The Truth Book Summary - The Truth Book explained in key points

Listen to the Intro

00:00

The Truth summary

Name: The Truth
Rating: 3.7 (88 reviews)
Author: Neil Strauss

Neil Strauss

An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships

3.7 (88 ratings)

14 mins

What is The Truth about?

The Truth (2015) takes a close look at relationships, sex and trust, unpacking our assumptions about sex and arguing that monogamy may not be right for everyone.

Table of Contents

The Truth
summarized in 6 key ideas

Audio & text in the Blinkist app

Key idea 1 of 6

What’s in it for me? Find out why love doesn’t have to be confined to a monogamous relationship.

What is a “model relationship”? Traditionally, a monogamous couple: two people so deeply in love that they wouldn’t even consider looking at another person, let alone having sex with them.

This traditional view still dominates, despite the fact that it isn’t at all true. In fact, there is simply no such thing as a “model relationship.” All that matters is what works for you. You can love as many people as you want; the only thing that should concern you is what makes you, and your partner(s), happy.

These blinks tell the story of those who have embraced other forms of sex and love. They also explain that to enjoy such an alternative lifestyle you need to get yourself into the right frame of mind: one centered on the concepts of respect, trust and self-understanding.

You’ll also learn

why swingers refer to their activities as “The Lifestyle”;
why not everyone agrees on what constitutes a sex addiction; and
why you can blame your relationship problems on your parents.

Polyamory – the act of loving multiple partners – can be enjoyed spiritually or by swinging.

Have you ever heard of polyamory? Many haven’t. Nonetheless, this word, brought to prominence by New Age writer Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart, refers to the practice of loving multiple people simultaneously. It developed as a reaction against monogamous society and the stresses of marriage within it.

After all, would you rather be monogamously but unhappily married or in a partnership that allows you to share your love with others and gives your partner freedom to do the same?

But polyamory isn’t just about sex. In fact, many people stress its spiritual side. So, instead of viewing it simply as a way to have sex with multiple partners, you should see polyamory as a way of concentrating on the finer, more spiritual aspects of love.

It can foster compassion and understanding between partners, utterly banishing the judgment and shame that often surround self-exploration and desire in monogamous culture. If a relationship does become sexual, this spiritual base enables complete openness between partners, making sex a holy experience that transcends the word’s smutty connotations.

But embracing the spiritual side of polyamory can seem weird to some. That’s why many people choose to explore this world through swinging. The problem is that swinging has earned itself a bad reputation as a seedy practice and members of the polyamorous community tend to instead call their life practice The Lifestyle, thus asserting their commitment to living a life of sexual adventure.

However, that doesn’t mean people living The Lifestyle should view it as a free pass to have sex however they please. In fact, boundaries and rules are essential because they let people know what they can and can’t do. With clear rules in place, each partner is free to enjoy The Lifestyle through a trusting, shame-free relationship that they know is strong.

Polyamorous relationships can be fixed or open.

So, you now know what polyamory is. Polyamorous relationships, however, come in many different forms.

Some people choose relationships with multiple, but fixed partners. That’s because operating in complex relationships is no easy task and such limitations help simplify things. For instance, how do you establish boundaries and equally divide the time you spend with your partners?

Making sex your highest priority could be a sign that you’re a sex addict.

Most people have heard stories about sex-obsessed people. But what really constitutes a sex addiction? Serial affairs? Watching too much pornography? Constant masturbation?

Actually, a sex addict is simply someone who places the opportunity to have sex over all else. They can’t control their behavior when presented with the opportunity to indulge in their addiction, even if they don’t enjoy it.

Sexual and relationship-based problems are often rooted in family situations.

Have you ever experienced a traumatic event? Just about everyone has. During childhood, most people experience some sort of trauma, be it neglect or loss or abandonment. But while most people can overcome the unconscious feelings of worthlessness such experiences produce, others are driven to external stimuli to make them feel better.

For some people, this develops into a sex addiction. For instance, those who experienced neglect during childhood through physically or emotionally distant parents tend to grow into adults without much sense of self-worth.

Love avoidance and sex addiction are issues with accessible solutions.

So, when it comes to intimacy there are two extremes: love addicts – for whom it’s nearly impossible to live without someone to love – and the love avoidant, who struggle to accept intimacy and love. And while we don’t all occupy one extreme or the other, we do tend to lean to one side.

In fact, relationship difficulties often arise between people from different sides of the spectrum. For instance, when a love avoidant person finds himself trapped in a relationship, he will search for intensity to replace the intimacy he can’t handle. However, this is often just a way of running away from himself, a cycle that he is bound to repeat from one partner to the next.

Building a healthy relationship with yourself is essential to moving on from your traumatic past.

Do you feel like your relationship to yourself is a healthy one? If not, you could benefit from this two-step technique:

It begins with emptying out, a phase in which you take space from relationships and sexual partners in order to better understand yourself. This is helpful because it’s important to see that it’s not your relationships that are broken, but you. That means there are problems you can’t solve simply by forming a relationship with someone else.

Want to see all full key ideas from The Truth?

Key ideas in The Truth

More knowledge in less time

Read or listen

Get the key ideas from nonfiction bestsellers in minutes, not hours.

