Who is the author of Big Feelings?

Mollie West Duffy and Liz Fosslien are the authors of Big Feelings.

Psychology

Big Feelings Book Summary - Big Feelings Book explained in key points

Listen to the Intro

00:00

Big Feelings summary

Name: Big Feelings
Rating: 4.2 (350 reviews)
Author: Mollie West Duffy and Liz Fosslien

Mollie West Duffy Liz Fosslien

How to be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

4.2 (350 ratings)

25 mins

Brief summary

Big Feelings by Mollie West Duffy and Liz Fosslien is a guide to understanding our emotions in the workplace. It provides practical advice for managing big emotions, fostering empathy, and creating a positive work environment.

Topics

Self-Care Self-Help Emotional Intelligence Social Psychology Mental Health

Table of Contents

Big Feelings
Summary of 7 key ideas

Audio & text in the Blinkist app

Key idea 1 of 7

What’s in it for me? Learn how not to be overwhelmed by the weight of how you feel.

Let's imagine you’re walking through a crowd of people. What do you see? Ponytails, bushy eyebrows, freckles, nose piercings, baseball caps, long earlobes, someone chewing gum, thick-rimmed glasses . . .

What you don’t see is the enormous weight of feelings that each of those people is carrying with them. Uncertainty. Envy. Anger. Burnout. Even, in some cases, despair.

We all feel these things – and for some people, since the pandemic, we feel them more than ever. And it's the biggest feelings of all that can be the toughest to talk about.

In this Blink, we’ll go over the book Big Feelings by Mollie West Duffy and Liz Fosslien. You’ll learn how to acknowledge those feelings to yourself and the world around you – so you can move forward. This isn’t going to solve all your problems. But it might be the best way to start tackling them.

In this Blink, you’ll learn

why you feel more stressed, the less you know;
how envy can become a positive; and
what to do with your righteous anger.

Uncertainty

One day, Liz, the coauthor, got a headache. A really bad one. It was so bad that she could barely walk, and before she knew it she found herself in the hospital.

It wasn’t a tumor – great. It wasn’t an aneurysm either. But . . . what was it?

While they searched for a solution, a variety of doctors gave Liz a slew of treatments. Botox to the head. Steroids for her eye muscles. And antiepileptic drugs, which first gave her a crippling panic attack on the Chicago L train, and then, when she quit cold turkey, landed her back in the hospital.

But the worst thing of all? The uncertainty of not knowing what was wrong with her. It’s always the uncertainty. Uncertainty sucks.

Scientific studies back that up. How would you feel if you were told you had a 50 percent chance of receiving a mild electric shock? You’d be anxious, right?

But how would you feel if you were told the probability was 90 percent?

A group of scientists actually did that, and guess what: people felt more stressed – three times as stressed – if they had a 50 percent chance of receiving the shock.

Because when it was 90 percent likely that they’d be shocked, at least they knew it was coming. That’s how much people hate uncertainty.

So what do you do when you’re faced with it?

Rule 1: don’t avoid the problem – sit with it. It’s all too common to push uncertainty away by busying yourself with other tasks. Don’t do it. Let it in. Face it head-on. Try counting to 90. Chances are the panicky feeling will have subsided.

Then, get specific. Ask yourself: What are you really anxious about? Literally, what do you think might happen? And how would each possible scenario play out?

Now, of course, when you do that, don’t start catastrophizing. Remember that the worst-case scenario isn’t certain to happen – far from it. Be sure to plot out the best-case scenario, too.

But acknowledging exactly what you’re really worried about will put you well on the path to dealing with uncertainty in the healthiest way you can.

When you’re plotting out your scenarios, you’ll realize there are some things you can control and some things you can’t. As the famous saying goes, what you need is the wisdom to know the difference between them. Do your best in what you can control, and accept what you can’t.

Oh, and what happened to Liz, by the way? She learned to live with her migraines and took all the steps she could to tackle the pain without causing herself further harm. It’s far from perfect – but she’s learned to deal with it. And her uncertainty has turned into acceptance.

