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30 Lessons for Loving

Advice from the Wisest Americans on Love, Relationships and Marriage

By Karl Pillemer
  • Read in 12 minutes
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  • Contains 7 key ideas
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30 Lessons for Loving by Karl Pillemer

30 Lessons for Loving (2015) shares advice from hundreds of elderly people to reveal the secrets of building a long-lasting relationship, from first encounter to “happily ever after.” You’ll learn how to tell if your current crush might be “the one,” how to communicate in a healthy way and how to keep the passion alive in a long-term relationship.

Key idea 1 of 7

Looking to previous generations for relationship advice is sage, as they’ve essentially seen it all.

It’s a question as old as humanity itself: how can two people build a relationship that lasts a lifetime?

While this quest may seem challenging, there are some concrete answers out there.

The author conducted the largest, in-depth study of long-term marriages, interviewing people who had been together for 30 years or more. This collection of highly nuanced, real-life experiences and advice on relationships, love and marriage applies to heterosexual and same-sex couples alike.

Interestingly, many books on commitment and marriage lack a personal voice of lived experience, focusing simply on either the good or the bad in partnerships. But we all know that love, just like life, is complicated, and understanding it requires perspectives from both sides.

Thus the author spoke with over 700 Americans, aged 65 or older, many of whom experienced solid marriages and others who were less successful. The author noted too that there was hardly any difference between the advice given by same-sex couples and by heterosexual pairs.

Yet what can we learn from an older generation, considering that they lived and loved in a time of entirely different values?

Even if times have changed, you can’t discount the knowledge and perspective that older people have been able to accumulate. The last generation in particular has had more extreme experiences, such as serious illness and war, that tested endurance as well as cultivated wisdom.

This generation too has been through more of the everyday problems that keep many young couples awake at night, and because of this, are an indispensable resource for offering relationship guidance.

Ready to learn how to find the right partner, establish a foundation for your relationship that’s built to last and maintain that romantic spark? Well, read on!

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