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Blink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
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The Next Conversation summary
Jefferson Fisher
Argue Less, Talk More
23 mins
Brief summary
The Next Conversation delves into mastering effective communication by understanding key principles that transform dialogues into meaningful exchanges. Jefferson Fisher offers practical techniques for enhancing conversational skills, fostering stronger connections and collaboration.
Table of Contents
The Next Conversation
Summary of 5 key ideas
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Key idea 1 of 5
Behind every argument is a hidden struggle
The moment Bobby LaPray walked into the deposition room, Fisher – the author – knew this wouldn’t be a routine witness testimony. The man’s physical presence was overwhelming; Fisher barely came up to Bobby’s chest, even though he was over six feet tall himself.
Bobby had been called in as a witness to a bar fight, and Fisher was representing an injured bystander. As Fisher started down the usual line of questions about when and where Bobby had been on the night of the incident, he noticed the witness growing increasingly agitated. His hands started twitching, and Fisher could hear his breathing getting louder.
Then, all of a sudden, Bobby erupted in anger. Pointing at Fisher, he accused lawyers of being the main reason behind the country’s problems. Fisher was shocked.
You probably know these sorts of moments, when a conversation suddenly goes cold. Out of nowhere, you find yourself thrust headfirst into a conflict you didn’t see coming. It can happen in a work meeting, at home with your family, or even over text. Most of us tend to react in one of two ways: fight back or shut down.
But what Fisher did in the deposition room was neither of these options. Instead of reacting, he decided to listen, and seek to understand what was really going on. In this case, this meant asking Bobby what he was struggling through at the moment. The room froze – no one had expected this question.
It turned out that Bobby’s mother was in failing health, and he was finding it difficult to cope. What’s more is that he’d received threats in the mail about her house from – you guessed it – lawyers. The pieces clicked together. It wasn’t Fisher or the deposition that Bobby was furious about – he was simply drowning in helplessness, and lawyers had become the face of his struggle.
Fisher did something then that no legal textbook would recommend. He paused the deposition, connected Bobby with an elder law attorney who could help with his mother's situation, and told him the simplest, most powerful truth: You're a good son. The man who could have literally thrown Fisher across the room now had tears streaming down his face. By the end, they were hugging.
It’s these sorts of things that we so often miss in conflicts. That fight about doing the dishes? The email from your colleague about your tone? Like Bobby’s angry outburst, these arguments are usually just the tip of the iceberg. Think of them as clumsy attempts to say “I’m hurting” – but the real, much bigger problem lurks beneath the surface.
So, the next time someone snaps at you, try bypassing the tip of the iceberg entirely. Instead, try asking, “What’s really weighing on you?” Doing so might help you discover the stress they’ve been under, or the anxieties they couldn’t put into words.
This is the magic that can happen in the silence after you ask. That’s how Fisher got through to Bobby, and it’s something you can take with you into your next conflict. But getting to that place of calm first requires you to grapple with your body’s powerful, automatic responses. Let’s look at this more closely.
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What is The Next Conversation about?
The Next Conversation (2025) draws on the high-stakes communication strategies of trial lawyers to equip you with practical tools for everyday interactions. You’ll learn how to manage your reactions, communicate assertively, and navigate conflict with composure and purpose.
Who should read The Next Conversation?
- Professionals looking to be more confident in the workplace
- Individuals seeking healthier communication in their relationships
- Anyone hoping to become more assertive
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