Getting to Yes Book Summary - Getting to Yes Book explained in key points

Listen to the Intro

00:00

Getting to Yes summary

Name: Getting to Yes
Rating: 4.3 (664 reviews)
Author: Roger Fisher, William Ury & Bruce Patton

Roger Fisher William Ury Bruce Patton

Negotiating an Agreement Without Giving In

4.3 (664 ratings)

18 mins

Brief summary

'Getting to Yes' by Roger Fisher, William Ury & Bruce Patton is a guide to negotiating effectively. It offers practical tools for creating win-win solutions and improving communication skills to resolve conflicts.

Topics

Negotiations Resolving Conflict

Table of Contents

Getting to Yes
Summary of 11 key ideas

Audio & text in the Blinkist app

Key idea 1 of 11

Learn to negotiate well; everything is based on negotiations.

This is sometimes hard to imagine, but just a few decades ago decisions were rarely made as a result of discussions or negotiations. They were usually made by one person: whoever was in charge.

Back then, the world was a place of hierarchy: at home, every decision concerning the family was made by the “wise father,” and at work, everybody adhered to the path dictated by the company’s boss.

Today, such authoritarian structures are increasingly rare. Hierarchies are flatter, information is more accessible, and more and more people participate in decisions at all levels.

Hence, it has become much more important for us to talk to others and include them in our decision-making processes. Politicians now talk to their voters, and companies encourage their employees to participate in company decisions.

Even parent-child interactions are becoming more democratic. In the age of Google, parents can no longer simply say, “Don’t do this; it’s unhealthy,” because their child can just go online, find counterevidence and argue their claim.

Today, finding agreements in any area of life means negotiating. Arguing with friends about which movie to see is very different to haggling over prices with suppliers or negotiating international arms embargos, yet in many ways all negotiations are similar to each other.

By arming yourself with the right knowledge and tools, you can vastly improve the outcomes of all your negotiations. And since every day of your life involves some kind of negotiating, it’s well worth your time to do so.

Learn to negotiate well; everything is based on negotiations.

Avoid trench warfare. It costs a lot and brings very little in return.

Too often, conflicts turn into trench warfare: both parties take a position, defend it fiercely and only make concessions if they have to. In such a situation, finding a solution is not the result of negotiation; either the more stubborn side wins or a compromise is found that both sides can, more or less, live with.

The problem with these types of conflicts is that both parties have fixated on their initial positions. Instead of searching for a good solution together, they both want to “win” or at least avoid an embarrassing defeat. Such a mindset precludes a win-win solution.

This usually results in an open battle, which costs a lot of time and energy. Even worse, often both sides will take unnecessarily extreme positions because they expect to have to make concessions. In fact, this only results in longer and more painful arguments.

Trench warfare not only makes it more difficult to resolve the conflict at hand, it can also harm the relationships between the two parties: “If that 2% discount is more important to you than our long-term business relationship, maybe you should find a different supplier!”

Trench warfare is bad in many ways: it results in sub-optimal solutions (at best), consumes a lot of time and energy and harms relationships.

Avoid trench warfare. It costs a lot and brings very little in return.

Keep in mind that you’re negotiating with people.

It is shortsighted to consider a negotiation as a factual discussion between perfectly rational individuals. In negotiations, there is never one reality; there are always at least two subjective interpretations of reality. Both sides always bring their personalities, experiences, values and emotions to the table.

This means they will often look at things differently and have their own interpretations of the “facts.” Sometimes two people will talk about totally different things without even realizing they are doing so.

Also, people can respond very differently to the same situation, especially if it’s a stressful one. A long, intense discussion can make one person aggressive, which might irritate the other person and make them defensive. When this happens, any further discussion becomes effectively pointless.

In every negotiation, the combination of differing perceptions and strong emotions are pure poison to finding a mutually satisfactory result. And, unfortunately, rational arguments are not the cure.

Every negotiation actually happens on two distinct levels: the level of factual arguments, and the level of human perceptions and emotions.

It’s never possible to completely separate these two levels, of course, but keep in mind that there’s always an interpersonal level at play in addition to the facts, and that this can be the source of many conflicts or misunderstandings.

