Who is the author of The Connected Child?

The authors of The Connected Child are Karyn B. Purvis, David R. Cross, and Wendy Lyons Sunshine.

The Connected Child Book Summary - The Connected Child Book explained in key points

Listen to the Intro

00:00

The Connected Child summary

Name: The Connected Child
Rating: 4.5 (56 reviews)
Author: Karyn B. Purvis, David R. Cross and Wendy Lyons Sunshine

Karyn B. Purvis David R. Cross Wendy Lyons Sunshine

Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family

4.5 (56 ratings)

27 mins

Brief summary

"The Connected Child" by Karyn B. Purvis, David R. Cross and Wendy Lyons Sunshine is a guide for adoptive and foster parents. It explores the unique needs of children from difficult backgrounds and offers practical strategies for building trust, promoting healing and facilitating growth.

Topics

Education & Upbringing Family Life Emotional Intelligence

Table of Contents

The Connected Child
Summary of 9 key ideas

Audio & text in the Blinkist app

Key idea 1 of 9

What’s in it for me? Transform your relationship to parenting.

Parenting can be challenging at the best of times. When you’re parenting a child with a history of abuse or deprivation, the demands are even greater. These children might have missed out on vital developmental learning; maybe they’re still grappling with the effects of past trauma.

The good news is that nurturing parenting can make a huge difference in the life of a child at any age. Adoptive parents need to adopt a multipronged strategy – investing time in teaching social skills and providing emotional support, as well as promoting good brain chemistry through nutrition and exercise. By consistently implementing these interventions, parents can help their children thrive.

The most important element of all is the connection between parent and child. By methodically building trust, you can create a strong foundation. From there, anything is possible!

In these blinks, you’ll learn

why play is more effective than punishment;
how a good diet can transform your brain chemistry; and
why touch is so important for nurturing your child.

We need to understand the histories of at-risk kids to give them the support they need.

Consider Louise, a baby who is born into a loving, stable home. Louise has her needs met even before she’s born. Her mother eats nutritious foods and goes to doctor’s appointments; the family prepares as best they can for her arrival.

Once she’s born, she’s held and fed. Louise learns that people will always respond to her cries. By listening to her parents’ voices, she starts to develop language skills; by scanning the room, her visual literacy increases. Every time her small body is touched and held, it releases serotonin, which helps her brain grow.

Contrast her experience with that of a baby like Donnie, who is put in an orphanage as an infant. Donnie lies in his crib for hours, staring at the ceiling. He gets used to wearing soiled diapers and experiencing prolonged hunger. He is hardly touched or interacted with by the overworked attendants.

The key message here is: We need to understand the histories of at-risk kids to give them the support they need.

Donnie’s background left him with a yawning gap in his development, which is the case for many adopted and fostered children. Adoptive parents need to understand the specific deprivations their children have experienced in order to understand their behavior and be able to provide adequate support.

The nine months in utero and first years of life are an essential time for a child’s development. Infants whose mothers were chronically stressed, anxious, or depressed during pregnancy show abnormal brain chemistry. If their mothers abused drugs or alcohol during pregnancy, this also has profound effects on the functioning of their central nervous systems.

Children who grow up with absent or abusive parents often have difficulty forming attachments. They find it hard to trust; they’ve learned they can’t count on anybody to help them. If, like Donnie, they’re deprived of touch and interaction as a baby, they’ll have a much harder time bonding with others as adults. A lack of physical and verbal interaction also affects their brain development, as well as their ability to process what they see, feel, or hear.

Raising an adopted or foster child means reckoning with their specific past experiences. Even if children appear “normal,” they’re often carrying around the invisible scars of neglect or abuse. Once you understand what they’ve been through, you’ll be better able to provide support to help them heal and grow.

Adopted children need to learn to feel safe after years of fighting for survival.

Janey’s mother was shocked when her daughter had a huge tantrum because she wasn’t allowed a snack before dinner. “I hate you!” Janey screamed, before slamming her door and bursting into tears.

Janey wasn’t being difficult or acting spoiled; she was scared. Her response stemmed from the profound fear of going hungry – something she’d experienced so many times in the past when her caretakers neglected to feed her. What she needed was reassurance, not punishment. She needed to learn that in this new environment, she was safe.

Adoptive parents need to model good communication skills.

How can you learn to communicate if nobody took the time to interact with you as a child? Or what if your parents only screamed abuse at you instead of having a conversation?

