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Blink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience
Growing up, Brené Brown was sure she had magic powers – that she could predict the future, and make connections no one else around her could.
She remembers how her high-school swim coach had an explosive temper, and that all her classmates were terrified of him. They couldn’t quite figure out why he would suddenly get so angry all the time. But Brené knew. She’d noticed he’d freak out when people weren’t trying hard in practice. It didn’t matter how talented you were – if you weren’t one hundred percent committed to improvement, you’d set him off. On the other hand, if he saw you were taking the practice seriously, he’d never get angry at you, even if you were a mediocre swimmer. And he loved the backstroke.
So, Brené worked on her backstroke. In order to stay under the radar and not piss off her teacher, she gave it her all.
Staying under the radar was the main function of the heightened levels of awareness she'd developed as a kid – what felt like her magic powers. It helped her navigate her home life, with her complicated parents. In public, her parents were sociable, kind, and fun. But, behind closed doors at home, their behavior was unpredictable. Their moods would swing wildly, and they could get pretty angry without much, if any, warning. It was confusing, and it made Brené and her four siblings feel ashamed. After all, their parents only behaved like this when they were at home – so it was only natural that it made Brené and her siblings feel it was their fault that they got so upset. On top of that, Brené was the oldest of the kids, so she felt like it was her job to protect everyone else from their outbursts.
And so she became very observant. She learned to identify people’s soft spots, or what she now calls everyone’s “shame triggers” – like the ill-timed jokes or misjudged requests that might set someone off.
Besides just her parents, she began to notice how other adults around her would channel their anger into everyday moments, like watching sports or road rage. She understood that those situations were often completely unrelated to what was really making them angry.
At the time, Brené didn't know what to do with all this emotional awareness. Nobody at home talked about their feelings, or expressed them much at all. The only acceptable emotion was anger – and just because Brené could predict the outbursts, it wasn't any less painful when she was on the receiving end of them.
Of course, emotional awareness is precisely what Brené Brown is known for today. It's a superpower she's honed over a stellar career, and a skill she passes on in Atlas of the Heart.
Atlas of the Heart (2021) is a guide to understanding your emotions and learning how to regulate them. Everyone experiences strong emotions, but most people can’t identify what it is they’re feeling, or work out where the feelings come from. Developing your emotional vocabulary will transform your relationship to yourself, and the people around you.
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Try Blinkist to get the key ideas from 7,500+ bestselling nonfiction titles and podcasts. Listen or read in just 15 minutes.
Get startedBlink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma