Love Worth Making Book Summary - Love Worth Making Book explained in key points
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Love Worth Making summary

Stephen Snyder

How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship

4.2 (587 ratings)
20 mins

Brief summary

Love Worth Making by Stephen Snyder is an informative and engaging guide to sexual relationships. Snyder explains how to navigate various common issues such as low libido, infidelity, and mismatched desires, and offers practical solutions for cultivating healthy and satisfying intimate partnerships.

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    Love Worth Making
    Summary of 6 key ideas

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    Key idea 1 of 6

    Reaching true arousal is possible once you’ve learned how to nurture your sexual self.

    Many therapists and sex help books will tell you that sex can be summed up as “friction plus fantasy.” But couples who have tried and failed to reignite their desire know that there’s more to it than that. There’s something else that’s missing, something more elusive: the feeling of true arousal.

    Three psychological changes happen when we’re aroused. First, we feel captivated, are absorbed, and lose all sense of time. Next, we regress to a more primitive, selfish state of mind. Finally, we feel good about ourselves – like our partners can really see us. Formulas can be quite useless in the pursuit of arousal. But there are certain rules of the heart you can learn to help cultivate the ideal conditions for arousal to thrive. 

    The key message here is: Reaching true arousal is possible once you’ve learned how to nurture your sexual self.

    Rules of the heart need to be understood more than they need to be followed. They exist in a realm of genuine connection and authenticity. Here, you’ll find your sexual self: a highly personal, erotic feeling. It’s marked not by lust, but by gratitude and awe.

    The sexual self is very honest, but its vocabulary is mostly limited to “yes” or “no.” Trying to force the sexual self to turn a “no” into a “yes” will pretty much guarantee bad sex.

    This is what happened to Carmen, who couldn’t feel anything during sex with her husband Scott. She got aroused when they’d kiss on the couch in the living room. But once they’d moved to the bedroom, she’d become fixated on the worry that there was something “wrong” with her – and mentally shut down.

    What most people don’t realize is that they’re responsible for their own arousal. So the author suggested that Carmen do two things to set the mood for herself. First, ask Scott not to try to make her climax – she worried he’d get upset if she didn’t, which pulled her out of the moment. Second, if she felt turned on when they were on the couch, then try staying on the couch. 

    The next week, Carmen reported that their couch sex was more erotic. But she was still distressed. She confessed that she gave herself orgasms the “wrong way”: in the bathtub, with her clitoris under running water.

    The author told her that she wasn’t doing anything wrong. But the belief that she was damaged had garnered a lot of power over the years. For her sexual self to be happy, it needed acceptance. Reassured, Carmen gave herself an orgasm for the first time with her hands a few weeks later. And during sex with Scott, she was able to hold on to her arousal – and finally climax in her husband’s arms.

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    What is Love Worth Making about?

    Love Worth Making (2018) is a guide to enhancing sex and intimacy within committed partnerships. Drawing from real-life examples of sex and couples therapy sessions, it shows how both daily life and trauma affect our sexual feelings. It takes an emotional approach to untangling sexual problems and offers ideas on maintaining an erotic climate in a relationship.

    Love Worth Making Review

    Love Worth Making (2017) is a captivating exploration of the complexities of sex and intimacy in modern relationships. Here's why this book is worth reading:

    • It offers a refreshing and non-judgmental perspective on sex, helping readers navigate their desires and build deeper connections with their partners.
    • Through personal stories and expert insights, the book provides practical guidance for overcoming common sexual challenges, fostering a healthier and more satisfying love life.
    • Full of empathy and understanding, the book dismantles taboos surrounding sexual issues, making it an engaging and enlightening read.

    Who should read Love Worth Making?

    • Partners who love each other but are struggling to keep desire alive
    • New couples who want to learn how to sustain their sexual relationship
    • Anyone interested in the emotional side of sexual connection

    About the Author

    Stephen Snyder, MD is a sex and couples therapist, psychiatrist, and writer in New York City. He’s an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mt. Sinai Hospital, and has served as Chairman of the Consumer Book Award Committee for the Society for Sex Therapy and Research (SSTAR). He writes for Psychology Today and the Huffington Post.

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    Love Worth Making FAQs 

    What is the main message of Love Worth Making?

    The main message of Love Worth Making is that sexual desire and intimacy are essential for a fulfilling and passionate relationship.

    How long does it take to read Love Worth Making?

    The reading time for Love Worth Making varies depending on the reader's speed, but it typically takes several hours. However, the Blinkist summary can be read in just 15 minutes.

    Is Love Worth Making a good book? Is it worth reading?

    Love Worth Making is a worthwhile read for anyone interested in improving their sex life and deepening their emotional connection with their partner.

    Who is the author of Love Worth Making?

    The author of Love Worth Making is Stephen Snyder.

    What to read after Love Worth Making?

    If you're wondering what to read next after Love Worth Making, here are some recommendations we suggest:
    • Magnificent Sex by Peggy J. Kleinplatz and A. Dana Ménard
    • Intimacy & Desire by David Schnarch
    • Resurrecting Sex by David Schnarch
    • She Comes First by Ian Kerner
    • He Comes Next by Ian Kerner
    • Urban Tantra by Barbara Carrellas
    • How to Think More About Sex by Alain de Botton
    • Passionista by Ian Kerner
    • Why is Sex Fun? by Jared Diamond
    • Come Together by Emily Nagoski