No More Mr. Nice Guy! Book Summary - No More Mr. Nice Guy! Book explained in key points

Listen to the Intro

00:00

No More Mr. Nice Guy! summary

Name: No More Mr. Nice Guy!
Rating: 4.2 (432 reviews)
Author: Robert A. Glover

Robert A. Glover

A Proven Plan for Getting what You Want in Love, Sex, and Life

4.2 (432 ratings)

19 mins

Brief summary

No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert A. Glover is a self-help book that helps men break free from the 'nice guy' syndrome and embrace their true selves for a more fulfilling life.

Topics

Love Sex Goals Confidence Personality Happy

Table of Contents

No More Mr. Nice Guy!
Summary of 6 key ideas

Audio & text in the Blinkist app

Key idea 1 of 6

What’s in it for me? Recover from Nice Guy Syndrome.

In the last five decades, the “traditional family” has changed considerably. The result is a new breed of men – Dr. Robert Glover calls them “Nice Guys” – who’ve been brought up believing they need the approval of others – especially women.

These men are happiest when they’re making other people happy. They avoid conflict. They’re peaceful and generous. And above all, they want to be different from other men.

When a man demonstrates all of these qualities, in return he gets to be happy, loved, and fulfilled, right?

Unfortunately, the answer to that is a resounding no! It’s a complete myth.

In this Blink to Dr. Robert Glover’s No More Mr. Nice Guy, we’ll explore how to identify whether you’re a Nice Guy and how that might have happened, how you can learn to love yourself and regain your masculinity, and finally, how to get the love and sex that you want.

What’s a Nice Guy and am I one, too?

Nice Guys are everywhere. If you’re listening to/reading this, chances are that you think you’re one too.

Typical traits of Nice Guys include letting their partners manage everything, doing anything for anyone, avoiding conflict, telling people who work for them exactly what they want to hear, avoiding rocking the boat and as a consequence getting walked over, never saying no, being dependable and reliable, suppressing their feelings … the list goes on and on, but you get the picture.

Okay, so many men have one or two of these traits, but Nice Guys? Well, they seem to have a considerable number. But is that such a bad thing?

Actually, yes. You see, calling these men “Nice Guys” is a bit of a misnomer. They can be anything but nice.

To achieve what they want, Nice Guys can be dishonest, secretive, manipulative, and controlling. Sometimes, they might appear to be generous, but in reality, they never give if they don’t also expect to get. They crave appreciation or some other reciprocation in return. What’s more, Nice Guys can become passive-aggressive in their behavior, venting their frustration and resentment. And in addition to all of that, they also find it difficult to set boundaries.

But here’s something we really should make clear before we go much further: recovery from what Glover terms Nice Guy Syndrome is absolutely not about becoming the complete opposite. It’s not about not being nice anymore, it’s about becoming “integrated.”

That means accepting yourself as you are – your uniqueness, assertiveness, courage, passion, imperfections, and mistakes. It means taking responsibility for your own needs, being comfortable with your masculinity, expressing your feelings, setting those all-important boundaries, and working through conflict. Put simply, It means accepting your perfect imperfection.

If you’re serious about breaking free from Nice Guy syndrome, you need to find safe people who’ll help you – a therapist, therapy group, religious leader, or a close friend. Glover also says that since most Nice Guys are seeking the approval of women, to be truly effective, you should start your recovery with other men, not women.

So before we turn to how to recover from Nice Guy syndrome, in the next section, we’ll quickly cover how you became a Nice Guy in the first place.

How did I become a Nice Guy?

Glover has spent many years working with Nice Guys. His conclusion is that Nice Guys don’t feel that it’s safe or acceptable for them just to be who they are. They believe that being themselves is somehow bad or even dangerous. As a consequence, they become a Nice Guy as a coping mechanism. But why would they believe this? Well, as is often the case, it begins in childhood.

As babies and young children, we’re entirely dependent on others to respond to our needs promptly. As a result, our greatest fear is one of abandonment. We’re all pretty much egocentric at that age too – we’re the center of our own universe, everything revolves around us. That generates a problem: we end up believing that we’re the cause of everything that happens around us.

