Say What You Mean Book Summary - Say What You Mean Book explained in key points
Listen to the Intro

Say What You Mean summary

Oren Jay Sofer

A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication

4.6 (298 ratings)
32 mins

Brief summary

Say What You Mean by Oren Jay Sofer is a guide to better communication. It explains how to cultivate mindfulness and emotional intelligence to improve relationships and effectively express ourselves. It offers practical skills to communicate authentically and compassionately.

Table of Contents

    Say What You Mean
    Summary of 11 key ideas

    Audio & text in the Blinkist app
    Key idea 1 of 11

    In successful communication, we create understanding through awareness.

    Have you had the experience of talking to someone who just doesn’t seem to hear you? Have you found yourself telling a story to a friend whose attention is focused on his phone, or tried having a conversation with a partner whose eyes are glued to the TV? If so, you’ll know that this can be incredibly frustrating, because although you’re both speaking the same language, there simply isn’t any awareness of you or your words – it’s like you’re not even there. 

    Ultimately it means that, in such moments, communication can’t and isn’t happening.  

    The key message here is: In successful communication, we create understanding through awareness.

    It might seem obvious, but we rarely stop to think about why we’re communicating at all. The answer? It comes down to one simple word: understanding. Understanding is the purpose of all communication.

    In order for understanding to be the ultimate outcome in our communication, however, we need awareness. But what does awareness mean when it comes to communication?

    Well, the one thing it requires is presence. More than just a state of mind, presence means physically being aware of, and sensing, all aspects of yourself through your body. It’s being in tune with your mental states and your emotional experiences – just as they express themselves in your body.

    Having presence for a moment or two is easy enough for most of us – it’s as simple as turning your attention inward and becoming aware of what you’re feeling and experiencing at that moment.

    What’s more challenging, though, is keeping that awareness going, especially when you’re in the middle of a conversation.

    There are good reasons for that: For one thing, it takes time and effort to let go of our old communication patterns, which might include things like yelling when we don’t feel heard or giving someone the silent treatment. Even when we know these counterproductive methods are ineffective, it can still be quite hard to replace them with something more life-enhancing.

    The good news is that presence can be learned – it’s just a question of practice and learning a few basic principles.

    Want to see all full key ideas from Say What You Mean?

    Key ideas in Say What You Mean

    More knowledge in less time
    Read or listen
    Read or listen
    Get the key ideas from nonfiction bestsellers in minutes, not hours.
    Find your next read
    Find your next read
    Get book lists curated by experts and personalized recommendations.
    Shortcasts New
    We’ve teamed up with podcast creators to bring you key insights from podcasts.

    What is Say What You Mean about?

    Say What You Mean (2018) is a guide to meaningful and productive communication. It shows how you can leave old, unhelpful habits behind and develop the skills to speak your mind in a clear and authentic way. It also teaches some simple practices to make your conversations more effective and satisfying.

    Say What You Mean Review

    Say What You Mean (2018) by Oren Jay Sofer is a powerful guide to effective communication, helping readers cultivate meaningful connections through mindful speech. Here's what makes this book worth reading:

    • Packed with practical tools and techniques, it equips readers with the skills they need to express themselves clearly and authentically.
    • By combining time-tested wisdom with modern research, the book presents a well-rounded approach to communication that is both insightful and relevant.
    • With its engaging anecdotes and relatable examples, the book keeps readers hooked, making the journey of improving communication skills exciting and far from boring.

    Who should read Say What You Mean?

    • People who want to improve the quality of their conversations
    • Anyone who needs more confidence when talking to others
    • Everyone who wants to know how nonviolent communication works

    About the Author

    Oren Jay Sofer is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and a Certified Trainer of Nonviolent Communication. He teaches meditation and communication retreats and workshops all over the world. He is also the founder of Next Step Dharma, a meditation course platform, and co-founder of Mindful Healthcare, which provides training in mindfulness and communication to healthcare workers.

    Categories with Say What You Mean

    Book summaries like Say What You Mean

    People ❤️ Blinkist 
    Sven O.

    It's highly addictive to get core insights on personally relevant topics without repetition or triviality. Added to that the apps ability to suggest kindred interests opens up a foundation of knowledge.

    Thi Viet Quynh N.

    Great app. Good selection of book summaries you can read or listen to while commuting. Instead of scrolling through your social media news feed, this is a much better way to spend your spare time in my opinion.

    Jonathan A.

    Life changing. The concept of being able to grasp a book's main point in such a short time truly opens multiple opportunities to grow every area of your life at a faster rate.

    Renee D.

    Great app. Addicting. Perfect for wait times, morning coffee, evening before bed. Extremely well written, thorough, easy to use.

    People also liked these summaries

    4.7 Stars
    Average ratings on iOS and Google Play
    30 Million
    Downloads on all platforms
    10+ years
    Experience igniting personal growth
    Powerful ideas from top nonfiction

    Try Blinkist to get the key ideas from 7,000+ bestselling nonfiction titles and podcasts. Listen or read in just 15 minutes.

    Start your free trial

    Say What You Mean FAQs 

    What is the main message of Say What You Mean?

    The main message of Say What You Mean is the power of mindful communication for building deeper connections and resolving conflicts.

    How long does it take to read Say What You Mean?

    The reading time for Say What You Mean varies depending on the reader, but it typically takes several hours. However, the Blinkist summary can be read in just 15 minutes.

    Is Say What You Mean a good book? Is it worth reading?

    Say What You Mean is worth reading for its practical insights on becoming a better communicator. It helps improve relationships and enhance overall well-being.

    Who is the author of Say What You Mean?

    The author of Say What You Mean is Oren Jay Sofer.

    What to read after Say What You Mean?

    If you're wondering what to read next after Say What You Mean, here are some recommendations we suggest:
    • What We Say Matters by Judith Hanson Lasater and Ike K. Lasater
    • Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg
    • The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker
    • The Power of No by James Altucher and Claudia Azula Altucher
    • The Power of a Positive No by William Ury
    • Together by Vivek H. Murthy
    • The First Rule of Mastery by Michael Gervais
    • Mastering Communication at Work by Ethan F. Becker and Jon Wortmann
    • Start With Why by Simon Sinek
    • The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk