Love for Imperfect Things Book Summary - Love for Imperfect Things Book explained in key points

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Love for Imperfect Things summary

Name: Love for Imperfect Things
Author: Haemin Sunim

Haemin Sunim

How to Accept Yourself in a World Striving for Perfection

21 mins

Brief summary

Love for Imperfect Things by Haemin Sunim emphasizes the importance of self-care and acceptance. We learn that embracing our imperfections and extending compassion to ourselves and others leads to a more fulfilling life.

Topics

Happy Mental Health Self-Help Mindful Loving The Psychology of Love Self-Care

Table of Contents

Love for Imperfect Things
Summary of 6 key ideas

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Key idea 1 of 6

What’s in it for me? Pathways for embracing the mystery of life

In the film A River Runs Through It, a father confronts the ultimate loss – his son’s death. His troubled son had fallen into a destructive gambling habit which finally brought him to ruin. Yet in this grief, the father reaches a profound realization: his inability to fully understand his son’s choices never diminished his love. This love flows like a river – persistent, unstoppable, transcending reason or judgment.

What would your life look like if you approached yourself with this same unconditional acceptance? Many of us have spent years shaping ourselves to earn approval, taking on others’ expectations until we’ve lost sight of our authentic core. In Haemin Sunim’s wisdom, we discover pathways back to ourselves – through honest expression, meaningful touch, embracing disappointment as a teacher, and finding the quiet spaces between our thoughts.

In this Blink, you’ll be invited to slow down and rediscover what truly matters: your own inherent worth and the profound truth of your very existence – the luminous awareness that exists between and beyond thought. Life – just as it is – contains the seeds of awakening.

Reclaiming your voice

Remember that gold star your teacher placed on your perfectly completed homework? Or how your parents beamed with pride when you shared your toys without complaint? From our earliest years, we learn that approval comes from meeting others’ expectations. We learn to be good but, often, we learn another lesson, too: make others happy.

This childhood programming follows many of us into adulthood. The colleague who takes on excessive workloads rather than risk disappointing their boss. The friend who agrees to plans they secretly dread because saying “no” feels selfish. We internalize the belief that virtue lies in self-sacrifice – that putting others first is the hallmark of a good person.

As the years pass, something troubling happens: we lose touch with ourselves. After years of prioritizing others’ needs and preferences, many of us struggle to even identify what we truly desire or feel. Like muscles left unused, our capacity for self-awareness atrophies.

Yet somewhere underneath, our real feelings simmer. These suppressed emotions don’t simply vanish – they compound, eventually manifesting as anxiety, depression, or mysterious physical ailments.

Consider Sarah, who always agreed with her assertive friend’s plans. When she finally suggested a vacation destination that spoke to her soul, she discovered her friend actually appreciated her input, and their relationship deepened through this new balance. One small act of authenticity created ripples of positive change.

The truth is that your voice matters more than you realize. Your feelings aren’t trivial footnotes to others’ storylines – they’re essential expressions of your unique humanity. When you respectfully articulate yourself, you often discover that others welcome your authenticity rather than reject it.

Earning what was always yours

There’s something liberating about being with old friends. The masks we wear for colleagues, acquaintances, and perhaps even family fall away. In these moments of authentic connection, truths may surface – as Sunim discovered on a visit with an old graduate school chum.

On the surface, Sunim’s friend had achieved remarkable success. Recognition, academic publications, and professional advancement had all come his way. Yet beneath this veneer of accomplishment, much was amiss. He was chronically anxious and worked relentlessly, pushing himself beyond healthy limits. His wife had begun worrying about his deteriorating health.

With arms wide open

There’s a saying that Sunim often reflects on: Each warm embrace we receive adds a day to our lives. Touch, the saying suggests, is a life-giving force.

When Sunim first arrived in the United States, he found himself unaccustomed to the American habit of hugging. As a Korean and as a Buddhist monk, certain physical boundaries had been clearly defined throughout his life. The casual embraces of his American acquaintances felt awkward and unfamiliar. He wasn’t quite sure how to respond to this expression of warmth.

Taking the stone from your shoe

Challenges arise even in our closest relationships. One of the hardest to deal with is disappointment.

When feelings of disappointment emerge, they serve as a signal that something needs attention. As Sunim observes, they act as a “warning light” on a relationship’s dashboard – an indicator that something is straining the connection and shouldn’t be ignored.

The canvas of life

Sunim visited Plum Village, a Buddhist retreat center in France founded by renowned Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hanh. Having formed a relationship with the venerable teacher years earlier as his Korean translator, Sunim was eager to experience the community that Thich Nhat Hanh had cultivated.

What struck him immediately upon arrival was the deliberate pace of life. People walked slowly, with intention. They ate unhurriedly, savoring each bite. This was the embodiment of Thich Nhat Hanh’s central teaching: to be fully present in each moment rather than being carried away by the current of one’s thoughts.

A journey beyond words

In Korea, Buddha’s Birthday arrives each year at the beginning of May, transforming streets with colorful paper lanterns that sway gently in the spring breeze. As a teenager, Sunim welcomed this holiday primarily for the day off from school it provided. He would wander through decorated neighborhoods, admiring the lanterns without giving much thought to their deeper significance.

During those youthful days, Sunim often spent time with young American missionaries who had come to Korea. Between friendly games and sports, they would engage in conversations about spirituality. The missionaries, passionate about their faith, naturally asked Sunim about his own religious background.

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What is Love for Imperfect Things about?

Love for Imperfect Things (2018) explores the transformative power of self-acceptance as the foundation for happiness and great relationships. It advocates embracing personal flaws as essential to finding inner peace and developing genuine compassion for others, offering an approach to well-being that starts with being kind to oneself first.

Who should read Love for Imperfect Things?

People who feel disconnected from their authentic selves
Those experiencing disappointment or suffering in life or relationships
Anyone interested in Buddhism applied to daily life

About the Author

Haemin Sunim is a Zen Buddhist teacher and author. He received monastic training in Korea after being educated at prestigious institutions including Harvard, Princeton, and UC Berkeley. He is the author of the international bestseller The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, which has been translated into more than thirty languages.

Categories with Love for Imperfect Things

Psychology Mindfulness & Happiness Personal Development

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