What is the main message of Give and Take?

The main message of Give and Take is the power of helping others and creating a culture of generosity.

Who is the author of Give and Take?

Adam Grant is the author of Give and Take.

Psychology

Give and Take Book Summary - Give and Take Book explained in key points

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Give and Take summary

Name: Give and Take
Rating: 4.4 (351 reviews)
Author: Adam Grant

Adam Grant

A Revolutionary Approach to Success

4.4 (351 ratings)

21 mins

Brief summary

Give and Take by Adam Grant explores how being a giver, rather than a taker or matcher, can lead to success in personal and professional relationships. Using a range of examples, Grant provides insights and practical advice to help readers become more effective givers.

Topics

Manipulation Networking Leadership Success Inspiration

Table of Contents

Give and Take
Summary of 11 key ideas

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Key idea 1 of 11

Takers are self-centered, and focused only on what benefits they can get from others.

We all know people who seem to care only about themselves, completely disregarding the needs of others. These people are takers.Everywhere they go, it seems their primary concern is hogging as much money, status and admiration as possible.

Typically, takers promote themselves eagerly, favoring words like “I” and “mine” rather than “we” and “ours”. They also tend to be domineering, using forceful language to persuade others, while unabashedly flattering powerful people to get ahead.

So why are they so selfish?

They simply see the world as a competitive place. To a taker, life is a ruthless game where you take everything you want, helping others only if the personal benefit of doing so outweighs the cost.

A prime example of a taker is Kenneth Lay, former CEO of the energy giant Enron. Along with taking out colossal loans from the company, Lay sold off $70 million in stocks in a well-timed effort to take care of himself before the company went bankrupt, leaving 20,000 people unemployed.

But the average taker is not necessarily evil or corrupt. A less caustic example is legendary basketball player Michael Jordan. As a player, Jordan spoke out in favor of increasing the share of team revenues given to players, only to argue for the opposite when he became an owner. His philosophy: “To be successful, you have to be selfish.”

Although their underlying motives may differ, all takers hold the same worldview: they believe that there is a limited amount of “pie” for everyone and it is up to them to take the biggest slice for themselves.

Takers are self-centered, and focused only on what benefits they can get from others.

Givers are driven by the desire to help others and create success for the group.

Most of us can recall a time when we were touched by the generosity of another person. Perhaps they gave us advice, offered a job opportunity or helped us with a difficult task, all without expecting anything in return. These people are givers.

The keystone trait of the giver is that in most transactions they give far more than they get. They are generous with their knowledge and time, and they will often forgo personal credit for the good of a common goal. Their main focus is to provide value for others; having their help reciprocated is either irrelevant or a bonus. The way givers see it, helping other people is its own reward as it makes the givers themselves feel good too.

Somewhere in between givers and takers, matchers strive for equal, fair exchanges with others.

“I’ll do something for you if you do something for me.” This is the calling card of matchers: people who endeavor to give as much as they get. Matchers are easily recognizable for their tit-for-tat mentality. They can be seen striking a deal with their kids about mowing the lawn or enlisting the help of a friend who owes them a favor to drive them to the airport. However, contrary to takers or givers, the matcher’s goal in their negotiations is being fair and equitable to all parties, not just one.

To matchers, the world should be a level playing field where people exchange knowledge, skills and resources equally. Matchers are uncomfortable when exchanges are unbalanced, so if they help someone, they expect reciprocation or else they feel disgruntled. This works both ways, however: if a matcher receives a favor, they will feel obliged to promptly return it. This desire for reciprocity also means that if a matcher offers to help someone, there is usually an agenda to “cash in” the favor later, which they believe is entirely justified.

How much we give or take is shaped by who we interact with.

When was the last time you felt influenced by a group to behave in a certain way? Although each one of us has an individual governing style of either giving, taking or matching, we also adapt our behavior to suit specific people and circumstances.

It is part of our nature to conform to what we believe is expected of us in a group situation. For example, takers are usually more generous in public, as they don’t want to appear miserly to others. On the other hand, givers may suppress their generosity at work when they don’t want their kindness to be perceived as a weakness.

Persistent takers lose respect and damage their reputations.

Common knowledge insists that to succeed, you must take what you want. However, historical examples show that when people take excessively, they lose respect. When this happens, their reputations sour, endangering their further chances of success as others no longer wish to interact with them.

