Who is the author of Big Feelings?

Mollie West Duffy and Liz Fosslien are the authors of Big Feelings.

Psychology

Big Feelings Book Summary - Big Feelings Book explained in key points

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Big Feelings summary

Name: Big Feelings
Rating: 4.2 (342 reviews)
Author: Mollie West Duffy and Liz Fosslien

Mollie West Duffy and Liz Fosslien

How to be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

4.2 (342 ratings)

25 mins

Brief summary

Big Feelings by Mollie West Duffy and Liz Fosslien is a guide to understanding our emotions in the workplace. It provides practical advice for managing big emotions, fostering empathy, and creating a positive work environment.

Topics

Self-Care Self-Help Emotional Intelligence Social Psychology Mental Health

Table of Contents

Big Feelings
Summary of 7 key ideas

Audio & text in the Blinkist app

Key idea 1 of 7

What’s in it for me? Learn how not to be overwhelmed by the weight of how you feel.

Let's imagine you’re walking through a crowd of people. What do you see? Ponytails, bushy eyebrows, freckles, nose piercings, baseball caps, long earlobes, someone chewing gum, thick-rimmed glasses . . .

What you don’t see is the enormous weight of feelings that each of those people is carrying with them. Uncertainty. Envy. Anger. Burnout. Even, in some cases, despair.

We all feel these things – and for some people, since the pandemic, we feel them more than ever. And it's the biggest feelings of all that can be the toughest to talk about.

In this Blink, we’ll go over the book Big Feelings by Mollie West Duffy and Liz Fosslien. You’ll learn how to acknowledge those feelings to yourself and the world around you – so you can move forward. This isn’t going to solve all your problems. But it might be the best way to start tackling them.

In this Blink, you’ll learn

why you feel more stressed, the less you know;
how envy can become a positive; and
what to do with your righteous anger.

Uncertainty

One day, Liz, the coauthor, got a headache. A really bad one. It was so bad that she could barely walk, and before she knew it she found herself in the hospital.

It wasn’t a tumor – great. It wasn’t an aneurysm either. But . . . what was it?

While they searched for a solution, a variety of doctors gave Liz a slew of treatments. Botox to the head. Steroids for her eye muscles. And antiepileptic drugs, which first gave her a crippling panic attack on the Chicago L train, and then, when she quit cold turkey, landed her back in the hospital.

But the worst thing of all? The uncertainty of not knowing what was wrong with her. It’s always the uncertainty. Uncertainty sucks.

Scientific studies back that up. How would you feel if you were told you had a 50 percent chance of receiving a mild electric shock? You’d be anxious, right?

But how would you feel if you were told the probability was 90 percent?

A group of scientists actually did that, and guess what: people felt more stressed – three times as stressed – if they had a 50 percent chance of receiving the shock.

Because when it was 90 percent likely that they’d be shocked, at least they knew it was coming. That’s how much people hate uncertainty.

So what do you do when you’re faced with it?

Rule 1: don’t avoid the problem – sit with it. It’s all too common to push uncertainty away by busying yourself with other tasks. Don’t do it. Let it in. Face it head-on. Try counting to 90. Chances are the panicky feeling will have subsided.

Then, get specific. Ask yourself: What are you really anxious about? Literally, what do you think might happen? And how would each possible scenario play out?

Now, of course, when you do that, don’t start catastrophizing. Remember that the worst-case scenario isn’t certain to happen – far from it. Be sure to plot out the best-case scenario, too.

But acknowledging exactly what you’re really worried about will put you well on the path to dealing with uncertainty in the healthiest way you can.

When you’re plotting out your scenarios, you’ll realize there are some things you can control and some things you can’t. As the famous saying goes, what you need is the wisdom to know the difference between them. Do your best in what you can control, and accept what you can’t.

Oh, and what happened to Liz, by the way? She learned to live with her migraines and took all the steps she could to tackle the pain without causing herself further harm. It’s far from perfect – but she’s learned to deal with it. And her uncertainty has turned into acceptance.

Comparison

Mollie, the other author, used to talk to Vanessa regularly. They’d been close since high school and their friendship had survived its share of ups and downs as their lives had progressed along similar, successful paths. They both wrote a book. They both got married.

But only Vanessa got pregnant. And suddenly Mollie couldn’t bear to talk to her.

Anger

So, comparison: not all bad, as far as big feelings go. And the same goes for our next big feeling, too: anger.

A friend of the authors, Griffin, was on a foreign trip with the multinational company he worked for. He and the team were on their way out to lunch one day when a senior team member shoved his hand under Griffin’s shirt and started feeling his chest, chanting the word “Gay!”

Burnout

Mollie used to work as a consultant for a global innovation firm. She did this while also writing her first book with Liz. It was a hectic lifestyle and it required a lot of traveling.

It’s a moment she’ll never forget – the moment the burnout phase began. She was flying home to Seattle for Christmas, having already been in New York City, Montreal, Shanghai, and DC. She was in first class because she had the miles.

Perfectionism

Liz’s favorite pair of pajamas was a long pair of men’s pants with a hole in them. Her favorite evening snack was a bowl of popcorn soaked in soy sauce. Sometimes, Liz liked to get up in the middle of the night and pace around frantically, just to tire herself out. Oh, and her apartment was a mess.

All that was fine – it was just who she was. But when she got food poisoning, her boyfriend sweetly offered to come round and make some soup for her. Then she panicked. She couldn’t bear to let him see the state of her apartment! She panicked so much that she threw up.

Despair

Let’s start this chapter with a trigger warning – it mentions suicide, so if you’d rather not read about that, skip to the next one.

Mollie was 32, and her first book had just come out. She was happily married and had no history of depression. But something changed, suddenly.

Regret

When she was a kid, Liz spent every summer with her grandmother in Germany. Liz cherishes those memories – of her grandmother’s dated floral wallpaper in the hallways and her big cozy armchairs in the living room, all in a strange and enthralling foreign land.

But when her grandmother died, her mother asked Liz to go with her to Germany to clean out the house – and Liz said no. She was busy with work and she was angling for a promotion, so the timing was just off.

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What is Big Feelings about?

Big Feelings (2022) is a guide to coping with some of the toughest emotions we ever face, from anger to despair. By acknowledging and facing up to these emotions, it’s possible to work through them.

Big Feelings Review

Big Feelings (2020) explores the complex world of emotions and offers insights on how to navigate them effectively. Here are three reasons why this book is worth reading:

With its real-life examples and practical tips, it helps readers understand and manage their emotions in a meaningful way.
By addressing topics such as empathy, burnout, and communication, it provides valuable insights for building healthier relationships both at work and in personal life.
The book's humorous and relatable anecdotes create an engaging reading experience, ensuring that it never gets boring.

Who should read Big Feelings?

People feeling overwhelmed by big emotions
Anyone who struggles to open up
Self-help enthusiasts after advice

About the Author

Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy previously cowrote No Hard Feelings, which is about emotions in the workplace. Fosslien also works at Humu and her work and illustrations have been published widely. Duffy is an organizational and leadership development expert who writes on workplace culture.

Categories with Big Feelings

Psychology Personal Development

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