Comparison

Mollie, the other author, used to talk to Vanessa regularly. They’d been close since high school and their friendship had survived its share of ups and downs as their lives had progressed along similar, successful paths. They both wrote a book. They both got married.

But only Vanessa got pregnant. And suddenly Mollie couldn’t bear to talk to her.

Anger

So, comparison: not all bad, as far as big feelings go. And the same goes for our next big feeling, too: anger.

A friend of the authors, Griffin, was on a foreign trip with the multinational company he worked for. He and the team were on their way out to lunch one day when a senior team member shoved his hand under Griffin’s shirt and started feeling his chest, chanting the word “Gay!”

Burnout

Mollie used to work as a consultant for a global innovation firm. She did this while also writing her first book with Liz. It was a hectic lifestyle and it required a lot of traveling.

It’s a moment she’ll never forget – the moment the burnout phase began. She was flying home to Seattle for Christmas, having already been in New York City, Montreal, Shanghai, and DC. She was in first class because she had the miles.

Perfectionism

Liz’s favorite pair of pajamas was a long pair of men’s pants with a hole in them. Her favorite evening snack was a bowl of popcorn soaked in soy sauce. Sometimes, Liz liked to get up in the middle of the night and pace around frantically, just to tire herself out. Oh, and her apartment was a mess.

All that was fine – it was just who she was. But when she got food poisoning, her boyfriend sweetly offered to come round and make some soup for her. Then she panicked. She couldn’t bear to let him see the state of her apartment! She panicked so much that she threw up.

Despair

Let’s start this chapter with a trigger warning – it mentions suicide, so if you’d rather not read about that, skip to the next one.

Mollie was 32, and her first book had just come out. She was happily married and had no history of depression. But something changed, suddenly.

Regret

When she was a kid, Liz spent every summer with her grandmother in Germany. Liz cherishes those memories – of her grandmother’s dated floral wallpaper in the hallways and her big cozy armchairs in the living room, all in a strange and enthralling foreign land.

But when her grandmother died, her mother asked Liz to go with her to Germany to clean out the house – and Liz said no. She was busy with work and she was angling for a promotion, so the timing was just off.

Want to see all full key ideas from Big Feelings?

Key ideas in Big Feelings

More knowledge in less time

Read or listen

Get the key ideas from nonfiction bestsellers in minutes, not hours.

Find your next read

Get book lists curated by experts and personalized recommendations.

Shortcasts ^New

We’ve teamed up with podcast creators to bring you key insights from podcasts.

What is Big Feelings about?

Big Feelings (2022) is a guide to coping with some of the toughest emotions we ever face, from anger to despair. By acknowledging and facing up to these emotions, it’s possible to work through them.

Big Feelings Review

Big Feelings (2020) explores the complex world of emotions and offers insights on how to navigate them effectively. Here are three reasons why this book is worth reading:

With its real-life examples and practical tips, it helps readers understand and manage their emotions in a meaningful way.
By addressing topics such as empathy, burnout, and communication, it provides valuable insights for building healthier relationships both at work and in personal life.
The book's humorous and relatable anecdotes create an engaging reading experience, ensuring that it never gets boring.

Who should read Big Feelings?

People feeling overwhelmed by big emotions
Anyone who struggles to open up
Self-help enthusiasts after advice

About the Author

Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy previously cowrote No Hard Feelings, which is about emotions in the workplace. Fosslien also works at Humu and her work and illustrations have been published widely. Duffy is an organizational and leadership development expert who writes on workplace culture.

Categories with Big Feelings

Psychology Personal Development

Book summaries like Big Feelings

The Journey Beyond Fear

John Hagel III

Leverage the Three Pillars of Positivity to Build Your Success

How Feelings Shape Our Thinking

Lose Regret, Choose Fulfillment

The Surprising Science of Human Goodness

Face Not-Good-Enough to Replace Your Doubts, Achieve Your Goals, and Unlock Your Success

What We Should Know about the People We Don’t Know

The Art of Winning in an Age of Uncertainty

Sharpen Your Message and Make Your Words Matter

Managing Your Emotions - So They Don't Manage You

22 min

4.2

Born to Win

Zig Ziglar with Tom Ziglar

The Revolutionary Method to Work Smarter and Live Better

How a Forgotten Philosophy Can Liberate Kids and Their Parents

Own Your Morning. Elevate Your Life.