Take, for example, the scientist Jonas Salk who, with the help of his research team, other scientists and thousands of health professionals and volunteers, developed the polio vaccine. During an infamous press conference announcing the achievement, Salk failed to thank those who had worked with him, upsetting his team to the point of tears. Eventually, his selfishness backfired: Salk was never inducted into the National Academy of Sciences – though many other polio researchers were – and was never awarded the Nobel Prize. Some claim it was his failure to acknowledge others that contributed to him not being considered for these honors.

Givers often achieve the top positions in society because they focus on the greater good.

Many believe that when it comes to achieving professional success, taking is more effective than giving. This is particularly true in traditionally cutthroat professions like business and politics. Interestingly though, it turns out givers often succeed in such environments, as their interest in helping others benefits them too.

Abraham Lincoln is a perfect example of someone who cared more about giving for the greater good than taking for himself. Before he was president, Lincoln dropped out of a senate race to allow competitor Lyman Trumbull to win. Lincoln relinquished his position because both he and Trumball shared the goal of abolishing slavery and Lincoln believed Trumball had a better chance of winning. Abolishing slavery was more compelling to Lincoln than personal advancement. Later on, Trumball repaid the favor by eventually becoming an advocate for Lincoln when he ran for senate again.

Successful givers cultivate and use their vast networks to benefit others as well as themselves.

Have you ever felt awkward asking a favor of someone you haven’t seen in years? People who give tend not to feel this way. Although they may lose touch with some connections over time, a sense of trust and a willingness to help is maintained. This makes it easy for givers to ask favors for themselves or someone they know, even after long periods of being out of contact.

Adam Rifkin, a perpetual giver and Fortune Magazine’s 2011 best networker, co-founded the 106 Miles network, a twice-monthly gathering where entrepreneurs come together to connect and pool their knowledge. Through this event, Rifkin helps people get jobs, gives them feedback on their business ideas and connects them to others in his vast network.

Givers see potential in everyone they meet, making them formidable at finding and nurturing talent.

When offered an opportunity to mentor someone, many people look for seeds of talent first to see whether it is worth investing their time. Givers, however, differ in this respect: rather than waiting for proof of ability, givers assume potential in everyone and nurture it from the start. Because of this early-stage support, their protégées are often highly successful, and this success is usually reflected back onto the givers.

Renowned NBA basketball manager Stu Inman provides an interesting illustration of a successful giver in the way he chose players for his teams. Although Inman passed up on some basketball legends including Michael Jordan, he found massive success in drafting the previously overlooked Clyde Drexler, who later made the Basketball Hall of Fame, ten All-Star teams and the Olympics. Inman was deeply respected for his ability to find undervalued players and for his dedication to those he helped develop.

Powerless communication puts givers at a powerful advantage.

If someone asked us what kind of communication creates the most success, we would probably say it requires confident, assertive language. But recent studies show that in contrast to raising voices and displaying conviction, we can succeed by communicating in a powerless way.

Powerless communication involves focusing on the other person; for example, by seeking advice and asking questions. Rather than being domineering, which evokes resistance, this softer approach has a remarkably persuasive effect. This technique comes easily to givers, as they are naturally interested in others.

Givers are only successful if they can avoid burnout or being abused by takers.

Many givers flourish thanks to their generosity. Unfortunately, this is not always the case and some end up exhausting themselves trying to please everyone. To avoid such burnout, givers must learn how to stay energized and deal with takers that exploit their generosity.

Surprisingly, recent investigations show that the remedy for burnout lies not in reducing the hours spent helping others but in being able to witness the impact they have.

Final Summary

The key message in this book:

Giving more than you get can result in great individual and group success.

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What is Give and Take about?

Give and Take offers a breath of fresh air to traditional theories of what it takes to be successful. Backed by ground-breaking research, Give and Take demonstrates how giving more to others, rather than competing against them, may be the secret to profound success and fulfillment.

Give and Take Review

Give and Take (2013) is a thought-provoking book that explores the power of giving and taking in professional and personal relationships. Here's why this book is definitely worth reading:

It presents a compelling case with research-backed evidence and real-life examples, showing how a giving mindset can lead to success and fulfillment.
The book offers practical tips and strategies on how to become a more effective giver and navigate different reciprocity styles.
With its engaging storytelling and insightful analysis, it challenges conventional wisdom and keeps readers engaged throughout the book.

Who should read Give and Take?

Anyone who wants to understand how those who give become so successful
Anyone who wants to learn how to influence others without being domineering
Anyone who suffers from burnout by giving too much to others

About the Author

Adam Grant is an award-winning organizational psychologist and a professor at Wharton Business School. He has over 60 journal publications and has presented for many prestigious organizations, such as Google, Facebook and the United Nations.

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Psychology Career & Success

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