Powerful ideas from top nonfiction
Try Blinkist to get the key ideas from 7,000+ bestselling nonfiction titles and podcasts. Listen or read in just 15 minutes.
Start your free trial
Blink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
Listen to the Intro
Intimacy & Desire summary
David Schnarch
Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship
25 mins
Brief summary
Intimacy & Desire written by David Schnarch is a self-help book that offers practical solutions for couples struggling with intimacy and sexual desire. The author emphasizes the importance of differentiation and creating a healthy balance between individuality and togetherness.
Table of Contents
Intimacy & Desire
Summary of 8 key ideas
Audio & text in the Blinkist app
Key idea 1 of 8
In every relationship, there is always a low desire partner and a high desire partner.
When you think of a healthy romantic relationship, what comes to mind? You probably picture a couple in love – a pair of people who are psychologically and physically compatible. And, if asked, you’d probably say they have a functional sex life. After all, a healthy relationship implies a healthy level of desire, right? If partners don’t desire one another, the relationship is as good as over.
Or so the myth about relationships goes. But that premise is based on a faulty assumption: that sustained desire is an index of a healthy relationship. In reality, sexual desire problems exist in all committed relationships.
The key message in this blink is: In every relationship, there is always a low desire partner and a high desire partner.
In every long-term relationship, there is a high desire partner (the HDP) and a low desire partner (the LDP). This is just another way of saying that one partner will always want sex more than the other. It doesn’t mean that the HDP is biologically predisposed to desirousness and the LDP is not. In fact, the positions say nothing about the individual partner – they only exist in relation to each other.
For example, if your partner desires sex daily and you only want it once a week, then you’re the LDP. But if your partner wants sex every other week and you desire it weekly, then you are the HDP. It’s always relative.
The positions can even shift throughout the course of your relationship, with partners potentially exchanging roles over time. Even if you were the HDP in the first few years of the relationship, you might become the LDP later on.
Understanding that there is always an LDP and an HDP can help you let go of worries that something is wrong with you. If you’ve ever been accused of not wanting enough sex, or of wanting too much sex, this framework should inspire you to put those reproaches to rest for good. Whatever the situation, you were filling the role of either LDP or HDP – relative to your partner.
Since the HDP-LDP dynamic exists in all relationships, you can also be sure that desire problems are not only inevitable but natural. All long-term relationships encounter desire problems at some point. It’s healthy. It’s normal. And it doesn’t mean your relationship is failing.
Want to see all full key ideas from Intimacy & Desire?
Key ideas in Intimacy & Desire
More knowledge in less time
Read or listen
Get the key ideas from nonfiction bestsellers in minutes, not hours.
Find your next read
Get book lists curated by experts and personalized recommendations.
Shortcasts New
We’ve teamed up with podcast creators to bring you key insights from podcasts.
What is Intimacy & Desire about?
Intimacy & Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship (2009) explains why all people in committed, long-term relationships run into sexual problems. Driven by case studies of real couples in sex therapy, the book demonstrates how people in relationships can transform their perspective – and confront themselves and each other – to reawaken sexual passion.
Who should read Intimacy & Desire?
- Anyone interested in relationship advice
- Couples looking to overcome sexual problems
- Partners who want to deepen their connection
Categories with Intimacy & Desire
Book summaries like Intimacy & Desire
People ❤️ Blinkist
Sven O.
It's highly addictive to get core insights on personally relevant topics without repetition or triviality. Added to that the apps ability to suggest kindred interests opens up a foundation of knowledge.
Thi Viet Quynh N.
Great app. Good selection of book summaries you can read or listen to while commuting. Instead of scrolling through your social media news feed, this is a much better way to spend your spare time in my opinion.
Jonathan A.
Life changing. The concept of being able to grasp a book's main point in such a short time truly opens multiple opportunities to grow every area of your life at a faster rate.
Renee D.
Great app. Addicting. Perfect for wait times, morning coffee, evening before bed. Extremely well written, thorough, easy to use.
People also liked these summaries
4.7 Stars
Average ratings on iOS and Google Play
29 Million
Downloads on all platforms
10+ years
Experience igniting personal growth