What is the main message of Advice Not Given?

The main message of Advice Not Given is to explore the power of mindfulness and psychotherapy in personal growth.

Who is the author of Advice Not Given?

The author of Advice Not Given is Mark Epstein.

Mindfulness & Happiness

Advice Not Given Book Summary - Advice Not Given Book explained in key points

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Advice Not Given summary

Name: Advice Not Given
Rating: 4.2 (91 reviews)
Author: Mark Epstein

Mark Epstein

A Guide to Getting Over Yourself

4.2 (91 ratings)

21 mins

Brief summary

Advice Not Given by Mark Epstein explores the similarities between psychotherapy and meditation, offering a new perspective on how the two can work together to create a more fulfilling life. Epstein encourages readers to look inward and embrace the present moment.

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Meditation

Table of Contents

Advice Not Given
Summary of 8 key ideas

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Key idea 1 of 8

What’s in it for me? Learn the benefits of meditation from an experienced psychotherapist.

Life comes with its fair share of stress and anxiety, from money and career worries to relationships and a constant barrage of distractions through which to navigate. So it’s no wonder that many people seek the solace of psychotherapy to help sort through it all and see things more clearly.

The author, Mark Epstein, is a trained and licensed psychotherapist, so he’s quite familiar with the stress points of modern life. But what makes Epstein a bit different is that he’s also a practitioner of meditation and can vouch that the practice can help you in many of the same ways as psychotherapy.

So, not only can meditation help you be more present and less distracted but it can also help you sort through your obsessive thoughts and gain insight into your behaviors and relationship issues – like regular visits to a shrink. But the one big difference is that meditation is free!

In these blinks, you’ll learn

why it’s important not to overdo mindfulness;
how meditation can help you break free from obsessive thoughts; and
how meditation helped a woman see her past more clearly.

Meditation is about living in the present, and sound meditation is a good place to start.

If people have a problem with meditation, it’s likely due to the bad practice of trying to meditate with a strict goal in mind such as becoming a happier or more relaxed person. This is the wrong approach since being goal-oriented is a way of fixating on the future, and meditation is all about bringing yourself into the present.

However, being present is easier said than done. For most of us, it’s downright difficult to simply sit quietly and not obsess over past regrets or future worries.

If you were to stop what you’re doing right now and try to sit calmly in the present moment, it could very well be a matter of seconds before you’re caught up in all the tasks that need to be done by the end of the week. Or instead, you might return to some negative feelings you have around a previous encounter where someone’s feelings were hurt.

Unfortunately, this is how the brain commonly operates: it puts you into an imaginary world full of obsessive thoughts where you worry about the future and replay past conflicts – all of which prevents you from living the present moment.

There are two primary reasons why the brain prefers to stay away from the present.

The first is that it’s new and unpredictable. Our various senses are picking up new stimuli every moment, which means our sensations are constantly changing from one moment to the next.

Second, when there’s something unpleasant, the brain returns to old, familiar thoughts. So, rather than deal with the scary, new, unpredictable present, it retreats to the reliable mental terrain of common anxieties.

However, with practice, you can get the brain used to living in the present. This is worth doing because it has many benefits, including less stress and a healthier immune system.

To help your mind get used to the present, start with sound meditation.

You can do this by finding a peaceful and comfortable place to sit and close your eyes. Then, focus on the sounds that are all around you. As you’re doing this, make a mental note of the sensation itself without judgment or creating a scenario in your mind. For example, just think, that’s the loud sound of a baby crying. Or, that’s a soft sound of wind blowing. Let the sounds be sounds, and let them pass freely without interpretation.

Meditation isn’t a strategy for avoiding life; it’s a way of living life more fully.

When given a choice of activities to do with your free time, you might not think meditation sounds all that exciting. However, while it may not have the same reputation as mountain climbing or windsurfing, meditation is a way to live your life to the fullest.

Still, the practice of meditation is misunderstood by many, who picture sitting with their eyes closed and avoiding life’s problems, which couldn’t be further from its true purpose.

Mindfulness is a useful form of meditation, but it’s best not to overdo it.

These days, people all over the world are meditating, and the practice of mindfulness has become something of a fad, with public endorsements from celebrities like Emma Watson.

So, is there a difference between meditation and mindfulness? There is! You should think of mindfulness as one form of meditation, and one that is best used in moderation.

Concentration meditation can help you live a less stressful life.

You don’t have to think of meditation as some spiritual, esoteric endeavor. Instead, you can think of it strictly as a concentration exercise.

With that in mind, try the following technique, known as a concentration meditation:

Meditation shares similarities to psychotherapy and is helpful in recognizing negative thoughts.

Meditation and psychotherapy aren’t traditionally thought of as similar practices, but they actually have a lot in common.

For starters, they both take the power of your thoughts very seriously.

Meditation is helpful in shifting your focus and dealing with obsessive thoughts.

Along with the misunderstanding that meditation is about avoiding problems, there’s also the erroneous idea that meditation teaches you to simply let go of any unwanted thought that enters your head.

The truth is, meditation provides you with some very practical tools to cope with life and its anxieties.

Meditation provides a calm space to see the real motivations behind relationship conflicts.

If you’ve been in an argument with a loved one, you know how it can feel like a matter of life and death when you’re in the middle of it. But if you were to reflect on these arguments later on, you would probably see that many were blown out of proportion, with no real reason for such heated emotions.

Take Kate, for example, another of Epstein’s clients who worked at an architectural firm and was in a relationship with a man who had retired early.

Meditation can allow you to break free of long-held misconceptions.

Along with misplacing our anger toward a loved one, we also often have a tendency to think that someone is angry with us when they’re just in a bad mood or not thinking about us at all. And what’s really sad is that these misunderstandings can last for years.

Thankfully, this is another issue that can be alleviated through meditation as it allows you to recognize when you’ve built up a story in your head that has little bearing on reality – such as the feeling that you’ve done something wrong when you haven’t. Since practicing meditation gives you the room to observe your thoughts more objectively, you can start to recognize when things don’t add up. This is also a benefit of making meditation a regular practice since the repetition is often key to allowing you to gradually begin to doubt a feeling that you’ve held for a great deal of time.

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What is Advice Not Given about?

Advice Not Given (2018) provides a fresh perspective on the practice of meditation from author Mark Epstein, an experienced psychiatrist who can attest to its therapeutic benefits. Epstein provides newcomers with a practical approach to meditation as he dispels the common misconceptions about the practice while offering clinical examples of how helpful it can be to our mental health.

Advice Not Given Review

Advice Not Given (2018) by Mark Epstein explores the wisdom of the ancient practice of Buddhism and its practical applications in modern life. Here's why this book is worth reading:

Epstein presents a unique perspective by combining his expertise as a psychotherapist with Buddhist teachings, offering readers a fresh approach to self-understanding and personal growth.
The book challenges conventional thinking, encouraging readers to let go of their fixed beliefs and embrace a more open-minded and accepting mindset.
Epstein's real-life stories and personal experiences make the book relatable and engaging, ensuring readers are captivated throughout the journey of self-discovery.

Best quote from Advice Not Given

It can be tempting to use meditation to resist change rather than opening oneself to the ceaseless flow we are made of.

—Mark Epstein

Who should read Advice Not Given?

Meditation newcomers
Students of mental health
Anyone interested in Buddhism

About the Author

Mark Epstein is a New York City psychiatrist whose experiences have provided him with a unique interest in the connections between psychotherapy and Buddhist meditation practices. He has written several books exploring this connection, including The Trauma of Everyday Life (2013).

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Mindfulness & Happiness Religion & Spirituality Psychology

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