The Man's Guide to Women Book Summary - The Man's Guide to Women Book explained in key points
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The Man's Guide to Women summary

John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottmann, Douglas Abrams, Rachel Carlton Abrams

Scientifically Proven Secrets from the "Love Lab" About What Women Really Want

4.1 (256 ratings)
18 mins

Brief summary

The Man's Guide to Women offers valuable insights into the female psyche and provides practical advice for building and maintaining a successful relationship. It delves into the differences between men and women and offers strategies for effective communication and understanding.

Table of Contents

    The Man's Guide to Women
    Summary of 5 key ideas

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    The one thing that women want

    Comedians have joked about it. Psychologists have analyzed it. Chances are, you’ve spent many a night lying awake ruminating on it: What is it that women actually want?

    Believe it or not, this question has a clear, one-word answer: trustworthiness.

    Now, before you pat yourself on the back for not lying to and stealing from the women in your life, know that this goes a bit deeper. It’s about reliability – you need to be consistent and accountable in your actions.

    The desire for trustworthiness comes from evolution. For centuries, women relied on men to protect them and their children. Even today, when a father isn’t a reliable part of the family, children are five times more likely to grow up in poverty. Men are an important element of a relationship, and women need to be able to trust that they’ll be there for them.

    This is a concern that’s subconsciously going through the mind of any woman you meet – and that’ll be a deciding factor in whether or not she sees you as a potential partner.

    To boost your trustworthiness score, you need to demonstrate that you’ll be there for her. The best way to do this is to make her feel heard and respected. If she feels like you care about her, she’ll see you as trustworthy.

    Keep this acronym in mind whenever you’re communicating with a woman: A-TT-U-N-E.

    The A is for attend. If a woman is talking to you, let her know that you’re paying attention. Switch off the football game, or stop scrolling through your phone. Attention is the best way to show love, and it should be undivided.

    The double Ts stand for turn Toward her. Eye contact, physical orientation, and face-to-face conversation are all signs of intimacy for a woman.

    Next comes U, for understand. Your undivided attention is useless if you’re not comprehending what she’s saying. Ask questions, and make it clear that you’re on the same page. Don’t try to offer solutions or distract from the problem.

    Then there’s N, which stands for nondefensively listening. If you’ve followed the steps up to now, this should come easily. Don’t let yourself get worked up – especially if the problem she’s talking about is you.

    Finally, bring it home with E, for empathize. If you can’t pick up on how she’s feeling from body language, simply ask her. Let her emotions feel valued and heard. It doesn’t matter who’s wrong or right – that’s not the goal here.

    If you can learn to attune to a woman, it will set the foundation for every aspect of your relationship. Conflicts, sex, dating – everything.

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    What is The Man's Guide to Women about?

    The Man’s Guide to Women (2016) is a comprehensive and scientifically backed look into the mind, emotions, and habits of women. Drawing on decades of research, it examines the hidden and not so hidden factors that drive women’s behavior and leave many men perplexed. Whether you’re married, dating, or just looking to better understand the women in your life, there’s always room to learn and add a little more compassion into your relationships.

    The Man's Guide to Women Review

    The Man's Guide to Women (2016) is a valuable book that explores the complexities of romantic relationships and offers practical advice. Here's why you should pick it up:

    • Packed with insightful, actionable strategies, it empowers men to better understand and connect with the women in their lives.
    • By combining scientific research, real-life stories, and expert advice, the book provides a comprehensive guide to navigating the intricacies of relationships.
    • Its engaging storytelling and relatable examples make it an informative yet enjoyable read, ensuring that it doesn’t bore you.

    Who should read The Man's Guide to Women?

    • Romance-seekers who are terrified at the thought of wooing a woman
    • Married or committed men looking to better connect with their female partner
    • Anyone who wants a healthier relationship with the women in their lives

    About the Author

    John Gottman is a psychologist and professor specializing in relationships and divorce. He is the founder of the “Love Lab” – an apartment-like laboratory concept set up to gather observations on couples’ interactions. Gottman has published over 200 academic articles and 42 books, including The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.

    Julie Schwartz Gottman is a psychologist, researcher, and public speaker focused on strengthening relationships through psychotherapy. She helped create The Art and Science of Love, a series of weekend workshops for couples.

    Douglas Abrams is the founder of Idea Architects, a book and media development agency that helps visionaries create a more just world through writing. He has coauthored several books dealing with intimacy and spirituality, including The Multi-Orgasmic Man and The Multi-Orgasmic Couple.

    Rachel Carlton Abrams holds a master’s degree in Holistic Health and Medical Sciences from the University of California, Berkeley, and is certified in both Family Medicine and Integrative and Holistic Medicine. She runs workshops dealing with sexuality, relationships, and health.

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    The Man's Guide to Women FAQs 

    What is the main message of The Man's Guide to Women?

    The main message of The Man's Guide to Women is to help men understand and connect with women on a deeper level.

    How long does it take to read The Man's Guide to Women?

    The reading time for The Man's Guide to Women varies, but it typically takes several hours. The Blinkist summary can be read in just 15 minutes.

    Is The Man's Guide to Women a good book? Is it worth reading?

    The Man's Guide to Women is worth reading for its valuable insights and practical advice, making it a valuable resource for men looking to improve their relationships with women.

    Who is the author of The Man's Guide to Women?

    The authors of The Man's Guide to Women are John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottmann, Douglas Abrams, and Rachel Carlton Abrams.

    What to read after The Man's Guide to Women?

    If you're wondering what to read next after The Man's Guide to Women, here are some recommendations we suggest:
    • Smart Sex by Emily Morse
    • How to Be a 3% Man by Corey Wayne
    • No More Mr. Nice Guy! by Robert A. Glover
    • Eight Dates by John Gottman
    • She Comes First by Ian Kerner
    • The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi
    • Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray
    • Magnificent Sex by Peggy J. Kleinplatz and A. Dana Ménard
    • The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver
    • The Love Prescription by John Gottman & Julie Schwartz Gottman