How can I learn to please myself and make myself a priority?

Nice guys find it impossible to believe that anyone will like them just as they are because of their toxic shame. So they set out on a quest: they seek approval for everything they do. Getting that approval is what, to them, validates their worth.

So let’s look at three things you can do today to set you on your road to recovery.

How can I reclaim my personal power and masculinity?

Personal power is the power within you to meet problems, challenges, and adversity head-on. When you exhibit personal power, not only do you deal with these, you actively welcome them. It’s not that you’re unafraid. Actually, it’s because you are afraid that you have the power – you simply don’t give in to your fear.

So what can you do to reclaim that personal power? Here are six things you can start today:

How can I get the love and the sex that I want?

Here’s the thing. You’re never going to find the perfect partner and your relationship is never going to be perfect, either. So to help you get the love you want, here are two things that you can do to make sure your relationship works:

First, approve of yourself. Live your life exactly how you want. People who like you for who you are will stick around. And those who don’t? Well, they won’t.

Final Summary

You’ve seen what constitutes a Nice Guy and how childhood experiences can create Nice Guy Syndrome. You’ve also discovered what you can do to recover from this.

But now, there are two final questions you should ask yourself about your life: Is the life you’re creating the one you want? And if the answer to that is no, why not?

Want to see all full key ideas from No More Mr. Nice Guy!?

Key ideas in No More Mr. Nice Guy!

More knowledge in less time

Read or listen

Get the key ideas from nonfiction bestsellers in minutes, not hours.

Find your next read

Get book lists curated by experts and personalized recommendations.

Shortcasts ^New

We’ve teamed up with podcast creators to bring you key insights from podcasts.

What is No More Mr. Nice Guy! about?

No More Mr. Nice Guy (2000) is the Nice Guy’s guide to recovery. Learn how to stop seeking the approval of others, live your life the way you want to, and ultimately get the love, life, and sex that you crave but that your Nice Guy Syndrome actually stops you from achieving.

No More Mr. Nice Guy! Review

No More Mr Nice Guy (2003) by Robert A. Glover offers valuable insights for men who want to break free from the 'nice guy' mold. Here's why this book is a must-read:

It provides practical strategies for men to overcome limiting beliefs and behaviors.
The book helps men embrace their true selves and improve their relationships.
It offers a fresh perspective on masculinity, challenging societal norms and expectations.

Unlock your potential and transform your life by reading No More Mr Nice Guy today.

Who should read No More Mr. Nice Guy!?

Men who want to take control of their lives
Men who want to find love – and with it, good sex
Women who want to help their Nice Guy become the man they really want

About the Author

Dr. Robert Glover has helped change the lives of both men and women around the globe. He’s a renowned authority on Nice Guy Syndrome and the author of Dating Essentials for Men. He’s also the director of TPI University and a licensed marriage and family therapist.

Categories with No More Mr. Nice Guy!

Sex & Relationships Psychology

Book summaries like No More Mr. Nice Guy!

