Powerful ideas from top nonfiction
Try Blinkist to get the key ideas from 7,000+ bestselling nonfiction titles and podcasts. Listen or read in just 15 minutes.
Start your free trial
Blink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
Listen to the Intro
The Relationship Cure summary
John M. Gottman and Joan DeClaire
A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships
24 mins
Table of Contents
The Relationship Cure
Summary of 9 key ideas
Audio & text in the Blinkist app
Key idea 1 of 9
People don’t form close relationships by simply “opening up” to each other.
What’s the secret to having a happy, healthy, and close relationship with another person?
If you think it’s a willingness to share your deepest, most personal thoughts, feelings, and experiences, you’re not alone. Back in the early 1990s, many psychologists thought so too – including one of the authors. But then he conducted some research into the matter, and the results surprised both him and many others in the field of psychology.
The key message here is: People don’t form close relationships by simply “opening up” to each other.
In 1990, research psychologist Dr. John Gottman and his colleagues at the University of Washington set up an unusual scientific research center. They called it “the Love Lab.” On the inside, it looked like a normal studio apartment, with a kitchen, dining area, hide-away bed, TV, and waterfront views of a canal. Over the following year, they invited 60 married couples to spend a weekend in this cozy setting. Each couple was given one simple instruction: live life as you normally would.
Of course, there was a catch. The apartment was fitted out with four surveillance cameras and a two-way mirror, behind which observers watched the couples for 12 hours a day. The participants were also rigged with microphones and body sensors that watched for symptoms of stress, like increases in heart rate or levels of sweat.
Dr. Gottman collected hundreds of hours of video footage showing the couples’ everyday interactions in minute detail. He then reviewed the tape, searching for examples of partners baring their souls to one another. But though he looked and looked, he hardly found any instances of what psychologists call “self-disclosure.” Instead, most conversations went like this:
“Honey, could you grab me a cup of coffee?”
“Yes, dear.”
Or:
“Hey, check out this comic strip!”
“Shh, I’m trying to read.”
Pretty mundane stuff, right? That’s what Dr. Gottman thought, too. In fact, he feared the whole experiment had been a waste of time. But then, after reviewing the footage for a few months, he noticed something. The key to forming close relationships was staring him in the face, right there in all those banal conversations.
What mattered wasn’t so much what the couples were talking about, but how they were talking about it to each other. And it’s a lesson that applies to all relationships, whether romantic or otherwise.
Want to see all full key ideas from The Relationship Cure?
Key ideas in The Relationship Cure
More knowledge in less time
Read or listen
Get the key ideas from nonfiction bestsellers in minutes, not hours.
Find your next read
Get book lists curated by experts and personalized recommendations.
Shortcasts New
We’ve teamed up with podcast creators to bring you key insights from podcasts.
What is The Relationship Cure about?
The Relationship Cure (2002) prescribes a surprisingly simple solution to the problems that ail many of our relationships. Drawing on psychologist John M. Gottman’s extensive research, its insights and tips are equally applicable to relationships between romantic partners, friends, family members, and coworkers.
Who should read The Relationship Cure?
- Couples experiencing relationship problems
- People looking for ways to get closer to their friends, coworkers, or family members
- Anyone wanting to improve their communication and relationship-building skills
Categories with The Relationship Cure
Books like The Relationship Cure
People ❤️ Blinkist
Sven O.
It's highly addictive to get core insights on personally relevant topics without repetition or triviality. Added to that the apps ability to suggest kindred interests opens up a foundation of knowledge.
Thi Viet Quynh N.
Great app. Good selection of book summaries you can read or listen to while commuting. Instead of scrolling through your social media news feed, this is a much better way to spend your spare time in my opinion.
Jonathan A.
Life changing. The concept of being able to grasp a book's main point in such a short time truly opens multiple opportunities to grow every area of your life at a faster rate.
Renee D.
Great app. Addicting. Perfect for wait times, morning coffee, evening before bed. Extremely well written, thorough, easy to use.
People also liked
The Design Thinking Workbook
CJ Meadows
Essential Skills for Creativity and Business Growth
16 min
4.5
The Cask of Amontillado
Edgar Allan Poe
A Dark Romantic Tale of Revenge, Deceit, and Murder
13 min
4.1
Start growing with Blinkist now
28 Million
Downloads on all platforms
4.7 Stars
Average ratings on iOS and Google Play
91%
Of Blinkist members create a better reading habit*
*Based on survey data from Blinkist customers