Powerful ideas from top nonfiction
Try Blinkist to get the key ideas from 5,500+ bestselling nonfiction titles and podcasts. Listen or read in just 15 minutes.
Start your free trial
Blink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
Listen to the Intro
She Comes First summary
Ian Kerner
The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman
4.6 (689 ratings)
16 mins
7 key ideas
Audio & text
What is She Comes First about?
She Comes First (2004) is a guide to improving a woman’s sexual experience through the act of cunnilingus. It emphasizes the value of the female orgasm and argues for a reduced focus on penetration.
About the Author
Ian Kerner has a PhD in sexology and is a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in sex therapy. He founded the site goodinbed.com, which collects insights from leading sex and relationship experts. He has also written He Comes Next: The Thinking Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man.
Table of Contents
She Comes First
summarized in 7 key ideas
Audio & text in the Blinkist app
Key idea 1 of 7
Focus on cunnilingus over penetration to make a woman climax.
To be successful in the bedroom, it’s all about size and thrusting power, right? Well, not quite.
Most believe that the key to good sex is long, hard penetration. But to orgasm, a woman needs to have her clitoris stimulated.
Studies have shown that the clitoris is three times as sensitive as the vaginal wall.
For those claiming that G-spot climaxes are far more intense than clitoral orgasms, here’s an interesting fact. The G-spot is actually the base of the clitoris and is stimulated during penetration, so this type of orgasm is inseparable from clitoral orgasms.
To truly experience mutual pleasure, penetration can actually be left out completely. The only reason penetration and male ejaculation are necessary during sex is to procreate. Neither are needed if the goal is to make your female partner orgasm.
Still doubtful about the role of the clitoris? Then listen up. People who have the congenital condition vaginal agenesis are born without a vagina, but with external genitals. They are still able to orgasm.
So what can you do to achieve your goal of making a woman orgasm? Focus on what your tongue can do.
Cunnilingus is by far the best way to get a woman to climax. Think about it: your tongue is made up of several muscles and nerves held together by a membrane covered with taste buds. As a highly flexible organ, it’s ideal for both tasting and stimulation.
Several surveys have shown that for women, oral sex is a surefire way to reach orgasm.
Using your tongue may be the best way to satisfy a woman, but due to the complexity of the clitoris, there’s definitely an art to getting it right.
Want to see all full key ideas from She Comes First?
Key ideas in She Comes First
More knowledge in less time
Read or listen
Get the key ideas from nonfiction bestsellers in minutes, not hours.
Find your next read
Get book lists curated by experts and personalized recommendations.
Shortcasts New
We’ve teamed up with podcast creators to bring you key insights from podcasts.
Who should read She Comes First
- People intent on becoming a better lover
- Anyone wanting to improve their cunnilingus skills
- Those interested in female biology
Categories with She Comes First
Books like She Comes First
What our members say
Sven O.
It's highly addictive to get core insights on personally relevant topics without repetition or triviality. Added to that the apps ability to suggest kindred interests opens up a foundation of knowledge.
Thi Viet Quynh N.
Great app. Good selection of book summaries you can read or listen to while commuting. Instead of scrolling through your social media news feed, this is a much better way to spend your spare time in my opinion.
Jonathan A.
Life changing. The concept of being able to grasp a book's main point in such a short time truly opens multiple opportunities to grow every area of your life at a faster rate.
Renee D.
Great app. Addicting. Perfect for wait times, morning coffee, evening before bed. Extremely well written, thorough, easy to use.
Start growing with Blinkist now
25 Million
Downloads on all platforms
4.7 Stars
Average ratings on iOS and Google Play
91%
Of Blinkist members create a better reading habit*
*Based on survey data from Blinkist customers