Sex at Dawn Book Summary - Sex at Dawn Book explained in key points

Listen to the Intro

00:00

Sex at Dawn summary

Name: Sex at Dawn
Rating: 4.2 (476 reviews)
Author: Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá

Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá

How we mate, why we stray, and what it means for modern relationships

4.2 (476 ratings)

22 mins

Brief summary

Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan & Cacilda Jethá challenges the conventional theory of monogamy, using research to argue for a more natural and open approach to sexual relations between humans.

Topics

Dating Sex Simplify Podcast Love

Table of Contents

Sex at Dawn
Summary of 10 key ideas

Audio & text in the Blinkist app

Key idea 1 of 10

Find out why long-term relationships suffer from monogamy.

Are humans monogamous by default? Does the standard “boy-meets-girl”narrative come naturally to us?

Many evolutionary psychologists think so. But take a moment to consider how many men have put their careers, family life and happiness at risk just for a single, meaningless, extra-marital fling. (Think Bill Clinton.)

Consider how, in some countries, women are stoned to death for adultery, yet the urge to pursue sexual variety outside a lifelong partner has persisted since the dawn of mankind.

From this perspective, it seems strange that countless individuals in human history have risked their lives and possessions for something that is believed to be “unnatural” to our species.

Yet the standard assumptions about womb-to-tomb monogamy, the weaker female libido and the nuclear family (consisting solely of mom, dad and kids) persist.

With more marriages failing than ever, and the media decrying the new “hook-up” culture, it’s time to ask: What is the reality of human sexuality? And, how did it come to be?

Sex At Dawn attempts to answer these questions. The following blinks will demonstrate a fascinating and plausible alternative view on the evolution of human sexual behavior.

In these blinks, you’ll learn:

why monogamous relationships tend to be doomed from the outset,
how casual sex was crucial to our ancestors’ survival,
why women moan loudly during sex, and why they take longer to reach orgasm,
how agriculture ruined our health and happiness, and
how the sexual and social behavior of our ancestors is similar to that of chimps and bonobos today.

Humans evolved in small, hyper-sexual communities where casual sex was the norm.

How many people have you ever had sex with?

Can you count on one hand? Did you have to reach for a pen and paper?

Sexual promiscuity helped our ancestors survive by sharing fatherhood among the group and strengthening social ties.

If you’ve ever watched a trashy daytime talk show, you’ll know that, in the Western world, people really want to know for certain who their real father is.

But in some tribes in South America, paternity of a single child is shared among many men – even at the moment of conception. The Achè tribe, for example, believe in four types of fathers for each child: the one who “put it in,” those who “mixed it,” those who “spilled it out” and those who supplied the child’s “essence.” Therefore, Achè women are encouraged to have sex with and collect semen from various men.

With the invention of agriculture, sexual expression and freedom were severely limited.

Although the standard narrative has been that agriculture was a huge leap forward for humanity, many scientists today believe it was one of the worst things to happen to us. When we began to cultivate plants and domesticate animals, not only did the new, unvaried diet damage our general health, but our social and sex lives suffered a blow: agriculture fostered possessiveness, jealousy and greed.

Prior to agriculture, in their nomadic hunter-gatherer-life, our ancestors had little to be greedy about. They shared whatever food they found, so it wouldn’t be wasted, and because they were constantly on the move, they couldn’t burden themselves with unnecessary possessions.

Women’s sexual hunger is just as great, and even more complex, than that of men.

By way of education and convention, we tend to believe that men have larger sexual appetites than women – a belief that’s reflected in the long established view that prudeness and coyness are prominent feminine traits.

But is there any truth to this notion?

Our closest primate relatives display social and sexual behavior similar to ours.

Humans share close ancestry with many primates, and are the closest genetically to chimps and bonobos, whose DNA differs from ours by just 1.6 percent.

It makes sense, then, that if we want to understand the basis for our own behavior, we can look to these primates for a relevant perspective on our own human nature.

The human male’s genital anatomy reveals that we evolved in a competitive mating system.

The human penis is, relative to body size, the largest of all in the primate kingdom. Male testes are also large, and located outside the body to keep a large amount of sperm cells at their optimal temperature.

Why?

Women today still display behavior suggesting their ancestors would have sex with many males in quick succession.

Thousands of years have passed since the invention of agriculture and the subsequent clampdown against socially shared sex. Because those intervening millennia have involved the establishment of strict religious, cultural and moral codes, it might follow that humans no longer bear any traits of their former, polygamous nature.

But actually, we see remnants of our ancestors' promiscuity. For example, have you ever wondered why some women are loud enough during sex that even people far away can hear?

The idea that “true love” means lifelong monogamy is a source of despair and disease.

When you truly love someone, you won’t ever need anyone else in your life, and sex with that one special person will always be great.

Right? Well, it’s a nice story, but it’s certainly not a true one.

A more open discussion of sex, monogamy and infidelity could benefit individuals and society.

The breakdown in our traditional understanding of love is a direct result of the disparity between our culture’s promotion of monogamy and our actual, biological desire for sex with different people.

How do we bridge the gap? Like any social issue, we should start simply by talking about it.

Want to see all full key ideas from Sex at Dawn?

Key ideas in Sex at Dawn

More knowledge in less time

Read or listen

Get the key ideas from nonfiction bestsellers in minutes, not hours.

Find your next read

Get book lists curated by experts and personalized recommendations.

Shortcasts ^New

We’ve teamed up with podcast creators to bring you key insights from podcasts.

What is Sex at Dawn about?

Sex At Dawn argues that the idealization of monogamy in Western societies is essentially incompatible with human nature. The book makes a compelling case for our innately promiscuous nature by exploring the history and evolution of human sexuality, with a strong focus on our primate ancestors and the invention of agriculture. Arguing that our distorted view of sexuality ruins our health and keeps us from being happy, Sex At Dawn explains how returning to a more casual approach to sex could benefit interpersonal relationships and societies in general.