How to Be a 3% Man

Corey Wayne

Winning the Heart of the Woman of Your Dreams

16 min

3.9

The 33 Strategies of War

Robert Greene

A Comprehensive Guide to the Subtle Social Game of Everyday Life

16 min

4.1

The Man's Guide to Women

John Gottman

Scientifically Proven Secrets from the "Love Lab" About What Women Really Want

Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists

16 min

2.7

The Courage to Be Disliked

Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga

The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness

Myths about genius and what it really means to be great

An examination of the amoral game and techniques of seducers

Sexual Strategy for Men and Insight Into the Red Pill Ideology

How to Drop the Games of Seduction and Discover the Power of Intimacy

18 min

4.3

In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts

Gabor Maté

Close Encounters with Addiction

The Psychology of Human Relationships

17 min

3.5

The Stoic Path to Wealth

Darius Foroux

Ancient Wisdom for Enduring Prosperity

15 min

4.4

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

Mark Manson

A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones

The Psychology of Persuasion

33 min

4.5

The Overthinking In Relationships Fix

Rodney Noble

Toxic Thoughts That Can Destroy Your Relationship And How To Fix Them

The classic text that proves the power of positive thinking

8 min

4.3

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

John Gray

A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships

Little Things That Can Change Your Life… And Maybe The World

11 min

4.0

Difficult Conversations Don't Have to Be Difficult

Jon Gordon & Amy P. Kelly

A Simple, Smart Way to Make Your Relationships and Team Better

19 min

3.9

Building Your Money Machine with ChatGPT

Larry Wheeler

Use AI to Generate Ideas, Automate Marketing, and Build Profits

17 min

3.7

Red Flags, Green Flags

Ali Fenwick

Modern Psychology for Everyday Drama

15 min

4.1

Help Me, I Have No Discipline and Zero Self-Control

Vaughn Carter

The Secret Formula to Breaking Bad Habits, Mastering Mental Toughness, and Reaching Your Goals

18 min

4.3

Single, Dating, Engaged, Married

Ben Stuart

Navigating Life and Love in the Modern Age

The secret methods to getting what you want

33 min

4.1

How to Stop Breaking Your Own Heart

Meggan Roxanne

Stop People-Pleasing, Set Boundaries, and Heal from Self-Sabotage

18 min

4.3

The Happiness Advantage

Shawn Achor

The Seven Principles that Fuel Success and Performance at Work

The Path to Fulfilling and Sustainable Sexuality

Collected works from the supreme theorist of the conscious

20 min

4.6

Buddhism – Plain and Simple

Steve Hagen

The Practice of Being Aware, Right Now, Every Day

11 min

4.3

Ikigai

Hector Garcia Puigcerver and Francesc Miralles

The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life

Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century

The Surprising Connection Between Metabolism and Limitless Health

18 min

4.2

Discipline Is Destiny

Ryan Holiday

The Power of Self-Control

Uncover Key Ethical Questions Shaping Our Actions and Choices

Rethinking Infidelity

7 Steps to Living Your Best Life

13 min

4.0

The Art of Encouragement

Jordan Montgomery

How to Lead Teams, Spread Love, and Serve from the Heart

22 min

4.4

How Highly Effective People Speak

Peter Andrei

How High Performers Use Psychology to Influence With Ease

16 min

4.3

How to Think Like a Roman Emperor

Donald Robertson

The Stoic Philosophy of Marcus Aurelius

20 min

4.7

The Little Book of Stoicism

Jonas Salzgeber

Timeless Wisdom to Gain Resilience, Confidence, and Calmness

5 min

3.8

The Fine Art Of Small Talk

Debra Fine

How To Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills – and Leave a Positive Impression!

19 min

4.0

The Art of War (new version)

Sun Tzu

Classic military strategy for politics, business, and everyday life

11 min

4.1

Million Dollar Weekend

Noah Kagan

The Surprisingly Simple Way to Launch a 7-Figure Business in 48 Hours

The Inside Story of How Social Media Rewired Our Minds and Our World

Philosophical Insights on Death

4 min

4.2

Building a Second Brain

Tiago Forte

A Proven Method to Organize Your Digital Life and Unlock Your Creative Potential

19 min

4.5

The Power of Not Thinking

Simon Roberts

How Our Bodies Learn and Why We Should Trust Them

17 min

How to Win Friends & Influence People

Dale Carnegie

Basic rules for how to make a good first impression

18 min

4.6

The Six Disciplines of Strategic Thinking

Michael D. Watkins

Leading Your Organization Into the Future

20 min

4.1

People ❤️ Blinkist

Sven O.

It's highly addictive to get core insights on personally relevant topics without repetition or triviality. Added to that the apps ability to suggest kindred interests opens up a foundation of knowledge.

Thi Viet Quynh N.

Great app. Good selection of book summaries you can read or listen to while commuting. Instead of scrolling through your social media news feed, this is a much better way to spend your spare time in my opinion.

Jonathan A.

Life changing. The concept of being able to grasp a book's main point in such a short time truly opens multiple opportunities to grow every area of your life at a faster rate.

Renee D.

Great app. Addicting. Perfect for wait times, morning coffee, evening before bed. Extremely well written, thorough, easy to use.