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Never Split the Difference (New Version) summary

Name: Never Split the Difference (New Version)
Rating: 4.5 (977 reviews)
Author: Chris Voss and Tahl Raz

Chris Voss and Tahl Raz

Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It

4.5 (977 ratings)

19 mins

Topics

Negotiations Persuasion

Table of Contents

Never Split the Difference (New Version)
Summary of 6 key ideas

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What’s in it for me? Become a master negotiator.

Have you ever felt like you came out on the losing side of a discussion, whether it was at home or in the workplace? Have you ever felt that you didn’t know how to get what you wanted out of a negotiation?

If so, you’re in the right place! This Blink highlights how negotiation comes up in your everyday life. It walks you through several techniques that’ll arm you with the confidence and skills to make the most out of your negotiations – and keep your losses to a minimum.

It won’t teach you problem-solving; conflict is, to some extent, inevitable. But it will give you the tools to get the results you want – drawing on the expertise of Chris Voss, a former lead FBI negotiation expert.

In this Blink, you’ll also learn

which emotional characteristic is your strongest weapon;
what kind of voice to use when negotiating; and
how labeling can save lives.

Negotiation is a part of life – and there’s more to it than rationality and intellect.

Let’s start by laying some common ground. Negotiation is not just something reserved for lawyers, corporate boardrooms, and the FBI – it’s a part of everyday life. It happens at work and with friends, your partner, and even your kids who beg to stay up past their bedtime or have one last try at a videogame level. Every time there are two or more people who want different outcomes from the same situation, negotiation comes into play.

So, what makes for a successful negotiator? Well, accepting that your life is filled with and fueled by negotiation is the first step. There are lots of ways to negotiate, but the most effective techniques incorporate human nature. Connecting with others in a psychologically conscious way will help you understand your own mind as well as your peers’ motives – which will give you a significant advantage. Let’s see how.

For years, negotiation theory was based on the assumption that people acted rationally. But more recent studies, like the one by Amos Tversky and Daniel Kahneman, revealed that the majority of people actually act irrationally and unpredictably. That’s because their behavior is governed by a series of psychological mechanisms called cognitive biases. There are over 150 of them – but the main point is this: people act instinctively, emotionally, and irrationally.

Even rational thoughts are often influenced by irrational ones. And since rational thoughts take longer to formulate, people tend to default to irrationality. Just think about how you came up with that perfect comeback or answer to a discussion – minutes or hours after it ended!

There’s one key technique to negotiating effectively, and that’s listening. In order to gain knowledge of how a person thinks and feels, you have to listen actively, strategically, and empathetically.

Let’s look at some techniques to put this active listening into practice.

Apply active listening techniques to your everyday interactions to build trust.

“Cheeseburger, no onions, sure. And for you?” Have you ever experienced this situation – where a waiter repeats your order after you say it? This is called mirroring, and it’s a technique you can use to develop trust with someone.

Trust is a key element in negotiation. It’ll give you information about how the other person thinks and feels. And by understanding their wants and needs, you’ll be able to predict how they’ll act. This is where active listening comes in.

Emotion and empathy are tools you can use to create trust.

Listening can shed light on someone’s emotions – the main instruments for a successful negotiation. A psychotherapist dives deep into their patient’s emotions to understand their problems and get them to change their behavior. In the same way, the more you can understand your counterpart’s emotions, the more you can influence their actions to your advantage.

Picture this situation. You’ve waited for this day for months – your boss has finally made some time to meet and discuss your salary. You tell them about all the projects you’ve completed, all the extra time you’ve worked, how well you’ve performed, and how you deserve a 10 percent increase. But all you get is a pat on the back while they say, “You’re doing OK, just hold tight. There’s no budget for a raise right now.” You’re devastated, angry, and sad. You’ve put in so much work, but it seems they don’t value or even try to empathize with you!

Just say no!

So far, it’s been all positive thoughts and feelings. You should have a pretty solid tool kit of techniques to generate trust in your counterpart, which will help you gather information about their wants and needs – and direct the negotiation to where you want it to go.

Now let’s get into the negative side. We’ll start by talking about a tiny word we all fear: no. This negative word can be the end of so many ideas. A buzzkill. A fun-stopper. But, for a negotiator, it can be a fundamental weapon – when used right.

Don’t compromise, don’t give in, and never, ever split the difference.

Maybe you’ve been taught that the best outcome for a conflict is one where both parties meet halfway, or split the difference. But this can lead to dissatisfaction for everyone involved. Meeting halfway also exposes you to the possibility of being pushed into a corner. That’s why we’re going to explore ways to avoid compromise, and instead create leverage in your favor.

First up: time. Time is an immensely powerful tool that can cause tranquility or anxiety. In negotiations, you can use time to create pressure. By establishing deadlines, you can force your counterpart to make rushed decisions because they’re afraid of losing something in the future. At the same time, most deadlines are flexible. Knowing this, you can confidently use time to your advantage.

Find the black swan, and use it to your favor.

Black swans were once thought to be mythical creatures – until they were discovered by Europeans in an expedition during the seventeenth century. As a metaphor, a black swan represents the discovery of something unforeseen, surprising, presumed to be impossible. In a negotiation context, a black swan represents the appearance of an unpredictable piece of information. Being able to identify and use black swans to your favor is a critical skill that’ll allow you to generate breakthroughs in your negotiations. Let’s discover how.

In most negotiations, there’s some information about your counterpart that you know for sure – like their name or offer. Then there are things that you know exist or are probable – like the possibility of your counterpart leaving the negotiation altogether. Finally, there are things you don’t know you don’t know – unimaginable information that would completely twist the outcome. These are the black swans, or unknown unknowns. It’s impossible to totally conjure the unimaginable, so the best you can do is to stay flexible and never overvalue your experience or your knowledge.

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What is Never Split the Difference (New Version) about?

Never Split the Difference (2016) is your guide to getting what you want. Drawing on FBI strategies, it offers hands-on advice for how to negotiate your way to success – whether it’s in the office, the home, or a hostage standoff.

Who should read Never Split the Difference (New Version)?

Leaders and managers
Workers in the market for a job or a raise
Anyone with a spouse, partner, or friend

About the Author

Chris Voss is a former lead kidnapping negotiator with the FBI. He’s the founder of the negotiation consultancy The Black Swan Group and has taught negotiation courses everywhere from Harvard to MIT’s Sloan School of Management.

Tahl Raz is a journalist and coauthor of the New York Times best seller Never Eat Alone.

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