The Truth Book Summary - The Truth Book explained in key points

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The Truth summary

Name: The Truth
Rating: 3.5 (115 reviews)
Author: Neil Strauss

Neil Strauss

An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships

3.5 (115 ratings)

14 mins

Brief summary

'The Truth' by Neil Strauss is a memoir that explores the author's journey to discover the truth about relationships and himself. He reflects on his past experiences with women and delves into the complexities of modern dating culture.

Topics

Love Marriage Sex

Table of Contents

The Truth
Summary of 6 key ideas

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Key idea 1 of 6

What’s in it for me? Find out why love doesn’t have to be confined to a monogamous relationship.

What is a “model relationship”? Traditionally, a monogamous couple: two people so deeply in love that they wouldn’t even consider looking at another person, let alone having sex with them.

This traditional view still dominates, despite the fact that it isn’t at all true. In fact, there is simply no such thing as a “model relationship.” All that matters is what works for you. You can love as many people as you want; the only thing that should concern you is what makes you, and your partner(s), happy.

These blinks tell the story of those who have embraced other forms of sex and love. They also explain that to enjoy such an alternative lifestyle you need to get yourself into the right frame of mind: one centered on the concepts of respect, trust and self-understanding.

You’ll also learn

why swingers refer to their activities as “The Lifestyle”;
why not everyone agrees on what constitutes a sex addiction; and
why you can blame your relationship problems on your parents.

Polyamory – the act of loving multiple partners – can be enjoyed spiritually or by swinging.

Have you ever heard of polyamory? Many haven’t. Nonetheless, this word, brought to prominence by New Age writer Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart, refers to the practice of loving multiple people simultaneously. It developed as a reaction against monogamous society and the stresses of marriage within it.

After all, would you rather be monogamously but unhappily married or in a partnership that allows you to share your love with others and gives your partner freedom to do the same?

But polyamory isn’t just about sex. In fact, many people stress its spiritual side. So, instead of viewing it simply as a way to have sex with multiple partners, you should see polyamory as a way of concentrating on the finer, more spiritual aspects of love.

It can foster compassion and understanding between partners, utterly banishing the judgment and shame that often surround self-exploration and desire in monogamous culture. If a relationship does become sexual, this spiritual base enables complete openness between partners, making sex a holy experience that transcends the word’s smutty connotations.

But embracing the spiritual side of polyamory can seem weird to some. That’s why many people choose to explore this world through swinging. The problem is that swinging has earned itself a bad reputation as a seedy practice and members of the polyamorous community tend to instead call their life practice The Lifestyle, thus asserting their commitment to living a life of sexual adventure.

However, that doesn’t mean people living The Lifestyle should view it as a free pass to have sex however they please. In fact, boundaries and rules are essential because they let people know what they can and can’t do. With clear rules in place, each partner is free to enjoy The Lifestyle through a trusting, shame-free relationship that they know is strong.

Polyamorous relationships can be fixed or open.

So, you now know what polyamory is. Polyamorous relationships, however, come in many different forms.

Some people choose relationships with multiple, but fixed partners. That’s because operating in complex relationships is no easy task and such limitations help simplify things. For instance, how do you establish boundaries and equally divide the time you spend with your partners?

Making sex your highest priority could be a sign that you’re a sex addict.

Most people have heard stories about sex-obsessed people. But what really constitutes a sex addiction? Serial affairs? Watching too much pornography? Constant masturbation?

Actually, a sex addict is simply someone who places the opportunity to have sex over all else. They can’t control their behavior when presented with the opportunity to indulge in their addiction, even if they don’t enjoy it.

Sexual and relationship-based problems are often rooted in family situations.

Have you ever experienced a traumatic event? Just about everyone has. During childhood, most people experience some sort of trauma, be it neglect or loss or abandonment. But while most people can overcome the unconscious feelings of worthlessness such experiences produce, others are driven to external stimuli to make them feel better.

For some people, this develops into a sex addiction. For instance, those who experienced neglect during childhood through physically or emotionally distant parents tend to grow into adults without much sense of self-worth.

Love avoidance and sex addiction are issues with accessible solutions.

So, when it comes to intimacy there are two extremes: love addicts – for whom it’s nearly impossible to live without someone to love – and the love avoidant, who struggle to accept intimacy and love. And while we don’t all occupy one extreme or the other, we do tend to lean to one side.

In fact, relationship difficulties often arise between people from different sides of the spectrum. For instance, when a love avoidant person finds himself trapped in a relationship, he will search for intensity to replace the intimacy he can’t handle. However, this is often just a way of running away from himself, a cycle that he is bound to repeat from one partner to the next.

Building a healthy relationship with yourself is essential to moving on from your traumatic past.

Do you feel like your relationship to yourself is a healthy one? If not, you could benefit from this two-step technique:

It begins with emptying out, a phase in which you take space from relationships and sexual partners in order to better understand yourself. This is helpful because it’s important to see that it’s not your relationships that are broken, but you. That means there are problems you can’t solve simply by forming a relationship with someone else.

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What is The Truth about?

The Truth (2015) takes a close look at relationships, sex and trust, unpacking our assumptions about sex and arguing that monogamy may not be right for everyone.

Best quote from The Truth

The thing about swinging is that it strengthens good relationships and destroys bad ones.

—Neil Strauss

Who should read The Truth?

Couples
People seeking a partner
Anyone who has questioned monogamy

About the Author

Neil Strauss is a journalist who writes primarily for The New York Times and Rolling Stone. Especially well known for his undercover journalistic investigations, he has performed with musicians like Marilyn Manson, hosted his own TV show and written several books.

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