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Solving Sexual Problems and Revolutionizing Your Relationship
- Read in 13 minutes
- Audio & text available
- Contains 8 key ideas
Resurrecting Sex (2002) is a guidebook for couples struggling to connect intimately and emotionally due to sexual dysfunction. It offers a holistic approach to addressing these issues – and to exploring the erotic potential of your relationship.
Key idea 1 of 8
A holistic, intimacy-based approach is the key to solving sexual problems.
If you’ve run into sexual difficulties in your relationship, you’re not alone. In fact, sexual problems in otherwise healthy relationships are so common that they’re a sign of normality. But just because it’s normal doesn’t mean you can’t do something about it.
Many of the author’s patients emerged from treatment and went on to have the most intense sex of their lives. And you can revolutionize sex in your relationship, too – if you’re ready to proceed with hope.
Keep in mind that the journey toward resurrecting sex may shatter some of your illusions about relationships. There’s no panacea for sexual dysfunction; it’s as complex as human beings are. To forge a deep sexual union and find true and meaningful peace within your relationship, you must be willing to be vulnerable and put your best foot forward.
The key message here is: A holistic, intimacy-based approach is the key to solving sexual problems.
The author’s approach is different from that of other well-known sex researchers, who tend to target sensation and individual pleasure. Instead, this method focuses on intimacy with your partner, based on a framework the author developed called the Quantum Model.
What makes the Quantum Model different? Well, it investigates the causes of sexual function rather than dysfunction. This may sound simple; in fact, it’s anything but. A myriad of factors compose human sexuality – from health and physical stimulation to desire and love.
Your body has two sexual response thresholds – one trigger point for initial sexual arousal via genital response, and another for orgasm. The three components of total stimulation are: receiving sensory stimulation, your body’s ability to respond, and your subjective emotions about what you’re feeling. If your total stimulation doesn’t reach – or drops below – your arousal or orgasm threshold, sexual dysfunction occurs. This is a totally normal feature of sexual functioning, not a sign that you’re defective.
Many people develop a sex routine that produces just enough total stimulation to bring them to orgasm. But this is a precarious position. If any small change is introduced into the three components of stimulation, you suddenly have sexual dysfunction. Instead, aim to explore your sexual potential and greatly exceed your thresholds. That way, your sexual relationship will be more resilient to minor changes in stimulation.
Our sexual experiences have been greatly affected by their emotional contexts ever since the evolution of the neocortex half a million years ago. That was the point at which humans began to sexually desire specific partners – and when meaning and intimacy became a part of sex.