Hence, address emotions like anger or fear. This requires empathy and the willingness to consider not only the facts but also the people you are dealing with.

Keep in mind that you’re negotiating with people.

Fight the problem, not the person you’re negotiating with.

The goal of a negotiation should never be to “win,” as if the other party were an opponent. Rather, both parties should focus on finding a long-term solution together.

This is why negotiators should always separate the factual level of an argument from the interpersonal level. If you want to negotiate successfully, always remain on the level of facts.

Of course, this only works if both sides are willing to approach the problem rationally rather than emotionally. This means both have to see each other as partners striving for a win-win solution, not as enemies in a battle that only one side can win.

Ideally, you should both distance yourselves from the topic at hand and look at it together from a somewhat neutral perspective. Sometimes it helps to simply sit on the same side of the table. This way, the issue is no longer perceived as a battle between you but rather as a problem on the table in front of you, and one that can be solved together.

Both parties should strive to use neutral language and stick to the facts. Never stoop to attacks of a personal nature, and never accuse the other person of being unreasonable, no matter how absurd you find their position. When you do, you create distance, which can cause the other person to lose sight of the facts and respond on a purely emotional level.

For example, a separated couple shouldn’t argue about who is to blame for a failed marriage; rather, they should discuss which future arrangements are going to be best for their children.

Fight the problem, not the person you’re negotiating with.

Before you search for solutions, understand both parties’ underlying interests.

Often the positions of the two sides in a negotiation seem incompatible. Take a married couple’s holiday plans, for example: “I want to spend the holidays by the sea,” versus, “I want to go to the Alps.”

But when you look below the surface at the interests behind these two positions, you may be surprised at the new solutions that can arise, often without necessitating any compromises. If the husband wants to go the sea so that he can swim and his spouse wants to go to the Alps to rock climb, why not spend the holidays by a mountain lake?

However, often a position is based on a myriad of interests – not just one. In the example above, the couple’s differing positions could be the result of many different expectations about geography, accommodation, food, etc.

To find a constructive solution, try to understand all the relevant interests. Once you have identified the differences, it’s much easier to prioritize and discover where painless concessions are possible. What’s their goal? Where do you agree? Where are the main differences between your position and theirs? And above all, where do those differences come from?

Often people’s main drivers are their basic needs for recognition, control, security, and belonging. If you don’t know what is driving the other person, ask them: e.g., “Why do you want to go to the Alps?” or “What makes you object to this?”

At the same time, make sure you understand your own drivers and interests. Express them openly before you come up with suggestions. Only when both sides’ interests are clear will you find a solution that both sides are happy with.

Before you search for solutions, understand both parties’ underlying interests.

Outline options before you search for solutions.

When two people negotiate, they typically already have a clear vision of what kind of outcome they would like. Often they bring draft contracts, hoping to convince the other person to agree to them.

Such “solutions” are bound to fail: they are inherently imbalanced because they’re based on one position only. They’re just too narrow to provide a realistic foundation for a joint solution.

Rather than bringing such one-sided proposals to the table, be open to discussing all kinds of potential solutions, and only accept one that both parties happily agree with.

Consider someone asking you, “Who do you think will win the Nobel Prize in Literature next year?” Most likely, you wouldn’t immediately come up with one name; instead, you would assemble a list of candidates and choose one after consideration.

This is exactly how you should search for the outcome of a negotiation.

Think of the negotiation consisting of two distinct phases: first you outline potential solutions, and only then you actually agree on something. Do not mix up the two.

Start by highlighting the most extreme positions, go through different scenarios and consider the details. Be creative: scribble sketches, hold brainstorming sessions, ask experts, etc. Consider making a good-natured game out of coming up with the most extreme positions (e.g., by asking, “What would the liberals say? What about the hard-core conservatives?”).

You will end up with many potential solutions, and, as you move into the second phase of discussing them, hopefully some will prove acceptable for both sides.

Outline options before you search for solutions.

Always find objective criteria to base your decision on.

No matter how good your intentions, surprising your negotiation partner with a fully formulated suggestion for a solution is not a good way to move the negotiation forward. The other person will usually disagree and respond either defensively or aggressively.

