She Comes First Book Summary - She Comes First Book explained in key points
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She Comes First summary

Ian Kerner

The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

4.6 (869 ratings)
16 mins

Brief summary

She Comes First by Ian Kerner is a guide to the art of cunnilingus. It encourages men to prioritize female pleasure by presenting practical techniques and tips to improve oral sex skills. The book is a must-read for anyone seeking to enhance their sex life.

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    She Comes First
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    Focus on cunnilingus over penetration to make a woman climax.

    To be successful in the bedroom, it’s all about size and thrusting power, right? Well, not quite.

    Most believe that the key to good sex is long, hard penetration. But to orgasm, a woman needs to have her clitoris stimulated.

    Studies have shown that the clitoris is three times as sensitive as the vaginal wall.

    For those claiming that G-spot climaxes are far more intense than clitoral orgasms, here’s an interesting fact. The G-spot is actually the base of the clitoris and is stimulated during penetration, so this type of orgasm is inseparable from clitoral orgasms.

    To truly experience mutual pleasure, penetration can actually be left out completely. The only reason penetration and male ejaculation are necessary during sex is to procreate. Neither are needed if the goal is to make your female partner orgasm.

    Still doubtful about the role of the clitoris? Then listen up. People who have the congenital condition vaginal agenesis are born without a vagina, but with external genitals. They are still able to orgasm.

    So what can you do to achieve your goal of making a woman orgasm? Focus on what your tongue can do.

    Cunnilingus is by far the best way to get a woman to climax. Think about it: your tongue is made up of several muscles and nerves held together by a membrane covered with taste buds. As a highly flexible organ, it’s ideal for both tasting and stimulation.

    Several surveys have shown that for women, oral sex is a surefire way to reach orgasm.

    Using your tongue may be the best way to satisfy a woman, but due to the complexity of the clitoris, there’s definitely an art to getting it right.

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    What is She Comes First about?

    She Comes First (2004) is a guide to improving a woman’s sexual experience through the act of cunnilingus. It emphasizes the value of the female orgasm and argues for a reduced focus on penetration.

    She Comes First Review

    She Comes First (2004) is a groundbreaking book that provides a refreshing perspective on the importance of female pleasure. Here's why this book is worth reading:

    • It offers practical, evidence-based techniques that empower men to prioritize women's pleasure, leading to more satisfying sexual experiences for both partners.
    • By debunking myths and misconceptions, the book provides invaluable insights into female anatomy and arousal, enhancing understanding and improving intimacy.
    • With its straightforward approach and relatable examples, the book manages to be informative and educational without being clinical or boring.

    Who should read She Comes First?

    • People intent on becoming a better lover
    • Anyone wanting to improve their cunnilingus skills
    • Those interested in female biology

    About the Author

    Ian Kerner has a PhD in sexology and is a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in sex therapy. He founded the site goodinbed.com, which collects insights from leading sex and relationship experts. He has also written He Comes Next: The Thinking Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man.

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    She Comes First FAQs 

    What is the main message of She Comes First?

    The main message of She Comes First is that women's pleasure should be the top priority in any sexual encounter.

    How long does it take to read She Comes First?

    It varies depending on the reader. However, the Blinkist summary can be read in just 15 minutes.

    Is She Comes First a good book? Is it worth reading?

    She Comes First is a valuable read. It offers practical advice and insights on enhancing women's sexual pleasure.

    Who is the author of She Comes First?

    Ian Kerner is the author of She Comes First.

    What to read after She Comes First?

    If you're wondering what to read next after She Comes First, here are some recommendations we suggest:
    • He Comes Next by Ian Kerner
    • The Man's Guide to Women by John Gottman
    • Magnificent Sex by Peggy J. Kleinplatz and A. Dana Ménard
    • Slow Sex by Diana Richardson
    • Love Worth Making by Stephen Snyder
    • The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi
    • Come Together by Emily Nagoski
    • Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson
    • Better Sex Through Mindfulness by Lori A. Brotto
    • How to Think More About Sex by Alain de Botton