Powerful ideas from top nonfiction
Try Blinkist to get the key ideas from 7,500+ bestselling nonfiction titles and podcasts. Listen or read in just 15 minutes.
Get started
Blink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
Listen to the Intro
Sexual Intelligence summary
Marty Klein
What We Really Want from Sex - and How to Get It
16 mins
Brief summary
Sexual Intelligence by Marty Klein is a thought-provoking book that challenges conventional beliefs about sex. It offers practical advice and strategies for enhancing sexual intimacy and navigating the complexities of modern sexuality.
Table of Contents
Sexual Intelligence
Summary of 5 key ideas
Audio & text in the Blinkist app
Key idea 1 of 5
Normality is overrated when it comes to sex
Lots of us worry about whether our sex lives are normal. We ask therapists questions like, “Is once a month enough?” or “Is it weird that I like this?” Often, these questions are about reassurance. But underneath them is a deeper anxiety: the fear of not measuring up. The truth is, ideas about what’s normal – how often, how long, how intense – create more pressure than they solve. And they’re based on statistics that don’t actually reflect anyone’s unique experience.
Trying to match some imagined sexual average distracts from what’s actually important. Sex isn’t a math problem – what matters is how it feels. People often worry about how many times they’ve had sex or whether they’re turned on by the “right” things. But numbers don’t reveal whether you feel safe, free, and present during intimacy. They can’t tell you if you’re able to express what you like, or if you feel close to your partner when you’re together.
Focusing on performance or comparison blocks connection. And when people feel disconnected, they often double down on trying to fix their sex lives – through tips, techniques, or routines. But most traditional advice doesn’t get to the heart of the issue. It tells you how to act more “normal,” not how to understand yourself better. It rarely asks what kind of sex you actually like, or what builds trust, or how to talk honestly about needs and limits.
This is where a new approach helps: one that focuses on sexual intelligence. That means paying attention to your inner world – your emotions, your desires, your blocks – and sharing those with your partner. It means shifting from “What should I be doing?” to “What actually feels right for me?” It means being less concerned with what turns most people on, and more curious about what turns you on – and what helps you feel safe enough to let go.
This way of thinking invites honesty, presence, and acceptance. It takes the pressure off. You don’t have to live up to anyone else’s idea of sex – not your friends’, not your partner’s, not society’s. You just have to be real with yourself, and with the person you’re with.
So, instead of chasing normal, chase authenticity. Let go of the numbers. Stop worrying about what everyone else is doing. Start asking what brings you closer to yourself, and what helps you feel close to someone else. That’s where satisfying, anxiety-free sex lives – and real intimacy – actually begin.
Want to see all full key ideas from Sexual Intelligence?
Key ideas in Sexual Intelligence
More knowledge in less time
Read or listen
Get the key ideas from nonfiction bestsellers in minutes, not hours.
Find your next read
Get book lists curated by experts and personalized recommendations.
Shortcasts New
We’ve teamed up with podcast creators to bring you key insights from podcasts.
What is Sexual Intelligence about?
Sexual Intelligence (2013) explores how beliefs, emotional awareness, and self-acceptance shape sexual satisfaction far more than physical appearance or technical skill. It challenges the idea that sex should follow a scripted formula or aim for performance-based success. Drawing on decades of real-life experience, it encourages us to embrace our own definitions of pleasure and build intimacy through authenticity, curiosity, and connection.
Sexual Intelligence Review
Sexual Intelligence (2012) by Marty Klein is an eye-opening exploration of sexuality, relationships, and societal norms that challenges readers to rethink their beliefs. Here's why this book is definitely worth reading:
- It offers practical advice and tools for individuals and couples to enhance their sexual experiences and navigate complex issues.
- Through insightful analysis and case studies, the book sheds light on the influence of culture, religion, and media on our sexual lives.
- With its thought-provoking perspectives and frank discussions, the book aims to inspire a healthier, more open-minded approach to sexuality.
Who should read Sexual Intelligence?
- Anyone seeking a healthier, less anxious sex life
- Couples wanting deeper emotional and sexual connection
- Individuals tired of chasing sexual “normalcy” or perfection
Categories with Sexual Intelligence
Book summaries like Sexual Intelligence
People ❤️ Blinkist
Sven O.
It's highly addictive to get core insights on personally relevant topics without repetition or triviality. Added to that the apps ability to suggest kindred interests opens up a foundation of knowledge.
Thi Viet Quynh N.
Great app. Good selection of book summaries you can read or listen to while commuting. Instead of scrolling through your social media news feed, this is a much better way to spend your spare time in my opinion.
Jonathan A.
Life changing. The concept of being able to grasp a book's main point in such a short time truly opens multiple opportunities to grow every area of your life at a faster rate.
Renee D.
Great app. Addicting. Perfect for wait times, morning coffee, evening before bed. Extremely well written, thorough, easy to use.
People also liked these summaries
4.7 Stars
Average ratings on iOS and Google Play
37 Million
Downloads on all platforms
10+ years
Experience igniting personal growth
Sexual Intelligence FAQs
What is the main message of Sexual Intelligence?
The main message of Sexual Intelligence is to have a healthy and fulfilling sex life by understanding ourselves and our partners better.
How long does it take to read Sexual Intelligence?
Reading time for Sexual Intelligence varies, but it typically takes several hours. The Blinkist summary can be read in just 15 minutes.
Is Sexual Intelligence a good book? Is it worth reading?
Sexual Intelligence is worth reading. It provides valuable insights and practical guidance for improving sexual well-being and enhancing relationships.
Who is the author of Sexual Intelligence?
Marty Klein is the author of Sexual Intelligence.
What to read after Sexual Intelligence?
If you're wondering what to read next after Sexual Intelligence, here are some recommendations we suggest:
- Smart Until It's Dumb by Emmanuel Maggiori
- Either/Or by Soren Kierkegaard
- Love for Imperfect Things by Haemin Sunim
- Mastery by George Leonard
- How to Love Better by Yung Pueblo
- The Stress Paradox by Sharon Horesh Bergquist
- Conflict Resilience by Robert Bordone
- The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene
- Hardcore Self Help by Robert Duff
- Fast. Feast. Repeat. by Gin Stephens