Instead, first find the right criteria to base your decision on. These should be unambiguous and objective so there is no room for misinterpretation on either side.

For instance, the fair price for a house is not just the target price either the seller or the buyer had in mind. A fair price should be estimated based on things such as the average price per square meter, the condition of the building, and the prices for similar homes in the area. All these criteria are objective and testable.

When negotiating, both sides should openly state their criteria for evaluating the quality of the solution. The criteria don’t have to be identical, but they should be objective and understandable.

Never give in to pressure or to an ultimatum. If someone gives you a figure and says, “That’s my last offer,” simply ask what the underlying criteria are; e.g., “Why do you consider that a fair price?”

Often there will be no tried-and-tested yardsticks, gold-standards or precedents you can rely on. Nevertheless, always try to find objective criteria to base your decision on.

Whenever it’s impossible to find the right criteria, make sure you at least have a fair decision process. This aspect of negotiation is understood even in kindergarten, where they teach the “I cut, you choose” method: when a cookie is to be divided among two children, the first child cuts the cookie, but he’d better be fair because the second child gets to choose which half goes to whom.

Always find objective criteria to base your decision on.

To negotiate well, you have to be well-prepared.

Never attend a negotiation unprepared.

Preparation means knowing as much as possible about the facts beforehand. Gather all the information you can, and study your data closely.

Learn about both the people you’ll deal with as well as the specific context of the negotiation. What drives the other person? What are their interests and their goals? Are they independent in their decision, or do they have to consider the interests of their bosses, partners, or spouses? Are there certain personal, political or religious conditions you should know about?

The more things you know, the more you will understand the other person, and the more likely you will both find a constructive solution. The less you know, the more likely that you will end up arguing about non-factual matters based on prejudices, speculations and emotions.

Also, don’t underestimate the logistical details of negotiations. When and where should the negotiation take place? At your office? At home? On neutral ground? What about the meeting itself: How should it take place? By phone? Face to face? Or even in a larger group? What role does time play? Will pressure in the form of a deadline help or harm the negotiation?

By investing time in studying the details and preparing thoroughly, you help to create a positive setting where both sides will feel comfortable. This vastly improves your chances of having a constructive discussion rather than becoming stuck in your initial positions.

To negotiate well, you have to be well-prepared.

Negotiation is communication: listen and stick to talking about facts!

It is no secret that most conflicts and problems would never arise in the first place if there was better communication. Often, misunderstandings and knowledge gaps are what lead to arguments, and better communication can help avoid both these problems.

Even if there is an open conflict, make sure your communication is positive and solution-oriented. Keep the discussion going, and don’t let the flow be interrupted by both parties becoming fixated on an argument.

To do this, you must first of all listen. Don’t hear only what you want to hear but what the other person is really saying. An easy tool is to rephrase what you hear: “If I understand you correctly, your point of view is….” This way, you show that you’re listening, and you avoid misunderstandings from the very start because the other person can immediately clarify if something has been misunderstood.

Once you’ve understood the position of the other person, state what your own interests are. Don’t talk about what you consider to be their mistakes and fallacies in his position; instead, talk about your own expectations and hopes.

Never respond emotionally, but, when necessary, give the other person space to vent their anger or other emotions. When such emotions arise, explain them; e.g., “I see why you are angry, and I myself was disappointed because….”

The goal is always to bring the discussion to the level of facts and to keep the discussion flowing. Silence is the end of every negotiation.

Negotiation is communication: listen and stick to talking about facts!

Even the best tools can’t always guarantee success.

In theory, a negotiation should always lead to better results if both sides are open, structure their negotiation correctly, use objective criteria and strive to find an ideal solution together.

But you can never force the other person to act in a certain way or to give up their extreme position or irrational expectations. You can only try.

It can help to open the discussion by outlining the matter at hand as well as the process you would like to follow in the negotiation: agree on how you want to negotiate and how you will make a decision.

If the other person refuses to follow such a process, or if they use dirty tricks such as the classic “good cop, bad cop” or the insidious “I would love to, but my boss…,” then address this openly. Make it clear you will only accept a discussion based on an understanding of both sides’ interests and focused on objective decision-criteria.

