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Blink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
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No More Mr. Nice Guy! summary
Dr. Robert A. Glover
A Proven Plan for Getting what You Want in Love, Sex, and Life
4.3 (109 ratings)
19 mins
6 key ideas
Audio & text
What is No More Mr. Nice Guy! about?
No More Mr. Nice Guy (2000) is the Nice Guy’s guide to recovery. Learn how to stop seeking the approval of others, live your life the way you want to, and ultimately get the love, life, and sex that you crave but that your Nice Guy Syndrome actually stops you from achieving.
About the Author
Dr. Robert Glover has helped change the lives of both men and women around the globe. He’s a renowned authority on Nice Guy Syndrome and the author of Dating Essentials for Men. He’s also the director of TPI University and a licensed marriage and family therapist.
Table of Contents
No More Mr. Nice Guy!
summarized in 6 key ideas
Audio & text in the Blinkist app
Key idea 1 of 6
What’s a Nice Guy and am I one, too?
Nice Guys are everywhere. If you’re listening to/reading this, chances are that you think you’re one too.
Typical traits of Nice Guys include letting their partners manage everything, doing anything for anyone, avoiding conflict, telling people who work for them exactly what they want to hear, avoiding rocking the boat and as a consequence getting walked over, never saying no, being dependable and reliable, suppressing their feelings … the list goes on and on, but you get the picture.
Okay, so many men have one or two of these traits, but Nice Guys? Well, they seem to have a considerable number. But is that such a bad thing?
Actually, yes. You see, calling these men “Nice Guys” is a bit of a misnomer. They can be anything but nice.
To achieve what they want, Nice Guys can be dishonest, secretive, manipulative, and controlling. Sometimes, they might appear to be generous, but in reality, they never give if they don’t also expect to get. They crave appreciation or some other reciprocation in return. What’s more, Nice Guys can become passive-aggressive in their behavior, venting their frustration and resentment. And in addition to all of that, they also find it difficult to set boundaries.
But here’s something we really should make clear before we go much further: recovery from what Glover terms Nice Guy Syndrome is absolutely not about becoming the complete opposite. It’s not about not being nice anymore, it’s about becoming “integrated.”
That means accepting yourself as you are – your uniqueness, assertiveness, courage, passion, imperfections, and mistakes. It means taking responsibility for your own needs, being comfortable with your masculinity, expressing your feelings, setting those all-important boundaries, and working through conflict. Put simply, It means accepting your perfect imperfection.
If you’re serious about breaking free from Nice Guy syndrome, you need to find safe people who’ll help you – a therapist, therapy group, religious leader, or a close friend. Glover also says that since most Nice Guys are seeking the approval of women, to be truly effective, you should start your recovery with other men, not women.
So before we turn to how to recover from Nice Guy syndrome, in the next section, we’ll quickly cover how you became a Nice Guy in the first place.
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Who should read No More Mr. Nice Guy!
- Men who want to take control of their lives
- Men who want to find love – and with it, good sex
- Women who want to help their Nice Guy become the man they really want
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