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Mr Unavailable & the Fallback Girl
The Definitive Guide to Understanding Emotionally Unavailable Men and the Women that Love Them
- Read in 15 minutes
- Audio & text available
- Contains 9 key ideas
Mr Unavailable & the Fallback Girl (2008) provides a lifeline for anyone who keeps getting messed around by emotionally unavailable partners. With searing personal insights, tough love, and a large dose of humor, Mr Unavailable is an essential guide to breaking destructive relationship patterns and finding love.
Key idea 1 of 9
Natalie Lue realized that she had become a magnet for unavailable men.
The author, Natalie Lue, was very unlucky in love – or so she thought. Through ten years of dating she’d been stuck with men who blew hot and cold, men who pursued her relentlessly only to disappear.
She had an epiphany one night when she was on a date with her married boyfriend in central London. She suddenly found herself in the grip of a panic attack, gasping for breath. Instead of staying with her, her boyfriend put her on a train and then went back home to his wife.
Being abandoned like that was a reality check. The author realized that her boyfriend would never put her first and leave his wife. She also realized that she couldn’t chalk up all her unsuccessful relationships to bad luck. After all, she was the common factor in all of them.
The key message here is: Natalie Lue realized that she had become a magnet for unavailable men.
She’d been so desperate for validation that she was willing to settle for relationships with people who didn’t really care for her or treat her well. She’d become a “Fallback Girl,” someone that guys could come to for sex, or a shoulder to cry on, without actually being committed in any way.
So why had she stayed with them? Well, she’d become addicted to the drama. And she’d fallen into the trap of thinking that they’d change, if only she loved them enough.
Instead of wasting her time trying to pursue this pipe dream, the author decided to take a long, hard look at why she’d undervalued herself for so long. Why had she become fixated on what other people wanted, instead of putting herself first?
She knew she had to work to develop her self-esteem, draw strong boundaries, and learn how to communicate them. It was a challenging journey, but the results were profound. For the first time in her life, she felt peaceful and mentally strong. Her physical health also improved dramatically.
Soon after she had her epiphany, the author met a lovely, emotionally available man. Instead of rejecting him for being “too nice,” she embraced the relationship and reveled in being truly supported for the first time. Today, they’re happily married with two daughters.
The author has shared her insights with many thousands of women, helping them to change their relationship patterns by teaching them how to recognize when a man is just not emotionally available.