Deeper Dating Book Summary - Deeper Dating Book explained in key points
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Deeper Dating summary

Ken Page

How to Drop the Games of Seduction and Discover the Power of Intimacy

4.3 (399 ratings)
18 mins

Brief summary

Deeper Dating by Ken Page is a guide to finding meaningful connections in love. He shows readers how to embrace their core gifts and vulnerabilities to find deeper and more fulfilling relationships, rather than settling for surface-level interactions.

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    Deeper Dating
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    Discovering your Core Gifts will lead you to love.

    If you’ve ever tried to find your way through a maze, you’ll know that it’s a challenge. Some routes lead to dead ends, while others make you feel like you’re going around in circles. When you think about it, navigating a maze isn’t that different from looking for love. Except in the search for love, the obstacles aren’t fun challenges – they’re points of frustration.

    But here’s something interesting: There’s a trick to navigating mazes, and it applies to finding love, too.

    When you start at the center of a maze and work your way out, it’s easy to see exactly which route to take. And you can find love in the same way: by starting at your center – or, more precisely, your core.

    The key message here is: Discovering your Core Gifts will lead you to love.

    Your Core Gifts are the parts of you that are highly sensitive. When they’re stimulated, you can be incredibly inspired or terribly hurt. And since these are your Core Gifts, they’re not the same as other people’s. For instance, an experience that moves you deeply might do nothing for someone else. Or a friend might easily brush off a slight that leaves you fuming.

    Being highly sensitive means that your Core Gifts are also the areas most affected by love and intimacy. This makes connecting with them essential when looking for a partner. But in order to connect with these gifts, you need to identify them. And you can do this by exploring what brings you joy as well as pain.

    Reflect on times you’ve felt joy and fulfillment in a relationship – romantic or otherwise – and ask yourself which parts of you those moments spoke to the most. For example, maybe a partner supported and encouraged your ambition, making you feel seen. This would make ambition one of your Core Gifts.

    Then consider things about which you’ve felt pain or shame. It’s common to feel hurt or insecure when your Core Gifts are misunderstood or disregarded. If you’re ashamed of being a quiet person, for instance, your Core Gift might be deep humility that hasn’t been appreciated or healthily expressed. 

    By paying attention to what makes you feel inspired or hurt, you can discover your Core Gifts. And this is where the magic happens, right at the heart of the maze: Your deepest connections will be with people who value the gifts you have to offer.

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    What is Deeper Dating about?

    Deeper Dating (2014) is a roadmap to intimacy and loving relationships. It breaks down how looking inward can help us identify the kinds of people we’ll connect with most deeply, and shares tools for finding these people and fostering relationships that will inspire and fulfill us.

    Deeper Dating Review

    Deeper Dating (2014) is a book that explores the transformative power of intimacy and how it can help us find deep and meaningful connections with others. Here's why this book is definitely worth reading:

    • It offers a fresh perspective on dating and relationships, emphasizing the importance of authenticity and vulnerability as a path to true connection.
    • Through personal stories and practical exercises, the book provides insightful tools for self-reflection and growth, helping readers navigate the complexities of dating and find lasting love.
    • Grounded in psychology and spirituality, it combines research-backed insights with a compassionate understanding of human emotions, making it both enlightening and relatable.

    Best quote from Deeper Dating

    When were feeling brave, and connected to the warmth of our humanity, our chances of meeting someone special increase exponentially.

    —Ken Page
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    Who should read Deeper Dating?

    • Singles frustrated by popular dating advice
    • Couples looking to strengthen their bonds
    • Those who want to understand attraction and relationships

    About the Author

    KEN PAGE, LCSW, is a renowned psychotherapist, and a leading voice of hope and wisdom for everyone seeking to find and cultivate healthy, lasting love. He is the host of The Deeper Dating Podcast, the co-founder of Deeperdating.com; and the author of Deeper Dating: How to Drop the Games of Seduction and Discover the Power of Intimacy.

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    Deeper Dating FAQs 

    What is the main message of Deeper Dating?

    The main message of Deeper Dating is that finding true love starts with embracing our authentic selves.

    How long does it take to read Deeper Dating?

    The reading time for Deeper Dating varies depending on the reader's speed. However, the Blinkist summary can be read in just 15 minutes.

    Is Deeper Dating a good book? Is it worth reading?

    Deeper Dating is a valuable read for anyone seeking meaningful connections. It provides actionable insights and guidance for building authentic relationships.

    Who is the author of Deeper Dating?

    The author of Deeper Dating is Ken Page.

    What to read after Deeper Dating?

    If you're wondering what to read next after Deeper Dating, here are some recommendations we suggest:
    • Eight Dates by John Gottman
    • The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene
    • Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller
    • How to Be an Adult in Relationships by David Richo
    • Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari and Erik Klinenberg
    • Relationship Goals by Michael Todd
    • The Game by Neil Strauss
    • Single, Dating, Engaged, Married by Ben Stuart
    • The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
    • Going Solo by Eric Klinenberg