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Attached summary

Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller

The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love

4.3 (343 ratings)
15 mins

Brief summary

'Attached' by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller is a psychology book that explores how our attachment styles impact our relationships. It provides insights into why we are attracted to certain people, how to build more secure relationships, and avoid common pitfalls.

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    Attached
    Summary of 8 key ideas

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    Everybody needs attachment to live a healthy and happy life.

    We’re all familiar with that creeping feeling when we know our partner won’t be around for a while: distress. What is it that causes this feeling?

    The distress of being away from our partner is caused by our feelings of attachment for one another.

    But what exactly is attachment?

    Attachment is a strong bond that two people share with each other, a bond which lasts over time and also forms a special need to keep in contact with one another. It could take the form of a mother-child relationship, or the form of a romantic relationship between two adults.

    Interestingly, forming these bonds comes with many benefits. Having a close personal relationship with someone gives us a secure emotional foundation, which then helps us remain calm even in strenuous situations.

    Being able to hold your partner’s hand during times of stress, for example, gives you support, knowing that this special someone will help you through the trouble. This connection makes even the most distressing situations feel much less frightening.

    This was verified in a study that aimed to find out more about the healing effects of attachment by placing female participants in a stressful situation, but giving some participants the opportunity to hold their partner’s hand.

    Researchers found that when a participant was able to hold her partner’s hand, her hypothalamus, that is the part of the brain that makes us feel emotional pressure, was less active than when she had to endure the stress alone.

    Conversely, those who lack the bonds created by attachment are at greater risk of unhappiness and serious health risks.

    In fact, when we find ourselves in an unhappy relationship, we don’t only suffer emotionally but also physically.

    For example, if you aren’t satisfied with your marriage, your partner’s presence will actually raise your blood pressure due to the discomfort you feel when you’re around them. As long as you are in their proximity, your blood pressure will remain high, which can eventually lead to serious medical problems, such as heart disease.

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    What is Attached about?

    Attached (2010) is all about how to make your relationships work. This book offers you valuable insight into the science of adult attachment and how to use this insight in everyday life, whether you’re in a committed relationship or are still looking for love. It also provides tips and tricks on how to find the perfect partner and reveals why some people just aren’t compatible.

    Attached Review

    Attached (2010) explores the science behind adult attachment and how it plays a pivotal role in our relationships. Here's why this book is worth reading:

    • With its insightful analysis and practical advice, it sheds light on the dynamics of attachment styles and offers guidance on creating healthier and more fulfilling connections.
    • By drawing on extensive research and real-life examples, it provides a comprehensive understanding of the impact attachment has on our emotional well-being.
    • The book's ability to relate and resonate with readers, thanks to relatable stories and relatable experiences, ensures that it remains engaging and far from boring.

    Best quote from Attached

    In a true partnership, both partners view it as their responsibility to ensure the others emotional well-being.

    —Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller
    example alt text

    Who should read Attached?

    • Anyone who wants to make a current relationship happier and more fulfilling
    • Anyone who is struggling to find “the one”
    • Anyone who just doesn’t understand why their relationships never work out

    About the Author

    Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller are close friends who decided to write a book to help others make better decisions in their romantic lives.

    Dr. Levine grew up in Israel and is a psychiatrist and neuroscientist. He is also the principal investigator for a research project sponsored by the National Institutes of Health. Heller graduated from Columbia University with a master’s degree in social-organizational psychology, and has worked for a number of management consulting firms, including PriceWaterhouseCoopers, KPMG Consulting and Towers Perrin.

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    Attached FAQs 

    What is the main message of Attached?

    The main message of Attached is understanding attachment styles to improve relationships.

    How long does it take to read Attached?

    The reading time for Attached varies but the Blinkist summary can be read in just 15 minutes.

    Is Attached a good book? Is it worth reading?

    Attached is a valuable read for anyone looking to enhance their relationships. It provides insights into attachment styles and practical advice for improving connection.

    Who is the author of Attached?

    The authors of Attached are Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller.