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Blink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
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Eight Dates summary
John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams and Rachel Carlton Abrams
Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
22 mins
Brief summary
"Eight Dates" by John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams and Rachel Carlton Abrams is a relationship guidebook that offers eight structured conversations to strengthen and ignite a healthy and long-lasting relationship.
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Eight Dates
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Key idea 1 of 8
Trust and commitment are the cornerstones of any successful long-term relationship.
Every relationship comes to a point where commitment begins to waver. Maybe you met an interesting person, and you begin to consider how your life might be with them instead of your partner. It’s one thing to briefly fantasize about that alternate universe. It’s another thing to do so regularly. If this is the case, you may be experiencing a lack of commitment in your current relationship.
Commitment means being there for your partner, no matter what. Instead of allowing yourself to get involved in situations that might lead to infidelity, you avoid these situations altogether, as you know they will negatively impact the trust in your relationship. And instead of seeking out others who might not have the flaws your partner does, you talk about your feelings and needs with your partner openly. That’s true commitment, and all long-lasting relationships are built on it.
The bedrock of commitment is trust. Trust is the oxygen that helps every relationship breathe. Trust isn’t something that happens overnight, but over months and years of helping a relationship grow. It’s built by being on time, keeping one’s promises and always being there for your partner when they’re in need. Conversely, trust is damaged when one does the opposite of these things or engages in deceitful behavior.
One of the most important ways to build trust in a relationship is through conversation. This leads us to the first of the eight dates, which is all about trust and commitment. Before the date, identify what trust and commitment mean to you personally. It can be helpful to think about your parents, and how trust and commitment affected your family life growing up. Also, try to come up with a few examples of how your partner has shown their commitment to you recently.
When date night arrives, it’s time to have a conversation. Take turns asking and answering questions like, “When was the last time you didn’t trust me and what could I have done differently?” Or perhaps “What can I do to prove that I am committed to you and our relationship?” And finally, “What are the differences between our definitions of trust and commitment – and how can we resolve them?”
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What is Eight Dates about?
Eight Dates (2019) helps couples navigate the ups and downs of a relationship. Whether you’ve been married for years or have just met the love of your life, the bedrock of any relationship is quality conversation. Uncover your partner’s innermost needs and desires by going out on the eight themed dates set out by the authors in this book. But don’t stop there – the wisdom from these eight recommended dates can be applied to any date you and your partner go on.
Eight Dates Review
Eight Dates (2019) is a relationship guide that offers valuable insights and tools for couples to build a stronger and more meaningful connection. Here's why this book is worth reading:
- Packed with practical exercises and conversation starters, it provides a roadmap for couples to deepen their emotional intimacy and strengthen their bond.
- Using the authors' extensive research and real couples' experiences, this book offers evidence-based strategies that can help couples navigate common relationship challenges.
- With its accessible and conversational tone, the book never feels dull, keeping readers engaged and motivated to apply the principles discussed.
Who should read Eight Dates?
- Anyone in a relationship
- Couples looking to bring romance back into their relationship
- Aspiring couples therapists or psychology students
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Eight Dates FAQs
What is the main message of Eight Dates?
Eight Dates teaches couples how to build a stronger relationship by engaging in intentional and meaningful conversations.
How long does it take to read Eight Dates?
The estimated reading time for Eight Dates is several hours. The Blinkist summary can be read in just 15 minutes.
Is Eight Dates a good book? Is it worth reading?
Eight Dates is a valuable read for couples looking to improve their relationships. It offers practical guidance and insights in a concise format.
Who is the author of Eight Dates?
The authors of Eight Dates are John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams, and Rachel Carlton Abrams.
What to read after Eight Dates?
If you're wondering what to read next after Eight Dates, here are some recommendations we suggest:
- Deeper Dating by Ken Page
- Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller
- The Man's Guide to Women by John Gottman
- Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix
- The Love Prescription by John Gottman & Julie Schwartz Gottman
- The Relationship Cure by John M. Gottman and Joan DeClaire
- Securely Attached by Eli Harwood
- The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver
- Relationship Goals by Michael Todd
- The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman