The Four Tendencies Book Summary - The Four Tendencies Book explained in key points

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The Four Tendencies summary

Name: The Four Tendencies
Rating: 4.4 (233 reviews)
Author: Gretchen Rubin

Gretchen Rubin

The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People’s Lives Better, Too)

4.4 (233 ratings)

22 mins

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Simplify Podcast Personality Effectiveness

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The Four Tendencies
Summary of 10 key ideas

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Key idea 1 of 10

What’s in it for me? See how the Four Tendencies are reflected in the people around you.

How do you respond to expectations? While this might seem like a straightforward question, we can gain tremendous knowledge if we venture to explore it in greater depth. In fact, this question can be rewarding not only in terms of the self-insight it can offer, but also by deepening our understanding of other people.

In these blinks, you’ll discover that the way people respond to expectations, both their own and those posed by others, fits into Four Tendencies: Upholders, Questioners, Obligers and Rebels. You’ll learn what exactly it means to fit into each of these categories and how better understanding our own tendency can help us improve our productivity, and how we relate to others.

These blinks aren’t about pigeonholing people into limiting categories, rather it’s about providing the insight that allows us to reach our full potential.

You’ll also learn

which tendency is most likely to be a snitch;
why you shouldn’t let a Questioner choose your washing machine; and
what can be the only way to make an Obliger exercise.

The Four Tendencies tell us about our nature and how we respond to expectations.

One day, the author Gretchen Rubin was chatting with a friend over lunch and the conversation turned to exercise. Her friend was reflecting on the fact that when she was on the track and field team at school, she had no trouble finding the time to run, but now, forget about it!

“Not having the time” is a common excuse for why we can’t get something done, but if you really want to get to the bottom of why some tasks are so hard to accomplish, you need to understand The Four Tendencies.

The Four Tendencies are all about how we respond to the two kinds of expectations we face every day: the outer expectations that come from work and society, and the inner expectations we set for ourselves.

The first of the Four Tendencies are Upholders. These are people who excel at meeting both inner and outer expectations.

The second is Questioners, who are people who meet inner expectations but question and struggle with outer expectations.

The third is Obligers, people who deal well with outside expectations but struggle with their own.

And the fourth is the Rebels, who push against both inner and outer expectations.

In the case of Rubin’s friend, who excelled at running when she had a coach and a team, but doesn’t find the time on her own, this is a typical scenario for an Obliger, someone who needs outside accountability.

As we’ll see in the blinks ahead, none of these categories are inherently bad or meant to make you feel boxed in or doomed to lifelong problems. They’re meant as tools for gaining insight into your nature, and the nature of those you work and live with, so that you can be a more confident and productive individual.

Upholders are reliable people who take care of themselves, but they do face challenges.

First of all, you should know that the author, Gretchen Rubin, slots right into the Upholder category, so she might be a little biased toward this one!

At first glance, Upholders can appear to be an ideal category since they are generally very reliable and productive people. Since they respond well to both the expectations placed on them by other people and the expectations they place on themselves, they get their work done efficiently and make time for themselves.

Upholders should receive clear instructions, and their frustrations are best met with understanding.

Upholders often have easy interactions with doctors and managers, since they’ll readily take orders and aim to please.

If you’re trying to manage an Upholder, the best piece of advice is to make sure you give clear and precise instructions. Once they have a clear understanding of the priorities and what’s expected of them, Upholders can then be left to take care of business. They’re generally self-starters, so they don’t require a lot of micromanagement.

Questioners are resistant to meeting the needs of others, and their nature can be both a benefit and a hindrance.

“I’m willing to help out, but you have to convince me why it’s worth my time.” Does this sound familiar? It’s a typical attitude of the second of the Four Tendencies, the Questioner.

Questioners do a fine job of setting and meeting their own expectations, but they resist the expectations of others and feel a strong desire to question everything.

Questioners need clear justification, they don’t like being questioned and should avoid certain complicated jobs.

Have you ever been driven nuts by a kid who constantly follows up every answer with, “but why?” Then you already have some experience in dealing with a Questioner.

The key to dealing with a Questioner is to be precise with your reasoning and justification when you want to give them a task.

Obligers struggle to meet their own expectations, but this can be solved by manufacturing outside accountability.

Do you know someone who always puts others ahead of themselves? Someone who has no problem working overtime to help his boss but feels uncomfortable asking for any time off?

These are the signs of an Obliger, a person who excels at meeting outside expectations but struggles with meeting inner expectations.

Obligers may be the toughest category to be in, so they may get the most out of understanding the Four Tendencies.

If the last blink sounded very familiar to you, you may also be familiar with people telling you that you simply need to be “more selfish.” You may also feel a sense of shame at needing to come up with these outside sources of accountability in order to take care of yourself.

Indeed, the Obliger category may be the most difficult of the Four Tendencies.

Rebels resist meeting any expectations or being bossed around.

Last but not least is the fourth tendency: the Rebel, whose motto could be “You can’t make me, and neither can I.” Because not only does the Rebel resist meeting outside expectations, they resist their own expectations as well.

Rebels are all about individuality, and they want everything they do to be a reflection of their unique self. As such, anything that could be considered an expectation gets rejected.

Rebels can frustrate themselves, but there are ways they can meet their own expectations.

Just like Obligers, Rebels can have trouble taking care of themselves and meeting their inner expectations. While it might be for different reasons, such as not wanting to be a conformist, the result can be the same.

Even if a Rebel wants to exercise and eat a healthy diet, they can be frustrated with their inability to stick to routines and do what’s good for them.

Whatever tendency you may be, knowing more about yourself can help you succeed in work and life.

You may think that the only job for an Upholder would be one that enforces rules, since they’re so eager to meet expectations, but this is a shortsighted look at what the tendencies tell us.

It’s true that our tendency can help us better understand our strengths and weaknesses, but you shouldn’t see these categories as limiting anyone to certain roles.

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What is The Four Tendencies about?

The Four Tendencies (2017) reveals the four personality types that dictate how people react to the expectations in their daily lives. Expanding on the first chapter to her book on habit Better Than Before, Rubin provides insight and advice to help you understand your own tendencies, as well as those of the people you live and work with.

Best quote from The Four Tendencies

You can find out which of the Four Tendencies you belong to by taking the test at happiercast.com/quiz

—Gretchen Rubin

Who should read The Four Tendencies?

Parents and teachers who want to have better communication skills
Managers and supervisors hoping to improve employee relations
Anyone who wants to live a more productive, happier life

About the Author

Gretchen Rubin is an influential writer whose books have sold millions of copies around the world. Her writing strives to examine human nature in a way that can help anyone understand themselves better and therefore live a happier life. Her best-selling books include The Happiness Project and Better Than Before.

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