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Name: The Curious History of Dating
Rating: 4.1 (40 reviews)
Author: Nichi Hodgson

Nichi Hodgson

From Jane Austen to Tinder

4.1 (40 ratings)

30 mins

Brief summary

The Curious History of Dating by Nichi Hodgson is a fascinating exploration of the evolution of dating customs and norms throughout history, challenging modern assumptions and shedding light on the universal experiences of love and relationships.

Topics

Dating Sex

Table of Contents

The Curious History of Dating
Summary of 11 key ideas

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Key idea 1 of 11

What’s in it for me? Get to grips with the romantic history of British dating.

Pairing up, whatever your sexuality, has always been an important facet of human existence. And the British are just as bad at it as everyone else – if not worse!

In these blinks, you’ll get an overview of how British attitudes toward dating have changed over the last three hundred years. Understand the cultural history of British dating, and you’ll see just what sort of baggage it comes with today. From prosaic newspaper ads and stilted London balls through to selecting a potential match with a swipe across a screen, the British have come a long way.

But while the method has changed, a class-conscious attitude to dating remains to this day. Here you’ll gain insight into the history of British dating and how the British are tuned to interact socially.

In these blinks, you’ll learn:

the unseemly origin of the word “jazz”;
the acceptable grounds for divorce in 1930s United Kingdom; and
until what year the World Health Organization classed homosexuality as a mental illness.

Status marriages were the norm in the 1700s before the early Victorian Era made romance more acceptable.

When we look back at the history of interaction between men and women in the United Kingdom some of it sounds very quaint, and some of it sounds very familiar.

Just consider the phenomenon of “courtesy” manuals, which found a readership right up to the end of the seventeenth century. These were read by men – the pick-up artists of their day – so that they could charm their way into a lady’s knickers.

But times were changing. It was the age of Jane Austen. And, if you’re familiar with her novels, you’ll know that marriages in the late 1700s were rather more concerned with social status and money than with love. If both parties scored those assets, then you’d have a “good” marriage on your hands.

The consequences for courting were clear. Instead of lightweight sweet talk, men started appealing directly to women’s – or perhaps their fathers’ – reasoning. Your best assets were a respectable character and robust bank account.

Consequently, people’s attitudes toward dating changed: they knew what they wanted and what they could offer. Before long, the number of Lonely Hearts ads in the daily press multiplied.

Of course, the wealthy did not resort to placing ads. They had “the Season” in London. It ran from March to June and was stuffed full of balls and galas. Families sent their daughters along to be seen in public and snapped up by potential husbands.

They were pretty stiff affairs. Dress rules and codes of conduct were very strict. Even the smallest slip up might result in a young woman being overlooked for the rest of the season.

Thankfully, such status-led dating gave way to romance in the 1800s. This change of attitude was partly sparked by Queen Victoria’s very public affection for her husband, Prince Albert. She even proposed to him!

Valentine’s Day cards also took off in this period. Though they’re now considered a classic romantic gesture, it was the arrival of cheap paper and new printing techniques that helped popularize them.

In 1836, 60,000 cards were sent in Britain, rising to an incredible 400,000 in 1840. The introduction of a cheap public postal service meant their numbers tripled again by 1871.

However, this new romancing was still heavily influenced by gender and class norms. A lady of high rank could hardly elevate a lower-class lover through marriage. That liberty was only allowed to gentlemen.

Cultural shifts in the late 1800s and early 1900s liberated both women and men.

In 1870, the Married Women’s Property Act came into effect, and its repercussions were huge. Before then, whatever a woman owned or inherited automatically became the property of her husband after marriage. No longer.

The gender imbalance in romance still existed, but it was not quite so lopsided anymore.

The First World War advanced female independence, and the London party scene followed hot on its heels.

In August 1914, the First World War broke out. Thirty women in the town of Folkestone in the south of England began distributing white feathers to men not wearing a military uniform. It was a snub to the men, a symbol of surrender and cowardice. With that act, they started a trend that went countrywide.

The intended message was clear: women were to be passive in this war and men were there to protect them.