Sex at Dawn Review

Sex At Dawn (2010) presents a provocative exploration of human sexuality and its implications. Here's why it's a must-read:

The book challenges traditional narratives on monogamy and human nature.
It draws on a wide range of scientific research and cross-cultural examples to support its arguments.
The authors present thought-provoking ideas, encouraging readers to reconsider societal norms.

Dive into Sex At Dawn for an eye-opening journey into the roots of human sexuality.

Best quote from Sex at Dawn

Until agriculture, human beings evolved in societies organized around an insistence on sharing just about everything.

—Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá

Who should read Sex at Dawn?

Anyone who wants to know what kind of sex life is intrinsic to human nature
Anyone who has experienced the strains of preserving monogamy over time, and wonders how lifelong relationships can work out
Anyone interested in biology and evolutionary psychology

About the Author

Christopher Ryan is an author and journalist with a PhD in Psychology, who has lived in Alaska, Mexico, India and Spain. Indian-Portuguese co-author Cacilda Jethá M.D. is a physician and psychiatrist. Ryan and Jethá have been married for years and have chosen not to reveal any personal details about their sex life.

Categories with Sex at Dawn

Sex & Relationships Science

Book summaries like Sex at Dawn

Mating in Captivity

Esther Perel

In Search of Erotic Intelligence

Rethinking Infidelity

22 min

4.2

The Four Noble Truths of Love

Susan Piver

Buddhist Wisdom for Modern Relationships

23 min

4.6

How to Think More About Sex

Alain de Botton

Sage sex advice from a philosophical polymath

The Evolution of Human Sexuality

Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women, Lust, and Infidelity Is Wrong and How the New Science Can Set Us Free

How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure

An examination of the amoral game and techniques of seducers

An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships

14 min

3.6

Emotional Intelligence

The 20 Skills and Competencies Everyone Needs to Succeed in a Digital World

18 min

3.8

Treating Pornography Addiction

Kevin B. Skinner

The Essential Tools for Recovery

15 min

3.8

Plays Well with Others

Eric Barker

The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know about Relationships Is (Mostly) Wrong

The Path to Fulfilling and Sustainable Sexuality

Getting Your Relationship Sh!t Together

14 min

4.3

Magnificent Sex

Peggy J. Kleinplatz and A. Dana Ménard

Lessons from Extraordinary Lovers

17 min

4.2

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

John Gray

A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships

20 min

4.5

The Porn Trap

Wendy Maltz & Larry Maltz

The Essential Guide to Overcoming Problems Caused by Pornography

20 min

4.1

Making Great Relationships

Rick Hanson

Simple Practices for Solving Conflicts, Building Connection, and Fostering Love

The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love

20 min

4.3

The All-or-Nothing Marriage

Eli J. Finkel

How the Best Marriages Work

The Secret to Love That Lasts

What We Should Know about the People We Don’t Know

An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones

25 min

4.7

Negotiation Genius

Deepak Malhotra & Max H. Bazerman

How to Overcome Obstacles and Achieve Brilliant Results at the Bargaining Table and Beyond

Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature

The Ancient Greek Epic Poem About A Hero's Journey Home

The secrets of 40 millionaires' wealth, revealed

15 min

4.4

Search Inside Yourself

Chade-Meng Tan

The Unexpected Path to Achieving Success, Happiness (and World Peace)

19 min

4.4

Thinking, Fast and Slow

Daniel Kahneman

Intuition or deliberation? Where you can (and can't) trust your brain

The feminist classic about how woman has been shaped into the “other” sex

How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship

20 min

4.2

More Than Two

Franklin Veaux & Eve Rickert

A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory

19 min

My Stroke of Insight

Jill Bolte Taylor

A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey

The Secret to Charging Full Speed Toward Every Opportunity

16 min

3.2

A General Theory of Love

Thomas Lewis

The science behind falling in love

19 min

4.4

The Evolution of Desire

David M. Buss

Strategies of Human Mating

Why We Are the Way We Are: The New Science of Evolutionary Psychology

How to Drop the Games of Seduction and Discover the Power of Intimacy

Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity

A Psychiatrist's Memoir

The Official Unrepentant, Ass-Kicking, No-Kidding, Change-Your-Life Sidekick to Unfu*k Yourself

12 min

4.5

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up

Marie Kondo

The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing

The Hundred Years' War on Palestine

Rashid Khalidi

A History of Settler Colonialism and Resistance, 1917–2017

Spiritual Minimalism to Live a More Fulfilled Life

17 min

4.6

Seven Brief Lessons on Physics

Carlo Rovelli

A mind-bending introduction to modern physics

19 min

4.4

How to Be a People Magnet

Leil Lowndes

Finding Friends – and Lovers – and Keeping Them for Life

16 min

4.4

Every Man's Battle

Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker with Mike Yorkey

Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time

Paths, Dangers, Strategies

18 min

4.1

People ❤️ Blinkist

Sven O.

It's highly addictive to get core insights on personally relevant topics without repetition or triviality. Added to that the apps ability to suggest kindred interests opens up a foundation of knowledge.

Thi Viet Quynh N.

Great app. Good selection of book summaries you can read or listen to while commuting. Instead of scrolling through your social media news feed, this is a much better way to spend your spare time in my opinion.

Jonathan A.

Life changing. The concept of being able to grasp a book's main point in such a short time truly opens multiple opportunities to grow every area of your life at a faster rate.

Renee D.

Great app. Addicting. Perfect for wait times, morning coffee, evening before bed. Extremely well written, thorough, easy to use.