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Blink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
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Not Nice summary
Aziz Gazipura
Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, and Feeling Guilty... . and Start Speaking Up, Saying No, and Unapologetically Being Yourself
19 mins
Brief summary
Not Nice by Aziz Gazipura is a self-improvement book that helps us overcome the fear of rejection and build healthy boundaries. It offers practical advice on how to be assertive and authentic while still being kind and respectful towards others.
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Not Nice
Summary of 7 key ideas
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Key idea 1 of 7
Breaking free from the trap of niceness
Are you a nice person? If someone told you to be nice at a social event, what would that mean to you? Most likely, you’d smile, nod, avoid confrontation, and try to blend in. Niceness, in this context, is about managing others’ perceptions – ensuring everyone around you feels comfortable, and avoiding any form of disagreement or disapproval.
At its core, being nice is about maintaining harmony by keeping a low profile, avoiding conflict, and suppressing your true thoughts. It’s driven by the belief that if you please others, avoid ruffling feathers, and make everything smooth, people will like you and give you what you want – whether that’s friendship, promotions, or approval. However, this approach is flawed. Striving to be nice doesn’t lead to genuine connection or success; instead, it results in self-monitoring, anxiety, and frustration.
Niceness revolves around seeking approval, causing you to constantly scan for signs that someone might be unhappy with you. You end up performing for others, worrying about whether your actions or words are “good enough,” all while suppressing your real opinions, feelings, and needs. This behavior is exhausting and unsustainable. It also prevents you from being authentic, and can even repel the very approval you’re seeking.
The opposite of nice isn’t being rude or disrespectful – it’s being real. It’s about being direct, honest, and willing to express your true thoughts, even when it might create discomfort. Authenticity allows you to show who you really are, paving the way for deeper connections, more meaningful relationships, and personal freedom.
By letting go of the need to be nice, you free yourself from the constant pressure of pleasing others. You gain the power to make choices based on your values and desires, without the fear of disapproval. This shift is the first step toward breaking the cycle of people-pleasing and starting to live with confidence. Next, we’ll explore how the need for approval drives this cycle, and what you can start doing about it.
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What is Not Nice about?
Not Nice (2017) is about overcoming the ingrained habit of being overly accommodating and avoiding conflict in order to please others. It helps the reader break free from people-pleasing, guilt, and fear of rejection, encouraging people to set boundaries, speak up, and assert themselves with confidence. Through practical strategies and insights, it empowers individuals to stop sacrificing their needs and start living more authentically.
Not Nice Review
Not Nice (2017) by Aziz Gazipura offers a refreshing perspective on the art of assertiveness and effective communication. Here's why you should give this book a chance:
- This book provides practical strategies that can help you break free from the need to please others and start prioritizing your own needs and desires.
- Gazipura uses real-life examples and relatable stories to demonstrate the power of setting boundaries and speaking up for yourself in a respectful and confident manner.
- The book emphasizes the importance of self-respect and self-care, providing insightful advice on how to navigate difficult relationships and build healthier connections.
Who should read Not Nice?
- Chronic people-pleasers struggling with over-accommodation and self-sacrifice
- Professionals aiming to develop stronger assertiveness and leadership skills
- Anyone interested in boosting self-confidence and authenticity
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Not Nice FAQs
What is the main message of Not Nice?
The main message of Not Nice is that being kind and assertive can lead to happier and healthier relationships.
How long does it take to read Not Nice?
The reading time for Not Nice varies depending on the reader's speed, but it typically takes several hours. However, the Blinkist summary can be read in just 15 minutes.
Is Not Nice a good book? Is it worth reading?
Not Nice is a valuable read for anyone looking to improve their communication skills. It offers practical strategies and insights to help you navigate difficult social situations.
Who is the author of Not Nice?
The author of Not Nice is Aziz Gazipura.
What to read after Not Nice?
If you're wondering what to read next after Not Nice, here are some recommendations we suggest:
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- Liminal Thinking by Dave Gray
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- Why is Sex Fun? by Jared Diamond
- The PLAN by Kendra Adachi
- Say What They Can't Unhear by Tamsen Webster
- The Art of Witty Banter by Patrick King
- The Anatomy of Anxiety by Ellen Vora