Exactly What to Say Book Summary - Exactly What to Say Book explained in key points

Listen to the Intro

00:00

Exactly What to Say summary

Name: Exactly What to Say
Rating: 4.7 (718 reviews)
Author: Phil M Jones

Phil M Jones

Your Personal Guide to the Mastery of Magic Words

4.7 (718 ratings)

14 mins

Table of Contents

Exactly What to Say
summarized in 6 key ideas

Audio & text in the Blinkist app

Key idea 1 of 6

What’s in it for me? We’re not sure if this is for you, but …

We’re not sure if this Blink to Phil M. Jones’s Exactly What to Say is for you, but maybe you’ll know someone else who’s interested.

Okay, you caught us; we’re playing a little game with you here. You see, the phrase “I’m not sure if this is for you, but …” already gets you interested. The first part of the phrase hits your subconscious brain with the feeling that there’s no pressure involved; perhaps you’ll be interested, perhaps you won’t. And at the same time, the suggestion that you might not be interested actually piques your interest and primes you with the idea that a decision has to be made: is it for you, or not?

Adding on the word but at the end, though, is where the real magic comes in. Using but cancels out the “I’m not sure …” part of the sentence and your subconscious simply says, “I want to look at this!”

So, since we’ve already got you hooked, let’s get into some more magic words that can help you steer any conversation or business transaction to work in your favor.

Steering the Conversation

How open-minded are you? Consider that question for a moment. Almost everyone believes that they’re open-minded. Phil Jones, the author of Exactly What to Say, says that if you start a conversation with that phrase and follow it with the idea you want the person to opt into, the odds of them doing so rise from 50-50 to 90-10 in your favor. So if you ask, for instance, “Would you be open-minded about us working together on this?” it makes it difficult for the other person to reject your idea. They feel an obligation to at least try.

Sometimes you find that the person you’re speaking with wants to argue with you. They’re convinced that they know best. To avoid getting into a debate, resist the temptation to try to win the argument, and regain control of the conversation, you can try turning the discussion around by using the words “What do you know about …” These words allow you to test the basis on which the other person’s reasoning is based. Your aim is to get them to recognize that they have insufficient evidence to form their strongly held opinion. So you could try something like, “What do you know about our products?” or “What do you know about the way our business works?” When the other person then answers, you’re in a position to correct any errors in their knowledge.

Getting someone to agree on a date and time to see you to discuss your proposal, business idea, or product can often be challenging. But there’s some good news. A simple phrase will help you overcome other people telling you they don’t have time. When you ask someone, “When would be a good time to … ?” the other person’s subconscious is already tuned into the idea that there is a good time and that saying no isn’t the right response. By using the phrase you’ve demonstrated to the other person that you know they’re busy but there will be a time when they can fit you in.

Presenting Options

If you’ve sent some business materials in advance of a meeting, or it’s the second time you’re seeing a person after pitching your idea, you still need to keep control of the conversation. A good opening phrase in such situations is “I guess you haven’t got around to …” This allows the other person to save face. So, for example, if the person had said they need to consult their partner, you could say “I guess you haven’t got around to talking to your partner, yet.” In this scenario, the person will either be proud that they have actually done it or be embarrassed that they haven’t.

At the end of your presentations, how often do you close with, “Do you have any questions?” Many people do, but what this question does is create an expectation in the other person that they should have a question and feel stupid if they don’t have any. If you change the wording to “What questions do you have for me?” the other person either has a question or has no questions at all. If the former, you can provide the answer, and if the latter, then you’re closer to closing your deal.

Cause and Effect

There are two types of people in this world, people who immediately put into action what they hear about, and those who do nothing. We’re sure you already identify – or want to identify – with the first group of people. The moment the phrase “two types of people” is uttered, the voice in your head or anyone else’s says, “I must be one or the other,” and of course, you and they want to pick the more favorable choice.

I bet you’re a bit like me: you’d rather be working on something productive than flicking through Netflix in the evenings. Even if, in this case, you’re not like me, those words are powerful when it comes to getting someone to agree with you. If the person disagrees with you, it’s a useful tool to gather information about the person you’re presenting to. And when they do agree, it takes away possible future objections – especially if it comes to saying they don’t have time for the opportunity you’re offering them.

Guiding Next Steps

Imagine for a moment that you’ve gone back in time to when you were a child. You’re at the beach and there’s a rocky outcrop from which you can jump into the sea. You’re with other kids, too, but none of you wants to be the first to jump. Eventually, the first brave kid leaps into the water and lands with a splash. As soon as everyone sees the big smile on the first kid’s face and the fact that they’re not hurt, everyone wants a go.

You see, the thing about us humans is that we like to be followers and we trust in safety in numbers. And that’s where our next magic words come in: most people. When we use those words to describe a situation to someone, their subconscious says that if most people do that, then probably they should too.

Easing into Decisions

It’s Friday night, and you really want to meet up with your friend at the movie theater. They decline saying they can’t get there because their car is at the garage. You can overcome this objection using an “If I can… Will you?” structure, so, “If I can pick you up and drop you off afterward, will you be ready at 8:00 p.m.?” This simple technique also works in negotiations, on price for instance – “If I can match that price, will you be able to place an order?”

Getting someone to say yes when they’ve been heading toward no is a pretty difficult task. What you really need to do is get them to switch to maybe first. How can you do that? Try steering them back toward your idea using the words, “Before you make your mind up …”

Final Summary

Using the right words at the right time makes all the difference. We’ve covered a lot of words and situations, but there’s something you really need to remember: these magic words will work with most people most of the time, but not with all of the people all of the time.

