Powerful ideas from top nonfiction
Try Blinkist to get the key ideas from 7,500+ bestselling nonfiction titles and podcasts. Listen or read in just 15 minutes.
Get started
Blink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
Listen to the Intro
How to Be an Adult in Relationships summary
The Five Keys to Mindful Loving
26 mins
Brief summary
"How to Be an Adult in Relationships" by David Richo is a guide for developing healthy, authentic relationships by taking responsibility for our reactions and emotions. It provides tools for effective communication and personal growth.
Table of Contents
How to Be an Adult in Relationships
Summary of 8 key ideas
Audio & text in the Blinkist app
Key idea 1 of 8
Five aspects of mindful loving are central to love relationships.
What’s your first childhood memory? Perhaps it’s your parents reading you a story, or bandaging your knee after you fell.
As children, we rely on our parents to meet our emotional needs, and to make us feel safe and wanted.
The emotional support we seek when we’re young can be broken down into what the author calls the five A’s. They are attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing others to be who they are.
Receiving these five hallmarks of love is crucial to building a coherent identity and personality and to developing self-esteem. But they’re also essential to building strong bonds with our partners in adulthood.
Here’s the key message: Five aspects of mindful loving are central to love relationships.
At every stage of our lives, we need the nurturance of loving people who are attuned to our feelings and responsive to our needs. The five A’s outline all the things we need as individuals to foster personal power, cultivate serenity, and enhance our ability to love and be loved.
Let’s take a look at these five things.
First up, attention. In relationships, being attentive to our partners means listening to their thoughts and emotions. Often, this involves being what the author calls a “mindful witness.” Our loved ones may have suffered abuse, betrayals, or hurts in the past and, as their partners, it’s our job to listen to their stories respectfully.
Second, there is acceptance – of ourselves and others. Mutual acceptance is the bedrock of a healthy relationship. When we find someone who loves us – with all our feelings and emotional burdens – we feel liberated. We don’t have to hide behind a mask because our partner loves us for all that we are.
The third thing is appreciation. This involves valuing our partners’ gifts, knowing and understanding their limitations, and supporting them in the pursuit of their dreams and desires.
Affection is the fourth A on the list. It involves holding and touching our partners in respectful ways. Receiving affection in the form of kisses, hugs, or even a gentle smile across a room helps us feel loved and wanted. It meets our childlike need to feel safe and secure.
The fifth and final A is allowing life and love to be just what they are – with all their sorrow, ecstasy, and heartache – without trying to take control. This is what it takes to be present in a relationship: to love and to be loved.
Want to see all full key ideas from How to Be an Adult in Relationships?
Key ideas in How to Be an Adult in Relationships
More knowledge in less time
Read or listen
Get the key ideas from nonfiction bestsellers in minutes, not hours.
Find your next read
Get book lists curated by experts and personalized recommendations.
Shortcasts New
We’ve teamed up with podcast creators to bring you key insights from podcasts.
What is How to Be an Adult in Relationships about?
How to Be an Adult in Relationships (2002) is the definitive guide to effective relationships. It focuses on how we can all become more loving, and more open to love, both for our own benefit and that of the wider world. Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, author David Richo explores five concepts of mindful loving, and how they can be applied to relationships throughout our lives.
How to Be an Adult in Relationships Review
How to Be an Adult in Relationships (2002) is a valuable book that provides guidance on navigating the complexities of adult relationships. Here's what makes this book worth reading:
- Offers practical tools and strategies for fostering healthy, fulfilling relationships, empowering readers to create stronger connections.
- Uses real-life examples and case studies to illustrate concepts, making it relatable and applicable to various relationship situations.
- Provides insightful perspectives on intimacy and communication, helping readers understand their own patterns and develop healthier relationship dynamics.
Best quote from How to Be an Adult in Relationships
Our human journey is about finding out what love is, and then learning to give and receive it.
—David Richo
Who should read How to Be an Adult in Relationships?
- Couples wanting to deepen their commitment to each other
- Anyone seeking a meaningful relationship
- Individuals wanting to end a relationship peacefully
Categories with How to Be an Adult in Relationships
Book summaries like How to Be an Adult in Relationships
People ❤️ Blinkist
Sven O.
It's highly addictive to get core insights on personally relevant topics without repetition or triviality. Added to that the apps ability to suggest kindred interests opens up a foundation of knowledge.
Thi Viet Quynh N.
Great app. Good selection of book summaries you can read or listen to while commuting. Instead of scrolling through your social media news feed, this is a much better way to spend your spare time in my opinion.
Jonathan A.
Life changing. The concept of being able to grasp a book's main point in such a short time truly opens multiple opportunities to grow every area of your life at a faster rate.
Renee D.
Great app. Addicting. Perfect for wait times, morning coffee, evening before bed. Extremely well written, thorough, easy to use.
People also liked these summaries
The Consolations of Philosophy
Alain De Botton
A Guide to Finding Wisdom and Comfort in Life
21 min
4.1
Deeper Dating
Ken Page
How to Drop the Games of Seduction and Discover the Power of Intimacy
18 min
4.3
4.7 Stars
Average ratings on iOS and Google Play
37 Million
Downloads on all platforms
10+ years
Experience igniting personal growth
How to Be an Adult in Relationships FAQs
What is the main message of How to Be an Adult in Relationships?
Learn how to build mature and fulfilling relationships by taking responsibility for your own actions and emotions.
How long does it take to read How to Be an Adult in Relationships?
The reading time for How to Be an Adult in Relationships varies depending on the reader's speed, but it typically takes several hours. The Blinkist summary can be read in just 15 minutes.
Is How to Be an Adult in Relationships a good book? Is it worth reading?
How to Be an Adult in Relationships offers valuable insights and practical advice for developing healthy relationships. It's definitely worth reading!
Who is the author of How to Be an Adult in Relationships?
David Richo is the author of How to Be an Adult in Relationships.
What to read after How to Be an Adult in Relationships?
If you're wondering what to read next after How to Be an Adult in Relationships, here are some recommendations we suggest:
- 30 Lessons for Loving by Karl Pillemer
- The High-Conflict Couple by Alan E. Fruzzetti
- The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver
- Eight Dates by John Gottman
- Relationship Goals by Michael Todd
- Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson
- Loving Your Spouse When You Feel Like Walking Away by Gary Chapman
- Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson
- Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
- The Art of Living Alone and Loving It by Jane Mathews