done differently?” Or perhaps “What can I do to prove that I am committed to you and our relationship?” And finally, “What are the differences between our definitions of trust and commitment – and how can we resolve them?”

    Want to see all full key ideas from Eight Dates?

    Key ideas in Eight Dates

    More knowledge in less time
    Read or listen
    Read or listen
    Get the key ideas from nonfiction bestsellers in minutes, not hours.
    Find your next read
    Find your next read
    Get book lists curated by experts and personalized recommendations.
    Shortcasts New
    We’ve teamed up with podcast creators to bring you key insights from podcasts.

    What is Eight Dates about?

    Eight Dates (2019) helps couples navigate the ups and downs of a relationship. Whether you’ve been married for years or have just met the love of your life, the bedrock of any relationship is quality conversation. Uncover your partner’s innermost needs and desires by going out on the eight themed dates set out by the authors in this book. But don’t stop there – the wisdom from these eight recommended dates can be applied to any date you and your partner go on.

    Eight Dates Review

    Eight Dates (2019) is a relationship guide that offers valuable insights and tools for couples to build a stronger and more meaningful connection. Here's why this book is worth reading:

    • Packed with practical exercises and conversation starters, it provides a roadmap for couples to deepen their emotional intimacy and strengthen their bond.
    • Using the authors' extensive research and real couples' experiences, this book offers evidence-based strategies that can help couples navigate common relationship challenges.
    • With its accessible and conversational tone, the book never feels dull, keeping readers engaged and motivated to apply the principles discussed.

    Who should read Eight Dates?

    • Anyone in a relationship
    • Couples looking to bring romance back into their relationship
    • Aspiring couples therapists or psychology students

    About the Author

    Dr. John M. Gottman, PhD, is an American psychological researcher, clinician and award-winning speaker. He has over four decades of experience researching divorce prediction and marital stability.

    John is married to Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD, a clinical psychologist, speaker and author. Together, they founded the Gottman Institute, a center that provides couples with research-based tools to strengthen relationships. They’ve also published multiple books on love, romance and relationships, such as The Man's Guide to Women: Scientifically Proven Secrets from the "Love Lab" About What Women Really Want and The Science of Couples and Family Therapy: Behind the Scenes at the "Love Lab."

    Dr. Rachel Carlton Abrams, MD, is an integrative physician and the author of BodyWise: Discovering Your Body's Intelligence for Lifelong Health and Healing. Her husband, Doug Abrams, is the president and founder of Idea Architects, a literary agency. He is also the author of the best seller The Book of Joy, co-authored with the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu.

    Categories with Eight Dates

    Book summaries like Eight Dates

    People ❤️ Blinkist 
    Sven O.

    It's highly addictive to get core insights on personally relevant topics without repetition or triviality. Added to that the apps ability to suggest kindred interests opens up a foundation of knowledge.

    Thi Viet Quynh N.

    Great app. Good selection of book summaries you can read or listen to while commuting. Instead of scrolling through your social media news feed, this is a much better way to spend your spare time in my opinion.

    Jonathan A.

    Life changing. The concept of being able to grasp a book's main point in such a short time truly opens multiple opportunities to grow every area of your life at a faster rate.

    Renee D.

    Great app. Addicting. Perfect for wait times, morning coffee, evening before bed. Extremely well written, thorough, easy to use.

    People also liked these summaries

    4.7 Stars
    Average ratings on iOS and Google Play
    31 Million
    Downloads on all platforms
    10+ years
    Experience igniting personal growth
    Powerful ideas from top nonfiction

    Try Blinkist to get the key ideas from 7,000+ bestselling nonfiction titles and podcasts. Listen or read in just 15 minutes.

    Start your free trial

    Eight Dates FAQs 

    What is the main message of Eight Dates?

    Eight Dates teaches couples how to build a stronger relationship by engaging in intentional and meaningful conversations.

    How long does it take to read Eight Dates?

    The estimated reading time for Eight Dates is several hours. The Blinkist summary can be read in just 15 minutes.

    Is Eight Dates a good book? Is it worth reading?

    Eight Dates is a valuable read for couples looking to improve their relationships. It offers practical guidance and insights in a concise format.

    Who is the author of Eight Dates?

    The authors of Eight Dates are John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams, and Rachel Carlton Abrams.

    What to read after Eight Dates?

    If you're wondering what to read next after Eight Dates, here are some recommendations we suggest:
    • Deeper Dating by Ken Page
    • Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller
    • Securely Attached by Eli Harwood
    • The Love Prescription by John Gottman & Julie Schwartz Gottman
    • The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver
    • Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix
    • The Man's Guide to Women by John Gottman
    • How to Be the Love You Seek by Nicole LePera
    • Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari and Erik Klinenberg
    • The Relationship Cure by John M. Gottman and Joan DeClaire