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Blink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
Listen to the Intro
Love & Respect summary
Emerson Eggerichs
The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs
18 mins
Table of Contents
Love & Respect
Summary of 5 key ideas
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Key idea 1 of 5
The crazy cycle
He’s forgotten their wedding anniversary before, but this year he remembered to make dinner reservations and buy a present, and he just made a quick stop to get her a card. He’s excited about their night together, and so is she.
She’s ready when he arrives home, and her eyes light up when she sees the present and card. Until she opens it. It’s a birthday card.
Her face drops. She makes a comment about how he’d never buy the wrong part for his beloved car, but he can’t pick the right card for his wife. Shows what he really cares about.
He can’t believe it. He tried so hard, and all she can focus on is the one little thing he got wrong. He snaps back. He’s glad he got the wrong card if she’s going to have that kind of attitude, and then he storms out of the room.
In a matter of minutes, this couple went from a romantic anniversary together to a sullen night alone in separate rooms. Why?
“Angry exchanges are caused when the husband appears careless, depriving his wife of love, and when the wife reacts with criticism and complaints that are vehement, depriving the husband of respect,” Eggerichs writes in Love and Respect.
That, in a nutshell, is what Eggerichs calls “The Crazy Cycle.” Husbands act unlovingly toward their wives, often without meaning to, but love is what wives want most from their husbands. So, being deprived of their greatest need, wives tend to question their husbands, which is their way of reaching out for love, but this can be interpreted by husbands as disrespectful, and respect is what husbands want most from their wives. So, being deprived of their greatest need, husbands tend to shut down, which is their way of doing the honorable thing and not fighting with their wives in a moment of hostility, but it can come across as unloving, and love is what wives want most from their husbands. So … The Crazy Cycle starts all over. Again and again.
This theory is based on Eggerichs’s years of experience as a marriage counselor, scientific research done by other couples therapists, and, most importantly, a verse from the Bible’s New Testament, Ephesians 5:33, which we already mentioned: “Each one of you (husbands) must also love his wife, and the wife must respect her husband.”
Lacking love and respect, couples can get dizzy spinning on The Crazy Cycle. But if they connect with Love and Respect, they can stop the spinning before it gets out of control.
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What is Love & Respect about?
Love & Respect (2012) uses biblical scripture, the author’s experience as a marriage counselor, and insight from other relationship therapists to help couples connect. By following the principles it lays out, husbands and wives learn to show each other the kind of love and respect they both crave. In the process, conflicts get resolved and marriages become energized.
Who should read Love & Respect?
- Married couples who want to remain happily married
- Divorcees trying to heal
- Engaged couples
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