The Five Core Conversations for Couples Book Summary - The Five Core Conversations for Couples Book explained in key points
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The Five Core Conversations for Couples summary

David Bulitt and Julie Bulitt

Expert Advice about How to Develop: Effective Communication, a Long-Term Financial Plan, Cooperative Parenting Strategies, Mutually Satisfying Sex, and Work-Life Balance

4.3 (310 ratings)
15 mins

Brief summary

The Five Core Conversations for Couples by David Bulitt and Julie Bulitt conveys the vital importance of five key topics in every relationship: money, sex, trust, communication, and vision. It offers practical advice and helpful tips for a healthy and long-lasting partnership.

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    The Five Core Conversations for Couples
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    Core #1: Building and maintaining the connection

    As soon as Sarah and Ron walked into Julie Bulitt's office, she quickly noticed the palpable distance between them. Sarah appeared stiff right next to her husband, and Ron purposely sat down on the farthest chair from his wife. You could just see the stress etched all over their faces. 

    As it turned out, juggling full-time jobs and two kids meant they had no time for each other. In fact, they hadn't spent quality time alone together for more than a year. 

    Julie advised them to schedule an activity they could enjoy as a couple, no kids or chores, just the two of them hanging out. It didn't need to be a daily occurrence, but something they could both look forward to regularly. Sarah and Ron took this advice to heart, and when they returned to Julie's office several weeks later, they were holding hands.

    That’s one of the core pillars of a healthy and successful relationship: connection. You don’t just stop after forging a bond and committing to the relationship. Just like how a home needs tending to stay tidy, a relationship has to be maintained for it to thrive. 

    Unfortunately, more often than not, couples forget to put in the effort once they’re all settled down. They no longer work on themselves and the relationship. Then, when their disconnect begins damaging the relationship, they ignore it and hide behind the excuse that they’re too busy. They know it’s a problem, but they keep putting it on the back burner. They only start caring once it’s too late to repair the mess. 

    To avoid falling into that trap, it's essential to keep in mind that a relationship requires ongoing attention and care. Maintaining a strong connection with your partner is what keeps the relationship alive. 

    And the best thing about it? It can be done in a variety of ways. There’s not just one way to connect with your partner. You can freely explore what works for you both. 

    It can be as special as going on weekly dinner dates or as simple as reading the morning news together without distractions. Even supporting your partner’s interests and doing something with your kid can count as connecting, too. It’s also important to talk about what acts of kindness you want your partner to do more, like complimenting you or picking up your dry cleaning. 

    Maintaining the connection also means learning how to deal with arguments. Remember that arguments lead to disconnect, and that’s the opposite of what you’re aiming for. Whenever you’re mad at your partner, communicate it instead of giving them the silent treatment. Don’t treat them as if they’re a ghost – that will just make things worse.  

    However, there are situations where it's best to stay silent. If what you'll say won't change anything, it's best to keep it to yourself. For instance, say you're on a road trip and warned your partner not to drink too much water. They went ahead and did it anyway, and now they're begging to stop at the next gas station. You could say, "I told you so," but what's the point? It's not going to make them need to pee any less, so it's probably best to just say nothing – and avoid any unnecessary drama.

    Another thing to keep in mind is to avoid pushing your partner's buttons. Be mindful of how you criticize and correct them. And most importantly, when the going gets tough, don't doubt for a second that you and your partner can handle it. If you believe in yourselves, you'll be able to weather any storm.

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    What is The Five Core Conversations for Couples about?

    The Five Core Conversations for Couples (2020) examines the five important topics every couple should talk about. It offers expert guidance on the core facets of a relationship that can help you strengthen yours. 

    Who should read The Five Core Conversations for Couples?

    • Young couples looking for relationship advice
    • Older couples wanting to fix and strengthen their marriage
    • Anyone in a relationship

    About the Author

    David Bulitt is a distinguished divorce lawyer based in Washington, DC. He is also a writer, having published several articles in the Maryland Daily Record newspaper, as well as two fiction novels, Card Game and Because I Had To

    Julie Bulitt is a family therapist and a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. In addition to running her own practice, she also serves as the in-house therapist for Discovery Channel.

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