Daring Greatly Book Summary - Daring Greatly Book explained in key points

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Daring Greatly summary

Name: Daring Greatly
Rating: 4.5 (708 reviews)
Author: Brené Brown

Brené Brown

How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

4.5 (708 ratings)

20 mins

Brief summary

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown explores the power of vulnerability and how embracing it can lead to a more fulfilling, connected life.

Topics

Confidence

Table of Contents

Daring Greatly
Summary of 9 key ideas

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Key idea 1 of 9

What’s in it for me?

Whether it’s a parent scolding you for doing something wrong, or your boss publicly calling you out on making a mistake, we’ve all had feelings of shame at one time or another. In fact, shame seems like an inherent part of the human condition. But did you know that shame is actually very harmful, and stops us from living up to our full potential?

In this book, you will find out what exactly shame is and where it arises from. You will discover how it engenders a feeling of unworthiness and how it is endemic in our culture.

You’ll also discover the cure for feelings of shame: vulnerability. Vulnerability means the willingness to openly admit failures and weaknesses, and it will help you build up resilience to feelings of shame, and be happier with what you have.

If you then manage to build a culture of vulnerability at work, at school and at home, you’ll rid those places of shame, and find that it results in more creativity, more engagement and healthier families.

Shame is the fear of social disconnection; it’s only human, but harmful nonetheless.

We’ve all experienced shame. And most of us know that shame is triggered by our perception of what others think of us.

But to truly understand how shame works, we need to look at a basic human need for connection, love and belonging.

As “social animals,” we’re wired to seek the company of others;belonging to a group has always been crucial to our survival. In the Stone Age, for example, group members would attack any intruders to protect each other.

This need is so strong that socially disconnection causes real pain – one that neuroscience has shown is reinforced by our brain chemistry.

So what's behind our feelings of shame? The belief that we're not worthy of the love, connection and belonging that we need to survive.

And if we feel this way, whatever we do or accomplish in our lives will not be enough to satisfy that basic need.

The relationship between shame and worthiness can be observed, for example, in those instances when we show others something we've created – such as an essay we've written, or a painting we've made.

Often, we attach our self-worth to the way others respond to our creations. The result? We fear they will be criticized, or even rejected.

Clearly, shame is harmful to us. It stops us from trying, causing us to disconnect from others.

Shame makes us shy away from putting ourselves out there, whether it's presenting our work, expressing our feelings or trying something new. If, however, we have a sense of our unconditional worthiness, we'll be courageous when it comes to taking a chance.

In her research, the author discovered that shame weakens our ability to believe we can improve ourselves. Other researchers also have found that shame leads only to negative, destructive behavior; in blunt terms, shame has zero positive effects.

So, although it's only human to feel shame once in a while, the adoption of shame-related behavior in our society is worrying.

Shame is part of our current culture and it promotes a fear of unworthiness – of never having or being enough.

In a world pervaded by social media, we're constantly presenting ourselves and our lives to the public. We share our holiday pictures, the number of “friends” we have or our professional accomplishments for everyone to see – and to envy.

Such envy often leads to a feeling of scarcity that we've all felt occasionally – perhaps as we listened to a friend's exotic adventures, or as we gazed longingly at things we could never afford.

Vulnerability is the core of all emotions and by no means a sign of weakness.

If you ask people what they think of vulnerability, probably very few of them would consider it positive. We've been raised in a world where being vulnerable is associated with failure and disappointment, while success and strength are considered more important than connecting with our feelings.

But if we analyze what vulnerability really is, then we arrive at entirely different conclusions.

Instead of ignoring our vulnerability, we should embrace it to improve ourselves and our relationships.

Vulnerability is commonly understood as a negative quality, yet it's an essential quality of being human – an integral part of who we are.

So how can we deal with our inherent vulnerability in a positive and constructive way?

By understanding and verbalizing our shame, we build a resilience to it and experience others' empathy instead.

Because shame is precisely a fear of self-exposure, it's not a feeling we usually share easily with others.

We've all wished sometimes for the ground to open and swallow us up, shielding us from the judgmental glances and suppressed laughter of others. And often the feeling of shame is more painful to us than whatever it is we're ashamed about.

If we feel satisfied with what we are and have, we'll dare to stop hiding our vulnerability.

It's natural, and common, to want to improve ourselves or acquire more. This desire stems not only from a general competitiveness, but also from the need to shield ourselves from harm.

“If only we were rich/successful/popular enough,” we tell ourselves, “we'd be immune to pain and disappointment.” In other words, behind wanting to be and have more is our hope that we can rid ourselves of vulnerability.

An atmosphere of shame is toxic to any workplace or school.

We've all heard of some dubious motivational strategies meant to drive people toward desired objectives at school or at work. These include such concepts as benchmarking, where performance is compared to certain set rates or norms, and shaming and blaming, where people’s weaknesses or failures are openly displayed. Office employees must sell a certain amount to get their bonus, school teachers read pupils' grades out loud to the class, and universities allow only the best undergrads to advance to their graduate programs.

But anyone who's been under the threat of being publicly shamed knows all too well the hazardous effects it can have on one's productivity.

Leaders in education, work and society as a whole should combat disengagement by encouraging vulnerability over shame.

Changing general patterns in society always requires engaged individuals taking the first steps. Whether influential employers or managers, teachers or parents, they can all play their part in introducing a culture of vulnerability into our society.

There are symptoms of shame culture in almost every workplace or school. You might've heard, for example, of extreme cases in which employees' failures were displayed publicly in the office. In one incident, company employees were shamed into trading offices, and other methods of public humiliation have been used too.

Engaged and involved parenting in a shame-free environment will help children develop a sense of their worthiness.

We want only the best for our children. So if we wish for them to lead engaged, connected lives, we have to teach them the underlying principles of worthiness and vulnerability.

Firstly, we must consider that children experience shame as trauma. Shameful incidents early on in children's lives can influence not only childhood, but the rest of their lives too. Just think about times when you felt shame in your own childhood. Are they still vivid to you?

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What is Daring Greatly about?

Daring Greatly explores how embracing one’s vulnerability and imperfection is necessary for achieving real engagement and social connection. Through explaining our deep-seated reasons for shame, and showing how to embrace our vulnerability, the author aims to provide guidance for a better private and professional life, and to initiate a fundamental transformation in our shame-based society which, according to the author, needs to adapt a new culture of vulnerability.

Daring Greatly Review

Daring Greatly (2012) encourages readers to embrace vulnerability and live wholeheartedly. Here's why you should read it:

It challenges societal norms around strength and weakness, offering a fresh perspective on personal growth.
The book provides actionable steps to help readers overcome fears and cultivate vulnerability.
Brene Brown's relatable experiences and research-backed insights make the book both engaging and informative.
Dive into Daring Greatly and unlock the power of vulnerability in your life.

Who should read Daring Greatly?

Anyone who wants to start living courageously instead of hiding from challenges
Anyone who wants to learn how to build meaningful relationships with others, and with him or herself
Anyone who wants to raise their children so they’ll grow up to feel their own inherent worthiness

About the Author

Brené Brown, PhD, is an awarded and renowned research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work and has been researching the topic of shame and vulnerability for more than a decade. Her former work includes other books related to the topic such as I Thought It Was Just Me (2007) and The Gift of Imperfection (2010).

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Personal Development Sex & Relationships Psychology

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