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Blink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
The No Contact Rule summary
Natalie Lue
A guide to surviving your breakup with your self-respect in tow
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Key idea 1 of 8
4.4 (71 ratings)
23 mins
8 key ideas
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What is The No Contact Rule about?
The No Contact Rule is the tough-talking guide you need if you’re feeling battered by a breakup, can’t seem to let go of your ex, or are stuck in an on-again off-again relationship. Here you’ll find tips and tricks on how to find emotional distance, refocus on yourself, and finally attain closure.
About the Author
Natalie Lue is an expert on the breakup mistakes to avoid. Why? Because she’s made more than her fair share herself. But in 2005, tired of heartbreak, she challenged herself to break bad relationship habits and reclaim her sense of self. Now, she blogs and podcasts about relationships and breakups through her hugely popular Baggage Reclaim brand.
Table of Contents
Key idea 1 of 8
Breaking up well means severing your connection completely.
When the famous Roman general Mark Antony abandoned his wife, Octavia, for Cleopatra, she was brokenhearted . . . and the Roman Empire was plunged into civil war. Two of Henry VIII’s six wives lost their heads when they broke up with the monarch – quite literally.
As these epic historical breakups show, losing love has never been easy. But when it comes to a parting of the ways, contemporary couples are at a disadvantage. Technology and connectivity have changed the world for the better, but have made breaking up far worse.
The key message is: Breaking up well means severing your connection completely.
It’s never been more difficult to make a clean break. These days, your ex is only ever a text message, an Instagram-stalking-session, or, let’s be honest, a booty call away. You know sending that text is a bad idea, but you do it anyway.
Why?
Well, a lot of the time, you genuinely still have feelings for your ex. You’re clinging to the possibility that you’ll reunite. So you stay in touch. But making yourself emotionally or sexually available to your ex, positions you as a backup option. It signals you’ll give your ex the benefits of a relationship without any of the commitment.
Social media has conditioned many of us to equate attention – any kind of attention – with affection. So, when your ex is still messaging you and giving you attention, you feel they’re giving you real affection. So you find pretexts to email or text, or comment on their Facebook updates hoping they’ll comment back.
Or perhaps your ex is persistently communicating with you and you feel obligated to respond out of a sense of kindness.
Hope for a reconciliation, hunger for affection, pity for an ex-partner – none of these are good reasons to stay in touch with an ex.
And here’s one excellent reason to cut contact entirely: when a couple breaks up, a boundary is drawn. That boundary says something about what you will and won’t tolerate in a relationship. It says “cheating is unacceptable” or “I need my partner to show me affection” or even “I love Star Wars and simply cannot date a trekkie.”
Any communication that is an attempt to keep this broken relationship alive, compromises that boundary. It signals to your partner, and more importantly to you, that your boundaries need not be respected. And that’s not on.
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Who should read The No Contact Rule
- Anyone who’s just been dumped;
- Anyone who’s just dumped someone;
- Everyone who just can’t seem to stop texting their ex.
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