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Attached
The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love
Attached (2010) is all about how to make your relationships work. This book offers you valuable insight into the science of adult attachment and how to use this insight in everyday life, whether you’re in a committed relationship or are still looking for love. It also provides tips and tricks on how to find the perfect partner and reveals why some people just aren’t compatible.
- Anyone who wants to make a current relationship happier and more fulfilling
- Anyone who is struggling to find “the one”
- Anyone who just doesn’t understand why their relationships never work out
Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller are close friends who decided to write a book to help others make better decisions in their romantic lives.
Dr. Levine grew up in Israel and is a psychiatrist and neuroscientist. He is also the principal investigator for a research project sponsored by the National Institutes of Health. Heller graduated from Columbia University with a master’s degree in social-organizational psychology, and has worked for a number of management consulting firms, including PriceWaterhouseCoopers, KPMG Consulting and Towers Perrin.
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Attached
The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love
- Read in 15 minutes
- Contains 9 key ideas
Synopsis
Attached (2010) is all about how to make your relationships work. This book offers you valuable insight into the science of adult attachment and how to use this insight in everyday life, whether you’re in a committed relationship or are still looking for love. It also provides tips and tricks on how to find the perfect partner and reveals why some people just aren’t compatible.
Key idea 1 of 9
Everybody needs attachment to live a healthy and happy life.
We’re all familiar with that creeping feeling when we know our partner won’t be around for a while: distress. What is it that causes this feeling?
The distress of being away from our partner is caused by our feelings of attachment for one another.
But what exactly is attachment?
Attachment is a strong bond that two people share with each other, a bond which lasts over time and also forms a special need to keep in contact with one another. It could take the form of a mother-child relationship, or the form of a romantic relationship between two adults.
Interestingly, forming these bonds comes with many benefits. Having a close personal relationship with someone gives us a secure emotional foundation, which then helps us remain calm even in strenuous situations.
Being able to hold your partner’s hand during times of stress, for example, gives you support, knowing that this special someone will help you through the trouble. This connection makes even the most distressing situations feel much less frightening.
This was verified in a study that aimed to find out more about the healing effects of attachment by placing female participants in a stressful situation, but giving some participants the opportunity to hold their partner’s hand.
Researchers found that when a participant was able to hold her partner’s hand, her hypothalamus, that is the part of the brain that makes us feel emotional pressure, was less active than when she had to endure the stress alone.
Conversely, those who lack the bonds created by attachment are at greater risk of unhappiness and serious health risks.
In fact, when we find ourselves in an unhappy relationship, we don’t only suffer emotionally but also physically.
For example, if you aren’t satisfied with your marriage, your partner’s presence will actually raise your blood pressure due to the discomfort you feel when you’re around them. As long as you are in their proximity, your blood pressure will remain high, which can eventually lead to serious medical problems, such as heart disease.
Key ideas in this title
- Everybody needs attachment to live a healthy and happy life.
- The basic need for attachment is in our genes and is influenced by our life experiences.
- People with an anxious attachment style need intimacy and tend to fret about their relationships.
- Having an avoidant attachment style means a person craves independence in a relationship.
- People with a secure attachment style “go with the flow,” and are also the most common.
- Effective communication will ensure that you find the best partner and keep that partner.
- Knowing how to deal with conflicts will make a relationship work.
- Don’t waste your time with a partner who cannot fulfill your needs in a relationship.
- Final summary
