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Blink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
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Talk summary
Elizabeth Stokoe
The Science of Conversation
25 mins
Brief summary
Talk by Elizabeth Stokoe is a fascinating exploration of the science of conversation. It showcases how small changes in communication can have a significant impact on resolving conflicts, building relationships, and improving the overall quality of our conversations.
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Talk
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Breaking conversation into building blocks reveals that most interactions follow predictable patterns.
You probably first learned to “take turns” in playtime at school, but taking turns is equally crucial for successful conversation.
When you’re in conversation, you and your partner are engaged in completing a conversational project. It might be a project as simple as ordering a pizza or as challenging as asking for a promotion. Whatever it is, you and your partner collaborate in completing this project through a series of conversational turns.
A conversational turn is a grammatically coherent unit of talk. Additional non-verbal cues, like trailing off or employing downward intonation, signal the turn is complete. As we listen, we’re analyzing when the speaker’s turn will finish, and when our turn should be next.
Turns are organized in adjacency pairs. The first turn in a pair is designed to prompt an appropriate second turn. A greeting is designed to prompt a greeting, a question is designed to prompt an answer, and so on.
Basically, conversation consists of turn-taking. One person talks, the other person listens and waits to talk. So far, so obvious! But a more detailed look at turn-taking reveals that it’s the source of some common conversational problems.
The end of a turn presents a potential conversational minefield. Misread the cues and you might end up interrupting someone before they’ve finished what they want to say, creating the impression that you’re not listening.
What’s more, the endings of some turns are artificial – that is, they’re only designed to produce short responses. If someone completes a turn in the middle of a long story, they’re inviting you to interject with something along the lines of “Really?” They’re not inviting you to interrupt with a lengthy anecdote of your own.
Meanwhile, if you talk out of turn, you’re a first mover. This means that you fail to complete adjacency pairs properly – and you might be creating a poor conversational impression because of it.
If your neighbor responds to your greeting of “Good morning!” with a demand, such as, “You need to do something about your dog barking,” then she’s a first mover. Her demand may be reasonable, but without following the convention of responding to a greeting with a greeting before moving the conversation along, it comes off as rude and unreasonable.
Taking turns is harder than it first seems, but once you’ve mastered the art, you’re well on your way to smoother conversations.
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What is Talk about?
From small talk with the barista to water-cooler chat with colleagues, we spend a lot of our time talking — yet very few of us understand the science that underpins how we talk. Talk (2018) breaks down the fundamental building blocks and typical patterns of conversational encounters to reveal the structures and strategies behind what we say, and offers a blueprint for how we can learn to talk and listen more effectively.
Talk Review
Talk (2020) by Elizabeth Stokoe explores the power of conversation and reveals the secrets to effective communication. Here's why this book is definitely worth reading:
- Through in-depth research and real-life examples, Stokoe provides valuable insights on how we can improve our conversations, both professionally and personally.
- It offers practical tips and strategies that can be implemented immediately, helping readers become better communicators and build stronger relationships.
- The book challenges our assumptions about communication, debunking common myths and offering fresh perspectives, making it an engaging and thought-provoking read.
Who should read Talk?
- Anyone who’s ever had trouble getting a point across
- Anyone who’s ever suffered a communication breakdown
- People who want to take their conversational skills up a notch
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Talk FAQs
What is the main message of Talk?
The main message of Talk is that understanding the patterns and structure of conversation can improve our interactions and relationships.
How long does it take to read Talk?
The reading time for Talk varies depending on the reader's speed, but it typically takes a few hours. The Blinkist summary can be read in just 15 minutes.
Is Talk a good book? Is it worth reading?
Talk is worth reading as it provides valuable insights into the dynamics of conversation and offers practical tips for better communication.
Who is the author of Talk?
The author of Talk is Elizabeth Stokoe.
What to read after Talk?
If you're wondering what to read next after Talk, here are some recommendations we suggest:
- The Game by Neil Strauss
- Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson
- Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone
- Curious by Ian Leslie
- The Fine Art Of Small Talk by Debra Fine
- The Science of Kissing by Sheril Kirshenbaum
- How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes
- The Daily Laws by Robert Greene
- Labor of Love by Moira Weigel
- Fascinate by Sally Hogshead
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