The Gifts of Imperfection Book Summary - The Gifts of Imperfection Book explained in key points

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The Gifts of Imperfection summary

Name: The Gifts of Imperfection
Rating: 4.6 (643 reviews)
Author: Brené Brown

Brené Brown

Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed To Be and Embrace Who You Are

4.6 (643 ratings)

22 mins

Topics

Mental Health Meaningful Living

Table of Contents

The Gifts of Imperfection
Summary of 10 key ideas

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Key idea 1 of 10

What’s in it for me? Learn how to live a more fulfilling life by being true to yourself.

What would you say is your biggest flaw? Perhaps you’re an inveterate procrastinator. Maybe you feel like you’ve failed as a parent. Whatever it might be, you’re not alone. We all have our flaws and foibles. It’s how we deal with them that matters.

In her research on shame and its effects on the human mind, author Brené Brown has gathered thousands of stories from people around the US. From these stories, a powerful pattern has emerged: Those who find ways to embrace their imperfections, lead happier, more fulfilled lives than those who don’t. While being aware of your flaws is an important first step, it’s not enough. The true transfomative power lies in learning to love yourself.

That’s easier said than done. So how do you do it? Let’s find out.

Along the way, you’ll learn

why everything looks better when you zoom out;
why you should devote a decent portion of your life to play; and
why you should define yourself with slashes.

Authenticity is a choice that requires courage, compassion and connection.

Most people would like to live a life that is true to who they are; in other words, we’d like to be as authentic as possible.

Unfortunately, a handful of factors stand in the way: for example, a lack of self-confidence or pressure to conform. As a result, we feel we are inauthentic people, too weak to live honestly. But this is simply untrue!

Authenticity isn’t a quality that you either have or don’t. Rather, it’s a choice, one that reflects how we want to live. It’s the daily decision to be honest, embrace our vulnerability and to not care what others think.

And because it’s a choice, we thus have the option to be authentic on some days and less authentic on those other days when we’re too tired.

If you do, however, choose to act with more authenticity, then you’ll need to practice courage and compassion.

You’ll need the courage to speak your mind and allow yourself to be vulnerable in front of others. To look at this in practice, think about the next time you really want something to happen, like winning a contest or nailing an interview. Try not to play down your hopes in these situations. Acting like failure is no big deal won’t make the pain of failure any easier. In contrast, being honest about your hopes makes it possible for you to find support when you need it.

Furthermore, exercising compassion allows you to recognize that you aren’t alone, and that, in fact, everyone around you struggles with the exact same issues as you.

Compassion, in contrast with sympathy, is a relationship between equals: in order to relate to the struggles of others, you have to acknowledge your own, as well. By understanding that everyone around you has likely gone through what you’re going through now, you’ll have an easier time opening up to them and finding support.

Fear of shame hides behind perfectionism.

Are you a perfectionist? If you are, do you consider it to be a positive quality?

Perfectionism, despite maybe sounding positive, isn’t worth pursuing. It’s different than striving to be your best, and is unrelated to self-improvement. Rather, it revolves around the fundamental fear of shame.

Cultivate purpose and perspective so you are resilient in the face of adversity.

How many of us have tried to lose weight, but instead give up at the first sign of trouble? So many of us lack the resilience necessary to achieve our goals. Luckily, we can change that tendency. Let’s start by looking at where resilience originates:

Resilience comes from practicing hope. While hope is often considered an emotion based on circumstances outside of our control, researcher C.R. Snyder argues instead that hope is actually a cognitive process that can be both learned and practiced.

Practice being grateful for the ordinary moments in life.

It’s common sense that you’re happier when you’re grateful for the things you have, rather than when you’re lamenting that you don’t have enough. This gratitude, much like hope, is not an accidental emotion, but is a mindset that can be consciously trained.

While most people think of gratitude as the feeling that follows positive experiences, in reality it is a practice that fosters happiness. This has major implications for how we live our lives: it means that joy isn’t merely the accidental result of external conditions over which we have no control. Rather, we actively choose joy by practicing gratitude.

To be a better decision-maker, let go of the need for certainty and trust your intuition.

Your intuition is one of your greatest resources in decision-making. Unfortunately, however, many people find it difficult to trust their intuition.

In part, it’s because most people don’t understand what intuition is. They think of it as a “gut” feeling that has nothing to do with rationality or reason. In reality, intuition and reason are not mutually exclusive.

Embrace your own creative potential to do away with the need for comparison.

Comparing ourselves to others is totally natural, and something that we all do. However, in our attempts to measure ourselves against our peers, we often end up actually ridding ourselves of the very qualities that make us interesting individuals.

Indeed, comparison is the very root of conformity. While competition and conformity might at first sound like polar opposites, they’re actually inextricably related.

When it comes to your well-being, play and rest are just as important as work.

If someone told you to drop everything and go play – right now! – could you do it? Or would your other obligations keep you from leaving your desk? Making time to play isn’t as easy as it might seem.

Our society has the bad habit of tying self-worth to productivity. As a result, we end up sacrificing things like rest, play and our general well-being if those things appear to get in the way of our work.

Learn to manage your anxiety, rather than trying to get rid of it.

Life in our fast-paced, stress-filled society makes for a lot of anxiety. For many people, perhaps even you, the nervousness and restlessness that come with anxiety can be practically paralyzing.

We are most affected by anxiety when we inadvertently allow it to become an integral part of our lifestyle. This often occurs when we try to balance too many things at once without allowing ourselves to take a step back and put everything into perspective.

Identify your own gifts and talents that you can share with the world.

How many times did your parents or teachers tell you to quit spending all your time drawing, singing or playing and to instead do some real work? It’s high time you ignored their advice!

We all have unique gifts and talents that belong to us alone, and we should embrace them, rather than ignore them for the sake of getting “real work” done. Some of us, for example, might be artistically gifted, while others might be particularly good at conversation. Others might have a unique talent for remembering sports statistics.

Don’t be afraid of being uncool.

In this age of social media, the pressure to present ourselves as cool, blasé types with adventurous lives and without a care in the world has never been stronger. But it’s precisely this desire to be “cool” that keeps us isolated from others.

We need to be connected to others, and the best way to do so is through laughter, song and dance. These three activities create emotional and spiritual connection with those around us, and allow us to feel we’re not alone.

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What is The Gifts of Imperfection about?

The Gifts of Imperfection offers an accessible and engaging walk through the ten principles that you can follow to live a more fulfilling life, defined by courage, connection and compassion towards others. Filled with relatable anecdotes and actionable advice, the book is a useful resource for readers both young and old.

Best quote from The Gifts of Imperfection

Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day.

—Brené Brown

Who should read The Gifts of Imperfection?

Anyone who wants to live a more meaningful life
Anyone who has a great idea, but is afraid to share it with the world
Anyone troubled by feelings of inadequacy and vulnerability

About the Author

Brené Brown is an author and professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, where she specializes in research on shame and its effects on the human mind. Her work has been featured by a diverse selection of media, including PBS, NPR, CNN, OWN, and TED.

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