The 1930s saw the cinema become a dating favorite, and women’s independence increased further.

Although marriage rates among women had dipped during wartime and the early 1920s, the 1930s saw them buoyant once more. The average age for tying the knot even fell to around 25 for women and 27 for men. That may seem like positive news, but the Great Depression meant that life generally was one of poverty and mass unemployment.

In short, dating had become a luxury. And on top of that, unemployed men were resentful of women with jobs, and that wasn’t exactly a recipe for romance.

The Second World War led to a wedding boom, but the temptations of the home front proved the downfall of many.

In 1939, war came to Europe once more. Its impact was immense, not least on the interaction between the sexes. Weekend affairs and casual flings became quite the thing, but then again, so did marriage.

In 1938, 409,000 weddings took place in England and Wales, a number which rocketed to 494,000 in 1939 and 534,000 in 1940.

American culture affected how Britons met socially, and attitudes toward sex relaxed a little too.

The war came to an end, but life remained tough. Rationing in the United Kingdom persisted deep into the 1950s, and income tax stood at double today’s rates.

As people sought to recover their lives, expensive dating was hardly a top priority. But the landscape of dating still evolved, most notably, once again, thanks to cultural imports from America.

The 1960s saw a huge cultural shift and increased sexual freedom, but these changes weren't universal.

The year 1967 marked a watershed in many ways, not least because the Sexual Offences Act was passed. This decriminalized homosexual acts in private between consenting adults in England and Wales. The open peace-and-love spirit of the age was also exemplified by interracial celebrity couples like John Lennon and Yoko Ono, as well Michael and Shakira Caine.

This increasing sense of acceptance went hand in hand with an economic boom. People now had disposable incomes, since both men and women were able to get steady jobs at younger ages.

Sexual liberation became increasingly normalized in the 1970s, but individual attitudes still varied.

It’s important to remember that mores didn’t change for everyone at the same speed – even if society as a whole was gradually changing.

In 1970, for instance, you could pick up a copy of the daily newspaper the Sun with a photo of a topless model in it, but an unmarried couple couldn’t book a room at many hotels.

The 1980s established that dating could be fun, but the AIDS epidemic cast a dark shadow.

By the 1980s, dating was seen as something cheeky and fun by the British. Nothing exemplified that more than the wildly popular TV show Blind Date, which was first broadcast in 1985.

Three contestants were lined up behind a screen and answered questions posed by their potential date partner. She would then make her pick based on their answers.

Third-wave 1990s feminism changed women’s self-perception, while new forms of dating were rather impersonal.

In 1991, the Daily Mail ran a report on a new phenomenon they called “emancipatory impotence.” Supposedly, improved healthcare provision had allowed older women’s sexual libidos to flourish to such an extent that their husbands couldn’t match them in bed.

Clearly, even the conservative news outlets were aware that perceptions of women’s sexuality were changing.

The new millennium saw gains in the LGBTQI community, sexual liberation in print and a migration to online dating.

By the time the noughties rolled around, much had changed in the world of dating.

For women, marriage and motherhood were no longer quite so central. More generally, people began to embrace their sexualities and preferences like never before.

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What is The Curious History of Dating about?

The Curious History of Dating (2017) guides readers through the history of dating and relationships in the United Kingdom. From the formal dances and rules of the 1700s to the growth of online dating in recent years, these blinks show that dating and finding true love has always been a difficult affair. But thankfully, today it’s easier than ever before.

Best quote from The Curious History of Dating

Queen Victoria broke with tradition by being a woman who proposed to her partner on a day other than Leap Day, February 29th.

—Nichi Hodgson

Who should read The Curious History of Dating?

Non-Brits confused about the etiquette for dating a Brit
Long-term couples looking for some historically-based date inspiration
Curious fans of British social history

About the Author

Nichi Hodgson is a British journalist, broadcaster and author based in London. She regularly contributes to news outlets such as the Guardian, Vice and the Daily Telegraph, specializing in topics such as sexual politics, dating and technology. Her first book, Bound to You, was published in 2012.

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