Find your next read

Get book lists curated by experts and personalized recommendations.

Shortcasts ^New

We’ve teamed up with podcast creators to bring you key insights from podcasts.

Best quote from The Truth

The thing about swinging is that it strengthens good relationships and destroys bad ones.

—Neil Strauss

About the Author

Neil Strauss is a journalist who writes primarily for The New York Times and Rolling Stone. Especially well known for his undercover journalistic investigations, he has performed with musicians like Marilyn Manson, hosted his own TV show and written several books.

Who should read The Truth?

Couples
People seeking a partner
Anyone who has questioned monogamy

Categories with The Truth

Sex & Relationships

Books like The Truth

The Game

Neil Strauss

Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists

A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships

The Evolution of Human Sexuality

Adventures in the Science of Female Desire

The Joy of Selfloving

24 min

4.3

How to Think More About Sex

Alain de Botton

Sage sex advice from a philosophical polymath

Why We Are the Way We Are: The New Science of Evolutionary Psychology

19 min

4.4

The All-or-Nothing Marriage

Eli J. Finkel

How the Best Marriages Work

Opening Ourselves to Real Love and Intimacy

The Thinking Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man

20 min

4.5

No More Mr. Nice Guy!

Robert A. Glover

A Proven Plan for Getting what You Want in Love, Sex, and Life

The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough

22 min

4.6

Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You Love

Nancy Dreyfus

Relationship Repair in a Flash

How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship

20 min

4.2

The Science of Kissing

Sheril Kirshenbaum

What Our Lips Are Telling Us

11 min

4.2

The Four Noble Truths of Love

Susan Piver

Buddhist Wisdom for Modern Relationships

Your Guide to the Most Successful Approach to Building Loving Relationships

In Search of Erotic Intelligence

24 min

4.5

How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

Dale Carnegie

The self-help classic that helps you stop worrying

366 Meditations on Power, Seduction, Mastery, Strategy, and Human Nature

30 min

4.5

Loving Your Spouse When You Feel Like Walking Away

Gary Chapman

Real Help For Desperate Hearts in Difficult Marriages

A Self-Help Book for Societies

18 min

4.5

Modern Romance

Aziz Ansari and Erik Klinenberg

Texting, sexting and more: How Aziz Ansari sees love in the 21st century

Unmask Your Shadow and Embrace Your Power

16 min

4.1

DIRTY LAUNDRY

Richard Pink & Roxanne Emery

Why adults with ADHD are so ashamed and what we can do to help

The Secrets of the Universe, the Science of the Brain

Rethinking Infidelity

22 min

4.2

The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control

Katherine Morgan Schafler

A Path to Peace and Power

16 min

4.5

The Universe Has Your Back

Gabrielle Bernstein

Transform Fear to Faith

Architect of American Ambition

A Philosophical Masterpiece on the Boundaries Between Good and Evil

Navigating the Complicated New Landscape

The Psychology of Persuasion

33 min

4.6

The Overthinking In Relationships Fix

Rodney Noble

Toxic Thoughts That Can Destroy Your Relationship And How To Fix Them

17 min

4.3

Procrastination

Jane B. Burka & Lenora M. Yuen

Why You Do It, What to Do About It Now

17 min

4.1

The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching

Thich Nhat Hanh

Transforming Suffering into Peace, Joy and Liberation

The Science of Synchronicity and How Your Choices Shape Your World

16 min

4.2

Attached

Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller

The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love

15 min

4.2

How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age

Dale Carnegie

Time-tested advice for the digital age

Contemplations on Affection, Friendship, Eros & Charity

21 min

4.4

The High-Conflict Couple

Alan E. Fruzzetti

A Dialectical Behavior Therapy Guide to Finding Peace, Intimacy & Validation

18 min

4.4

The Productivity Project

Chris Bailey

Proven Ways to Become More Awesome

13 min

4.4

The Narcissist You Know

Joseph Burgo

Defending Yourself Against Extreme Narcissists in an All-About-Me Age

How To Make Offers So Good People Feel Stupid Saying No

16 min

4.3

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

Mark Manson

A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

This Book Will Save Your Life

Healing the Shame-Fueled Relationship Between What You Eat and How You Feel

The secrets of 40 millionaires' wealth, revealed

15 min

4.5

Stealing Fire

Steven Kotler and Jamie Wheal

How Silicon Valley, the Navy SEALs, and Maverick Scientists Are Revolutionizing the Way We Live and Work

An explanation of Jung's theories about archetypes and the unconscious

27 min

4.5

People ❤️ Blinkist

Sven O.

It's highly addictive to get core insights on personally relevant topics without repetition or triviality. Added to that the apps ability to suggest kindred interests opens up a foundation of knowledge.

Thi Viet Quynh N.

Great app. Good selection of book summaries you can read or listen to while commuting. Instead of scrolling through your social media news feed, this is a much better way to spend your spare time in my opinion.

Jonathan A.

Life changing. The concept of being able to grasp a book's main point in such a short time truly opens multiple opportunities to grow every area of your life at a faster rate.

Renee D.

Great app. Addicting. Perfect for wait times, morning coffee, evening before bed. Extremely well written, thorough, easy to use.