Who is the author of Crucial Conversations?

The authors of Crucial Conversations are Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler.

Crucial Conversations Book Summary - Crucial Conversations Book explained in key points

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Crucial Conversations summary

Name: Crucial Conversations
Rating: 4.1 (607 reviews)
Author: Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler

Kerry Patterson Joseph Grenny Ron McMillan Al Switzler

Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

4.1 (607 ratings)

20 mins

Brief summary

Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson, Al Switzler, Ron McMillan & Joseph Grenny is a guide on how to navigate high-stakes conversations without getting defensive or escalating tension. It offers practical tools for staying calm, listening well, and speaking persuasively.

Topics

Persuasion Interviewing Listening Resolving Conflict Negotiations

Table of Contents

Crucial Conversations
Summary of 8 key ideas

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Key idea 1 of 8

What’s in it for me? Learn how to broach sensitive topics without stepping on a landmine.

We’ve all been there: You’re trying to have a rational conversation about something important, and all of a sudden things turn sour. You see your conversation partner turn red in the face and you feel like you just can’t get a word in. You, too, are getting flush with anger, and are eventually yelling so loud you can’t even hear your phone ring.

How is it that two otherwise rational, agreeable people can enter a shouting match even when they both have the same goals?

Crucial Conversations explores this question and lays the framework for healthy, fruitful conversations. In addition, it offers advice on how to steer a conversation back on track when things start to falter.

In these blinks, you’ll learn:

how to have a productive talk with your teenage daughter without getting a door slammed in your face,
how to deliver criticism without hurting people’s feelings,
why people might not speak up when a surgeon is about to amputate the wrong foot,
why one entrepreneur’s dream of a steam-powered car might have ended up boiling people alive and
how to finally talk to your partner about problems that have been bothering you for years.

Crucial conversations provoke an over-emotional and irrational response.

Have you ever tried to have a conversation with your partner and realized that what you were actually having was an argument? Probably! These are often crucial conversations, characterized by high tension and high emotions, and an inability to effectively manage them can lead us into trouble.

For one thing, it’s difficult to think rationally when confronted with such a conversation. Part of this has to do with the rush of adrenaline released when emotions run high in order to heighten our senses. The body can’t tell the difference between a heated discussion and true danger, so it prepares itself for a sudden fight or flight. This split-second decision making, however, comes at the expense of clear and rational thinking.

This is compounded by the fact that important conversations tend to arise out of the blue, without a moment’s time for preparation. Imagine, for example, that your partner tells you that he or she wants to break up. Likely, you haven’t expected this at all and your reaction will be totally spontaneous. Rather than rationally discussing the pros and cons of a breakup with your partner, your instincts will kick in and your conversation will devolve into a shouting match.

There are many reasons to want to master crucial conversations, as those who do can better succeed in their private and public lives. For example, according to surveys of more than 20,000 people in various companies, those who mastered crucial conversations are better able to tackle challenges and thus often become the opinion leaders in their organizations.

In addition, couples who can handle such conversations are more likely to stay together. In fact, they can reduce their chances of a breakup by up to 50 percent!

The best solutions only arise when people freely share information in crucial conversations.

When we feel we’re approaching a controversial topic in a crucial conversation, we’re often afraid to share our ideas or criticisms because we don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings. As we’ll see, this is totally backwards.

Since a successful conversation depends upon the participants providing information and sharing knowledge, sharing information actually leads to smarter decisions. Even the smartest people are more prone to making mistakes when they don’t have all the necessary information available to them.

Stay focused on your goals in a crucial conversation to prevent becoming overly emotional.

Think about the last time someone heavily criticized your ideas. Did you placidly accept their criticism and work towards a solution? Doubtful! You may have even gotten angry and stormed out of the room. However, this isn’t the most helpful way to end a conversation; what could you have done differently?

Whenever you’re “attacked” by opposing ideas, the first thing you must do is take a moment to highlight your goals; if you become angry, your conversation probably won’t end with a solution.

People are more likely to behave aggressively in conversations where they don’t feel “safe.”

A rational conversation about even the most banal subject can quickly degenerate into a heated argument, and can’t be salvaged no matter what you do or say. How does that happen?

Often, it comes down to the atmosphere: when it’s safe, i.e., when people don’t feel like they’re in danger of being attacked, you can talk about literally anything, including critical or highly controversial issues.

Create safe conversations by ensuring that people feel like you respect them and their interests.

We’ve seen how an otherwise rational conversation can quickly derail once people feel threatened. So what steps can we take to keep the atmosphere in a conversation safe?

A safe atmosphere hinges on these two key conditions: a feeling of mutual respect and a common purpose.

Manage your emotions by ensuring that you’ve gotten the facts straight before you interpret.

Surely you’ve been there before: you’re having a normal conversation when, suddenly, one ill-chosen word from a certain person in a certain situation makes you lose it – even though they never would have intended to make you angry.

Reactions like these are the result of an incorrect interpretation of the situation, when what you think deviates from the actual facts. In order to reach a solution, you must learn how to overcome this hurdle.

Make others feel safe in a conversation by creating an atmosphere where they feel their opinions are valued.

Imagine you’re a parent, and your teenage daughter starts dating a skinhead biker. You really want to discuss this with her, but every time you do, she gets angry and accuses you of trying to control her life. So what can you do to get her to open up?

As we’ve already learned, the best way to get people to participate in a conversation is to help them feel safe. You can often accomplish this by creating an atmosphere where they feel their opinions matter.

Choose an appropriate way of decision-making and a clear division of responsibilities to put a conversation into action.

So after following the advice in these blinks, you’re finding that your conversations are calm and rational, and everyone feels safe and valued. But this alone doesn’t guarantee that you’ll reach the best solution, or that the decision you make will be carried out effectively. The final step in managing crucial conversations is their resolution.

The best way to ensure the optimal solution of a conversation is to know who should be granted decision-making power in the team and whom the decision affects.

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What is Crucial Conversations about?

We’ve all been in situations where rational discussions get quickly out of hand, and Crucial Conversations investigates the root causes of this problem. You’ll learn techniques to handle such situations and shape them into becoming positive and solutions-oriented, while preventing your high-stakes conversations from turning into shouting matches.

Crucial Conversations Review

Crucial Conversations (2002) is a valuable read for anyone looking to improve their communication skills. Here's why this book is worth your time:

It offers practical strategies for handling difficult conversations, equipping readers with the tools they need to navigate challenging situations successfully.
With real-life examples and research-based insights, this book provides a solid foundation for understanding how communication impacts relationships and outcomes.
Its engaging stories and relatable anecdotes make the content come alive, ensuring that readers won't find it dull or tedious to delve into the world of crucial conversations.

Best quote from Crucial Conversations

Crucial Conversations = A discussion between two or more people where (1) stakes are high, (2) opinions vary, and (3) emotions run strong.

—Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler

Who should read Crucial Conversations?

Anyone whose job requires dealing with other people often
Anyone who wants to improve conversations in their personal relationships
Anyone who offers professional communications training

About the Author

The authors are co-founders of VitalSmarts, a consulting company that focuses on organizational performance and corporate training. As follow-ups to Crucial Conversations, the authors wrote Crucial Confrontations and Crucial Accountability, which aim to provide additional tools for resolving unmet expectations and bad behavior.

Categories with Crucial Conversations

Psychology Marketing & Sales Sex & Relationships Management & Leadership Communication Skills Personal Development Career & Success

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