In addition to the process of your negotiation, there are other factors that can impact the outcome of the negotiation. For instance, whenever there is an imbalance in power between the two sides, like when you discuss a wage raise with your boss, you can only point out why you think it would be beneficial for both you and her to negotiate at eye level. But in the end, she will decide on how the negotiation goes and you will have to accept it.

And remember, though most things in life are up for negotiation, some remain completely non-negotiable. Not even the best-trained and most experienced negotiators would be able to buy the White House, for example.

Even the best tools can’t always guarantee success.

Final Summary

The key message in this book is:

Don’t consider conflicts a zero-sum game. Avoid trench warfare and instead try to understand and address the underlying interests of all parties. Stick to the facts, remember you’re dealing with humans, and stay open-minded when it comes to solutions.

The questions answered in this book:

Why is it valuable to learn how to negotiate well?

Learn to negotiate well; everything is based on negotiations.
Avoid trench warfare. It costs a lot and brings very little in return.

What does it mean to negotiate?

Keep in mind that you’re negotiating with people.
Fight the problem, not the person you’re negotiating with.
Before you search for solutions, understand both parties’ underlying interests.

Which tools and tricks can you use?

Outline options before you search for solutions.
Always find objective criteria to base your decision on.
To negotiate well, you have to be well-prepared.
Negotiation is communication: listen and stick to talking about facts!
Even the best tools can’t always guarantee success.

Want more?
Read or listen to the key ideas
from 7,500+ titles

Key ideas in Getting to Yes

More knowledge in less time

Read or listen

Get the key ideas from nonfiction bestsellers in minutes, not hours.

Find your next read

Get book lists curated by experts and personalized recommendations.

Shortcasts ^New

We’ve teamed up with podcast creators to bring you key insights from podcasts.

What is Getting to Yes about?

Getting to Yes (1981) is considered the reference for successful negotiations. It presents proven tools and techniques that can help you to resolve any conflict and find win-win solutions.

Getting to Yes Review

Getting to Yes (1981) is a practical guide that helps people negotiate effectively by focusing on interests rather than positions. Here's why this book is worth reading:

It offers proven strategies for finding common ground and reaching mutually beneficial agreements.
Incorporating real-life examples and case studies, the book shows how these techniques can be applied in various situations.
With its emphasis on collaborative problem-solving, it provides a refreshing approach to negotiations that can be applied to both personal and professional contexts.

Who should read Getting to Yes?

Anyone interested in improving their negotiation skills, whether for use at work, at home, or both.
Anyone who wants to learn how to find win-win solutions to almost any conflict

About the Author

Roger Fisher (1922–2012) was an American professor at Harvard Law School. With his co-authors, he founded the Harvard Negotiation Project.

William Ury is an anthropologist who works as a peace negotiator for corporations and governments worldwide.

Bruce Patton is a Harvard lecturer and co-founder of Vantage Partners, an international consultancy firm that helps companies improve their negotiations.

Categories with Getting to Yes

Career & Success Marketing & Sales Communication Skills

Book summaries like Getting to Yes

You Can Negotiate Anything

Herb Cohen

Anything you want, you got it

Finding Your Way Through the Hardest and Most Crucial Part of Any Bold Venture

19 min

4.2

Difficult Conversations

Douglas Stone

How to Discuss What Matters Most

The New Psychology of Success

15 min

4.4

Think Like a Rocket Scientist

Ozan Varol

Simple Strategies You Can Use to Make Giant Leaps in Work and Life

The Psychology of Persuasion

33 min

4.5

Never Split the Difference

Chris Voss and Tahl Raz

Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It

19 min

4.4

Secrets of Sand Hill Road

Scott Kupor

Venture Capital and How to Get It

19 min

4.3

The Art of Negotiation

Michael Wheeler

How to Improvise Agreement in a Chaotic World

To Live, to Love, to Learn, to Leave a Legacy

14 min

4.6

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Dale Carnegie

Basic rules for how to make a good first impression

Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone

The secret methods to getting what you want

Own Your Morning. Elevate Your Life.