22 min

4.5

The Procrastination Cure

Damon Zahariades

21 Proven Tactics for Conquering Your Inner Procrastinator, Mastering Your Time, and Boosting Your Productivity!

Rethinking Positive Thinking

Gabriele Oettingen

Inside the New Science of Motivation

Little Things That Can Change Your Life… And Maybe The World

11 min

4.0

Thinking, Fast and Slow

Daniel Kahneman

Intuition or deliberation? Where you can (and can't) trust your brain

28 min

4.4

7 Strategies for Wealth and Happiness

Jim Rohn

Power Ideas from America's Foremost Business Philosopher

Improve your life by only focusing on the essentials

An Essential Guide to Life

21 min

4.1

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up

Marie Kondo

The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing

14 min

4.2

The Origin of Everyday Moods

Robert E. Thayer

Managing Energy, Tension, and Stress

How Looking Backward Moves us Forward

23 min

4.6

The Hidden Power of the Five Hearts

Kimberly Snyder

Empower Your Thoughts, Balance Your Emotions, and Unlock Vibrant Health and Abundance

19 min

4.1

The First Rule of Mastery

Michael Gervais

Stop Worrying about What People Think of You

Planning a Career Break After Kids – And Coming Back Stronger

17 min

3.9

The Language of Emotions

Karla McLaren

What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You

Why We Ignore the Obvious at Our Peril

15 min

4.4

What I Talk About When I Talk About Running

Haruki Murakami

A memoir about running and writing

24 min

4.3

The Body Keeps the Score

Bessel van der Kolk

Mind, Brain and the Body in the Transformation of Trauma

The Science of Self-Awareness

19 min

4.4

The Power of Not Thinking

Simon Roberts

How Our Bodies Learn and Why We Should Trust Them

A Short History of a Small Island That Will Dictate Our Future

The Surprising Solution to Overthinking

20 min

4.3

When Making Others Happy Is Making You Miserable

Karen Ehman

How to Break the Pattern of People-Pleasing and Confidently Live Your Life

21 min

How to Be a People Magnet

Leil Lowndes

Finding Friends – and Lovers – and Keeping Them for Life

A Painfully Honest Field Guide to the Startup World

21 min

4.2

Change Your Brain, Change Your Life

Dr. Daniel G. Amen

The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Anxiety, Depression, Obsessiveness, Anger, and Impulsiveness

How To Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life

Discovering Value and Creating Growth in a Disrupted World

How to Start Conversations that Get Results

15 min

4.1

Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself

Joe Dispenza

How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One

How to Pivot Toward What Matters

17 min

4.4

On the Origin of Species

Charles Darwin

By Means of Natural Selection, or the Preservation of Favoured Races in the Struggle for Life

How Attention Became the World's Most Endangered Resource

26 min

4.0

Yoga for Better Sleep

Mark Stephens

Ancient Wisdom Meets Modern Science

15 min

The Power of Discord

Ed Tronick

How Conflict and Repair Build Intimacy, Resilience, and Trust

The Surprising Science of Belief, Opinion, and Persuasion

21 min

4.6

People ❤️ Blinkist

Sven O.

It's highly addictive to get core insights on personally relevant topics without repetition or triviality. Added to that the apps ability to suggest kindred interests opens up a foundation of knowledge.

Thi Viet Quynh N.

Great app. Good selection of book summaries you can read or listen to while commuting. Instead of scrolling through your social media news feed, this is a much better way to spend your spare time in my opinion.

Jonathan A.

Life changing. The concept of being able to grasp a book's main point in such a short time truly opens multiple opportunities to grow every area of your life at a faster rate.

Renee D.

Great app. Addicting. Perfect for wait times, morning coffee, evening before bed. Extremely well written, thorough, easy to use.