The best 20 The Psychology of Love books

Helen Fisher’s Why We Love (2004) is not only a report on her latest astonishing research but a sensitive description of the infinite facets of romantic love. This book is a scientifically grounded examination of love that reveals how, why and who we love.

This is a Blinkist staff pick

“Curious to find out why love affects our brains the same way as cocaine? Want to understand how evolution is linked to the prevailing structure of monogamy? A perfect title for those interested in the biological side of love.”

– Justyna, Web Product Designer

Attached (2010) is all about how to make your relationships work. This book offers you valuable insight into the science of adult attachment and how to use this insight in everyday life, whether you’re in a committed relationship or are still looking for love. It also provides tips and tricks on how to find the perfect partner and reveals why some people just aren’t compatible.

In A General Theory of Love, three psychiatrists take a scientific look at the phenomenon of love. Arguing that our emotional experience in adulthood is profoundly influenced by our childhood relationships, the authors suggest ways to undo this emotional “programming” and establish healthier relationships with friends and romantic partners.

The 5 Love Languages (2015) is a contemporary guide to developing a relationships of lifelong love that can easily overcome the hurdles that modern couples face. These blinks detail the five ways people give and feel love, and how any couple can use this knowledge to make their relationship more nurturing, affectionate and compassionate.

Getting The Love You Want (1988) offers practical advice on how to save a failing relationship and build a stronger one. It highlights a unique therapy program that offers a step-by-step guide to helping partners address repressed childhood desires and become more compassionate individuals.

Hold Me Tight (2008) focuses on one of life’s greatest challenges: building and sustaining an intimate relationship. Drawing on the author’s own highly successful couple therapy form EFT (Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy) – based on the idea that the quality of relationships are defined by key emotional moments, both positive and negative – these blinks show you how to form a deeper, and more enduring bond with your partner.

Love Sense (2013) is an exploration of the science of love. These blinks suggest that humans instinctively desire to connect with each other, and that relationship problems arise when lovers no longer feel secure. They also offer practical strategies for how to develop your love sense – that is, your ability to create fulfilling and long-lasting bonds with your loved ones.

The Relationship Cure (2002) prescribes a surprisingly simple solution to the problems that ail many of our relationships. Drawing on psychologist John M. Gottman’s extensive research, its insights and tips are equally applicable to relationships between romantic partners, friends, family members, and coworkers. 

Deeper Dating (2014) is a roadmap to intimacy and loving relationships. It breaks down how looking inward can help us identify the kinds of people we’ll connect with most deeply, and shares tools for finding these people and fostering relationships that will inspire and fulfill us.

Loving Bravely (2017) is a primer on finding love through introspection and self-discovery. This guide to love teaches invaluable lessons about how to build relationships that actually last.

Wired for Love (2012) is a guide to maintaining closeness and emotional security within romantic partnerships. It uses research from neurobiology and psychology to show why long-term couples come into conflict, and it offers practical tips on how to use knowledge about brain functions to promote peace and mutual security in your relationship.

Wired for Love (2022) combines fascinating neuroscientific research with a captivating personal story to reveal some of the secrets behind that great human mystery: love. Love is often thought of as a topic best left to poets and musicians –⁠ but it can and should be studied as a legitimate scientific question. In a world that is constantly throwing up new challenges to romance, from online dating to global pandemics, an understanding of and respect for love is more important than ever before.

How to Be a 3% Man (2013) provides straightforward practice methods, tips and guidelines for meeting and dating women. It teaches you what to say to women, when to say it, and what her responses mean.

We Over Me (2023) is the story of the podcasting-and-influencing power couple Devale and Khadeen Ellis – in their own words. With trademark disarming honesty, the Ellises lay bare the struggles and successes that have shaped them as a couple, and share the strategies that allow them to thrive as a partnership. 

Polysecure (2020) unites attachment theory, which explains the different types of attachment people form with each other, with consensual nonmonogamy – the increasingly popular practice of having multiple romantic partners. By learning more about your attachment style, you can develop healthy relationship habits, even in nonmonogamy.

The Honeymoon Effect (2023) explores the possibility of maintaining the euphoric state typically experienced during the honeymoon phase of a relationship. By delving into diverse fields such as biology, quantum physics, and psychology, it sheds light on the nature of love, the role of hormones, and the power of the subconscious mind in shaping our relationships.

Plays Well with Others (2022) debunks relationship myths and offers advice on how to form and maintain strong bonds. Improve your friendships and romantic relationships, as well as your ability to resolve conflicts, forgive others, and deal with difficult people.

Beyond the Pleasure Principle (1920 marks a pivotal turn in Sigmund Freud’s theoretical approach to psychology and psychoanalysis. In this work, Freud introduces the concept of the “death drive,” a fundamental tension between the life instincts that aim for survival, sexual reproduction, and pleasure, and the death instincts, which strive towards inanimate rest and a return to a state of non-existence.

Come Together (2024) warmly and compassionately offers practical advice for improving sexual well-being, particularly in long-term relationships where one or more partners may be experiencing low libido. It explores the complexities of human sexuality with a focus on the science of sexual response and the psychology of desire. Notably, it’s highly inclusive and applicable to people in relationships regardless of gender, orientation, or relationship structure.

Love Does is a collection of inspiring and entertaining stories that illustrate the power of love in action. Written by Bob Goff, this book challenges readers to live a life filled with whimsy, purpose, and passion. Through his own experiences and adventures, Goff encourages us to embrace a fearless approach to life and to love others wholeheartedly.