Talk Buchzusammenfassung - das Wichtigste aus Talk

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Zusammenfassung von Talk

Name: Talk
Rating: 4.2 (255 reviews)
Author: Elizabeth Stokoe

Elizabeth Stokoe

The Science of Conversation

4.2 (255 Bewertungen)

25 Min.

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What’s in it for me? Learn the science that underpins the way we speak.

When you think about it, talk is a tool. In fact, it’s one of the most flexible and potentially powerful tools we have at our disposal. We use it to cultivate relationships, to convey ideas, to resolve conflict, to buy and sell, to ask for and receive help. Through talk, we are able to suggest, to offer, to persuade, to annoy, to excite.

But many of us don’t know exactly how this tool works, or how we can use it to produce the best results. That’s where conversation analysis comes in. While our talk can seem random and spontaneous, conversation analysis reveals that most conversations follow predictable structures and patterns. By studying these patterns, it’s possible to perceive hidden meanings, predict reactions, avoid conflict and even tweak your talk to change the outcome of your interactions. So let’s delve into the secret world of talk.

In these blinks, you’ll learn

which tiny word you can use in your questions to turn a “no” into a “yes”;
what so-called filler words like “so” and “um” really mean; and
why communications role-play is a pointless exercise.

Breaking conversation into building blocks reveals that most interactions follow predictable patterns.

You probably first learned to “take turns” in playtime at school, but taking turns is equally crucial for successful conversation.

When you’re in conversation, you and your partner are engaged in completing a conversational project. It might be a project as simple as ordering a pizza or as challenging as asking for a promotion. Whatever it is, you and your partner collaborate in completing this project through a series of conversational turns.

A conversational turn is a grammatically coherent unit of talk. Additional non-verbal cues, like trailing off or employing downward intonation, signal the turn is complete. As we listen, we’re analyzing when the speaker’s turn will finish, and when our turn should be next.

Turns are organized in adjacency pairs. The first turn in a pair is designed to prompt an appropriate second turn. A greeting is designed to prompt a greeting, a question is designed to prompt an answer, and so on.

Basically, conversation consists of turn-taking. One person talks, the other person listens and waits to talk. So far, so obvious! But a more detailed look at turn-taking reveals that it’s the source of some common conversational problems.

The end of a turn presents a potential conversational minefield. Misread the cues and you might end up interrupting someone before they’ve finished what they want to say, creating the impression that you’re not listening.

What’s more, the endings of some turns are artificial – that is, they’re only designed to produce short responses. If someone completes a turn in the middle of a long story, they’re inviting you to interject with something along the lines of “Really?” They’re not inviting you to interrupt with a lengthy anecdote of your own.

Meanwhile, if you talk out of turn, you’re a first mover. This means that you fail to complete adjacency pairs properly – and you might be creating a poor conversational impression because of it.

If your neighbor responds to your greeting of “Good morning!” with a demand, such as, “You need to do something about your dog barking,” then she’s a first mover. Her demand may be reasonable, but without following the convention of responding to a greeting with a greeting before moving the conversation along, it comes off as rude and unreasonable.

Taking turns is harder than it first seems, but once you’ve mastered the art, you’re well on your way to smoother conversations.

Bland conversational openings actually perform a crucial function.

Whether you’re on the phone with your mom or chatting with your taxi driver, your conversations are certain to begin with a greeting, like “Hey” or “Hello,” and an initial inquiry, like “What’s up?” or “How are you?” This initial inquiry is so ingrained in the opening conversational pattern that it feels automatic. But does that make it meaningless?

Well, yes and no.

Learning to decode silences and filler words provides insight into what people are really thinking.

With books, we’re told to ‘read between the lines’. The words left off the page can tell us just as much as the words written there. The same is true for speech. Pauses, and filler words like “so,” “um,” and “oh” can say just as much as the words they come between.

Let’s start by busting a common myth about conversational pauses. There’s a misconception that when someone pauses before responding to a conversational turn, she’s processing what she’s heard. Perhaps she’s searching for the right word or deciding how to respond. In fact, conversation analysts say that this is rarely the case. Most of our processing takes place during the other speaker’s turn. That’s why conversation moves quickly.

Actions don’t always speak louder than words.

Ever heard the statistic that 93 percent of communication is made up of body language? It’s widely repeated . . . and it’s totally inaccurate.

The magical 93 percent number comes from a 1971 study by psychologist Albert Mehrabian. But this study was actually very limited. It asked listeners to judge a speaker’s mood based on the way he delivered just one word. Mehrabian himself has pointed out that, beyond the confines of his initial study, this statistic is totally misapplied.

The words you choose can affect the responses of others.

Hotels often encourage guests to reuse their towels with a sign in the bathroom. But signs that appeal to guests to reuse towels for environmental reasons have proven ineffective. A better sign appeals to social norms, saying something like “Most guests choose to reuse their towels.” Changing the wording of the sign is all it takes to produce a change in guests’ actions.

This is a classic example of choice architecture, the process of designing the ways in which choices are presented to others in order to secure your desired outcome. Choice architecture can be easily incorporated into your conversational tool kit.

How we design our questions affects the quality of service we receive.

Ask and you shall receive . . . but what you receive might depend on how you ask for it.

Every day we use talk to get and give help, to receive and provide services. And it’s talk that can provide the key to getting and giving better service.

There’s an art to making and accepting conversational offers.

Have you ever made a half-hearted offer that, to your chagrin, your conversational partner accepted? Have you ever felt forced into making an offer you really didn’t want to make? Making and accepting offers can be a conversational minefield. Here’s how to negotiate it.

Accepting offers can require delicate conversational strategy. If you’re accepting an offer, how can you do it graciously? Try these two simple strategies.

Communication role-playing is flawed. We need real-time conversation analysis.

If you’ve ever worked in a customer-facing role, you’ve almost certainly endured HR-mandated conversational role-play designed to improve corporate communications strategy. But sitting across from your boss playing the role of “irate customer” isn’t just awkward. According to conversational analysts, it’s actually counterproductive.

Role-plays and simulations are classic communications tools, but they don’t work. Why not? Because they create an artificial conversational context.

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Worum geht es in Talk?

From small talk with the barista to water-cooler chat with colleagues, we spend a lot of our time talking — yet very few of us understand the science that underpins how we talk. Talk (2018) breaks down the fundamental building blocks and typical patterns of conversational encounters to reveal the structures and strategies behind what we say, and offers a blueprint for how we can learn to talk and listen more effectively.

Wer Talk lesen sollte

Anyone who’s ever had trouble getting a point across
Anyone who’s ever suffered a communication breakdown
People who want to take their conversational skills up a notch

Über den Autor

Elizabeth Stokoe is professor of social interaction at Loughborough University, where she specializes in conversation analysis. She developed the CARM (Conversational Analytic Role-Play) method, which uses recordings of real-time conversations to identify typical problems and patterns in conversation. As a conversation analyst, she has consulted on conversational strategy in fields ranging from hostage negotiation to speed dating.

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