Don’t be discouraged when they don’t work for you. Keep practicing! The more you use them, the more they’ll become second nature. Eventually, armed with these magic words – and your dedication, ambition, and drive – instead of counting conversations, you’ll soon be having conversations that count.

Want to see all full key ideas from Exactly What to Say?

Key ideas in Exactly What to Say

More knowledge in less time

Read or listen

Get the key ideas from nonfiction bestsellers in minutes, not hours.

Find your next read

Get book lists curated by experts and personalized recommendations.

Shortcasts ^New

We’ve teamed up with podcast creators to bring you key insights from podcasts.

What is Exactly What to Say about?

Exactly What to Say (2017) is designed to provide you with the key phrases and words to make your conversations count and bring you success. It contains magic words. Words that are heard and interpreted by the subconscious mind. Words which will help you get the results you want.

Who should read Exactly What to Say?

Anyone interested in how words can influence others at a subconscious level
Success-driven individuals who want to up their game
Entrepreneurs who want to get their prospects to say yes more often

About the Author

Phil M. Jones has a mission: “to help great people get better.” He started work at the age of 14 with a sponge and a bucket washing people’s cars. That grew into a whole group of friends working for him by the age of 15. He went on to become a much sought-after sales professional before starting his consultancy business in 2008. His other best-selling books include Straight Forward, Exactly Where to Start, and Exactly How to Sell.

Categories with Exactly What to Say

Psychology Communication Skills

Books like Exactly What to Say

Magic Words

Tim David

The Science and Secrets Behind 7 Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence

Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

Lessons in Liberty from a Hospital Diary

18 min

3.6

The WEIRDest People in the World

Joseph Henrich

How the West Became Psychologically Peculiar and Particularly Prosperous

19 min

4.1

How to Talk to Anyone

Leil Lowndes

92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships

25 min

4.2

The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control

Katherine Morgan Schafler

A Path to Peace and Power

16 min

4.5

Impromptu

Reid Hoffman with GPT-4

Amplifying Our Humanity Through AI

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in 7 Weeks

18 min

4.3

Talk Triggers

Jay Baer and Daniel Lemin

The Complete Guide to Creating Customers with Word of Mouth

16 min

4.5

Handbook of Strategic 360 Feedback

Allan H. Church

Useful Tools and Strategies to Optimize Performance Management

The Hidden Determinants of Human Behaviour

A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships

An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones

The Overthinking In Relationships Fix

Rodney Noble

Toxic Thoughts That Can Destroy Your Relationship And How To Fix Them

17 min

4.3

Baby Steps Millionaires

Dave Ramsey

How Ordinary People Built Extraordinary Wealth-and how You Can Too

The Science and Art of Longevity

Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy

18 min

3.3

The Procrastination Cure

Jeffery Combs

7 Steps to Stop Putting Life Off

Find the Courage to Quit Your Job, Make More Money, Work Where You Want, and Change the World

The Psychology of Persuasion

33 min

4.6

Let That Sh*t Go

Nina Purewal and Kate Petriw

Find Peace of Mind and Happiness in Your Everyday

How to Stop Struggling and Start Living

18 min

4.6

The Highly Sensitive Person

Elaine N. Aron

How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life

19 min

4.6

How to Win Friends & Influence People

Dale Carnegie

Basic rules for how to make a good first impression

An uncommon guide to rapid fat-loss, incredible sex and becoming superhuman

Own Your Morning. Elevate Your Life.

22 min

4.5

Guns, Germs and Steel

Jared Diamond

The Fates Of Human Societies

The Plant-Based Gut Health Program for Losing Weight, Restoring Your Health, and Optimizing Your Microbiome

Uncover Your Power and Set Yourself Free

16 min

4.4

The Fine Art Of Small Talk

Debra Fine

How To Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills – and Leave a Positive Impression!

19 min

4.1

Love More, Fight Less

Gina Senarighi

Communication Skills Every Couple Needs

How to Think and Act Like the Most Successful and Highest-Paid People in Every Field

26 min

4.2

Thinking, Fast and Slow

Daniel Kahneman

Intuition or deliberation? Where you can (and can't) trust your brain

The Secrets of the Universe, the Science of the Brain

18 min

4.0

The Gap and the Gain

Dan Sullivan with Benjamin Hardy

The High Achievers' Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Success

19 min

4.6

Adult Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

Stephanie M. Kriesberg

Quiet the Critical Voice in Your Head, Heal Self-Doubt, and Live the Life You Deserve

Mastering the Habits That Matter Most

A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children

The Facts and the Solutions

A Groundbreaking Way to Restore Balance, Happiness and Productivity

19 min

4.5

Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Difficult People

Renée Evenson

Over 325 Ready-to-use Words and Phrases for Working with Challenging Personalities

Winning the Heart of the Woman of Your Dreams

A Self-Help Book for Societies

A Retelling of the Myths of Ancient Greece

18 min

4.7

How To Read Literature Like A Professor

Thomas C. Foster

A Lively and Entertaining Guide to Reading Between the Lines

The Carbon Footprint of Everything

End Self-Sabotage and Demand Your Life Back

14 min

4.3

People ❤️ Blinkist

Sven O.

It's highly addictive to get core insights on personally relevant topics without repetition or triviality. Added to that the apps ability to suggest kindred interests opens up a foundation of knowledge.

Thi Viet Quynh N.

Great app. Good selection of book summaries you can read or listen to while commuting. Instead of scrolling through your social media news feed, this is a much better way to spend your spare time in my opinion.

Jonathan A.

Life changing. The concept of being able to grasp a book's main point in such a short time truly opens multiple opportunities to grow every area of your life at a faster rate.

Renee D.

Great app. Addicting. Perfect for wait times, morning coffee, evening before bed. Extremely well written, thorough, easy to use.