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She Comes First

The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

By Ian Kerner, PhD
13-minute read
Audio available
She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman by Ian Kerner, PhD

She Comes First (2004) is a guide to improving a woman’s sexual experience through the act of cunnilingus. It emphasizes the value of the female orgasm and argues for a reduced focus on penetration.

  • People intent on becoming a better lover
  • Anyone wanting to improve their cunnilingus skills
  • Those interested in female biology

Ian Kerner has a PhD in sexology and is a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in sex therapy. He founded the site goodinbed.com, which collects insights from leading sex and relationship experts. He has also written He Comes Next: The Thinking Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man.

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She Comes First

The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

By Ian Kerner, PhD
  • Read in 13 minutes
  • Audio & text available
  • Contains 8 key ideas
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She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman by Ian Kerner, PhD
Synopsis

She Comes First (2004) is a guide to improving a woman’s sexual experience through the act of cunnilingus. It emphasizes the value of the female orgasm and argues for a reduced focus on penetration.

Key idea 1 of 8

Focus on cunnilingus over penetration to make a woman climax.

To be successful in the bedroom, it’s all about size and thrusting power, right? Well, not quite.

Most believe that the key to good sex is long, hard penetration. But to orgasm, a woman needs to have her clitoris stimulated.

Studies have shown that the clitoris is three times as sensitive as the vaginal wall.

For those claiming that G-spot climaxes are far more intense than clitoral orgasms, here’s an interesting fact. The G-spot is actually the base of the clitoris and is stimulated during penetration, so this type of orgasm is inseparable from clitoral orgasms.

To truly experience mutual pleasure, penetration can actually be left out completely. The only reason penetration and male ejaculation are necessary during sex is to procreate. Neither are needed if the goal is to make your female partner orgasm.

Still doubtful about the role of the clitoris? Then listen up. People who have the congenital condition vaginal agenesis are born without a vagina, but with external genitals. They are still able to orgasm.

So what can you do to achieve your goal of making a woman orgasm? Focus on what your tongue can do.

Cunnilingus is by far the best way to get a woman to climax. Think about it: your tongue is made up of several muscles and nerves held together by a membrane covered with taste buds. As a highly flexible organ, it’s ideal for both tasting and stimulation.

Several surveys have shown that for women, oral sex is a surefire way to reach orgasm.

Using your tongue may be the best way to satisfy a woman, but due to the complexity of the clitoris, there’s definitely an art to getting it right.

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