Upgrade Your Brain, Learn Anything Faster, and Unlock Your Exceptional Life

31 min

4.6

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Stephen R. Covey

Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

23 min

4.6

I Wish Someone Had Told Me ...

Dana Perino

The Best Advice for Building a Great Career and a Meaningful Life

17 min

4.1

Testing Business Ideas

David J. Bland and Alexander Osterwalder

A Field Guide for Rapid Experimentation

Build Trust, Drive Sales, and Become the Market Leader

The New Science of Interviewing

Managing Your Emotions - So They Don't Manage You

22 min

4.2

Negotiation Made Simple

John Lowry

A Practical Guide for Making Strategic Decisions, Finding Solutions, and Delivering the Best Deal

16 min

4.4

Building Your Money Machine with ChatGPT

Larry Wheeler

Use AI to Generate Ideas, Automate Marketing, and Build Profits

17 min

3.2

How Successful People Lead

John C. Maxwell

Taking Your Influence to the Next Level

Escape 9–5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich

28 min

4.2

The Epic of Gilgamesh

Anonymous

A timeless tale of friendship, mortality, and the search for meaning

17 min

4.7

The 7 Commitments of a Great Team

Jon Gordon

Transform any team into a powerhouse of collaboration and growth

18 min

On the Edge

Nate Silver

The Art of Risking Everything

15 min

4.1

Conquering Crisis

Admiral William H. McRaven

Ten Lessons to Learn Before You Need Them

20 min

4.5

Read People Like a Book

Patrick King

How to Analyze, Understand, and Predict People’s Emotions, Thoughts, Intentions, and Behaviors

21 min

3.9

The Art of War (new version)

Sun Tzu

Classic military strategy for politics, business, and everyday life

11 min

4.0

Buddhism – Plain and Simple

Steve Hagen

The Practice of Being Aware, Right Now, Every Day

Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World

The Secrets of Highly Successful Groups

21 min

4.4

You Say More Than You Think

Janine Driver

A 7-Day Plan for Using the New Body Language to Get What You Want

20 min

The Stress Paradox

Sharon Horesh Bergquist

Why You Need Stress to Live Longer, Healthier, and Happier

Six Studies in World Strategy

The Art of Stress-Free Productivity

37 min

Evolve Your Brain

Joe Dispenza

The Science of Changing Your Mind

How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People)

Getting the Customer to Yes: How Problem-Centric Selling Increases Sales by Changing Everything You Know About Relationships, Overcoming Objections, Closing and Price

12 min

4.1

AI 2041

Kai-Fu Lee and Chen Qiufan

Ten Visions for Our Future

How to Start Conversations that Get Results

Stop Overthinking and Channel Your Emotions for Success at Work

16 min

4.4

A Short History of Nearly Everything

Bill Bryson

A journey into the most intriguing and intractable questions that science seeks to answer

38 min

4.5

Workstyle

Lizzie Penny and Alex Hirst

A revolution for wellbeing, productivity and society

21 min

3.8

7 Rules of Self-Reliance

Maha Abouelenein

How to Stay Low, Keep Moving, Invest in Yourself, and Own Your Future

Inspiring Leadership Through Solitude

18 min

4.4

How to Think Like Socrates

Donald J. Robertson

Ancient Philosophy as a Way of Life in the Modern World

16 min

4.5

The Longevity Formula

Avanti Kumar-Singh

Ayurvedic Principles to Reduce Inflammation, Increase Cellular Repair, and Live with Vitality

14 min

3.9

People ❤️ Blinkist

Sven O.

It's highly addictive to get core insights on personally relevant topics without repetition or triviality. Added to that the apps ability to suggest kindred interests opens up a foundation of knowledge.

Thi Viet Quynh N.

Great app. Good selection of book summaries you can read or listen to while commuting. Instead of scrolling through your social media news feed, this is a much better way to spend your spare time in my opinion.

Jonathan A.

Life changing. The concept of being able to grasp a book's main point in such a short time truly opens multiple opportunities to grow every area of your life at a faster rate.

Renee D.

Great app. Addicting. Perfect for wait times, morning coffee, evening before bed. Extremely well written, thorough, easy to use.