Communication is one of the most important skills that humans learn. It’s how we interact with each other and express our needs. It’s also how we form attachments to our parents. But at-risk children have often missed out on learning good communication skills. That’s why it’s so important for adoptive parents to spend time teaching their children how to communicate – and to model healthy social interactions themselves.

Strict punishments don’t work on at-risk kids.

Old-fashioned sayings like “spare the rod, spoil the child” have always taught that harsh discipline is in a child’s best interest. While corporal punishment may not be your style, you might still be tempted to become extra strict if your child has behavioral problems.

Children do need you to set clear boundaries. But overly strict punishments can actually backfire when you’re dealing with children from deprived or abusive backgrounds.

Prepare your kids for stressful situations by planning ahead and providing structure.

Have you ever gone to the supermarket when you’re really hungry and ended up buying way more food than you’d originally intended? Imagine what it’s like for a kid who’s spent most of her life going hungry. Suddenly, she’s surrounded by more food than she could ever eat. The experience is exciting – but also completely overwhelming. Before you know it, you’re embroiled in a tiring battle of wills about what your child is allowed to put in the shopping cart.

All parents know what it’s like to be in these kinds of high pressure, high conflict situations. The good news is that, with a bit of foresight, you can make a plan to minimize the conflict and defuse tension before it even arises.

Play allows you to develop your relationship with your children.

When’s the last time you had a belly laugh with your kid? Amid all the pressure of household chores and homework, it’s easy to forget to make time for one of the most essential parts of parenting: having fun with your children.

And what better way to have fun than by playing games together? Playing games gives you the chance to interact positively with your kids, and you’ll fill their “trust banks” by showing them you care about spending time with them. Building trust strengthens your relationship and will make all of your interactions easier.

Supporting healthy brain chemistry is key to solving behavioral problems.

Imagine you were driving a car but never put any gas or oil in it. Soon enough, the car would come to a shuddering stop at the side of the highway.

Cars need the right fuel to function. In the same way, our brains require the right food if they are to function optimally. This is especially crucial for at-risk children who have experienced chronic stress or abuse growing up.

You can help your children become more confident by showering them with love and encouragement.

At a camp for at-risk children, a boy was asked to draw a self-portrait. He drew an enormous airport with planes and clouds and, at the very bottom, a tiny speck representing himself. The portrait symbolized how he saw himself – small and insignificant in a large and bewildering world.

Many at-risk kids have similarly low self-esteem. That’s why one of the most important things that adoptive and foster parents can do is nurture self-confidence.

Progress might be slow, but don’t give up hope.

Imagine you’re climbing up a tall, snowy mountain. You’re treading carefully and making slow, arduous progress. Suddenly, you lose your footing and slip down the slope.

Adopting or fostering a child can feel like that. As much progress as you make, there will always be times when it seems like nothing’s going well or it feels like your child has regressed.

Want to see all full key ideas from The Connected Child?

Key ideas in The Connected Child

More knowledge in less time

Read or listen

Get the key ideas from nonfiction bestsellers in minutes, not hours.

Find your next read

Get book lists curated by experts and personalized recommendations.

Shortcasts ^New

We’ve teamed up with podcast creators to bring you key insights from podcasts.

What is The Connected Child about?

The Connected Child (2007) is an insightful guide for parents of adopted and foster children. Children from deprived or abusive backgrounds have unique needs. By taking a multipronged approach including behavioral interventions, good diet and exercise, and lots of nurturing, parents can play a vital role in helping their children heal.

The Connected Child Review

The Connected Child (2007) is an essential read for anyone seeking to understand and support children with difficult pasts. Here's why this book is worth your time:

Offers practical strategies for parents and caregivers to build strong, loving connections with children who have experienced trauma.
Addresses a wide range of topics, from attachment issues to sensory integration, providing a comprehensive approach to supporting children's development.
Shares compelling stories of real families, illustrating the power of connection and offering hope and inspiration for those facing similar challenges.

Best quote from The Connected Child

Shift your mind-set so that you see misbehaviors not as a headache but as an opportunity to teach a child new skills.

—Karyn B. Purvis, David R. Cross and Wendy Lyons Sunshine

Who should read The Connected Child?

Parents who are considering adopting or fostering a child
Teachers or social workers who interact with at-risk youth
Anyone who’s ever had a showdown with a toddler in the cereal aisle

About the Author

The late Dr. Karyn Purvis was the director of the Rees-Jones Foundation and cofounder of the Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development at Texas Christian University in Fort Worth.

Dr. David R. Cross is a psychology professor at Texas Christian University and the director of the Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development.

Wendy Lyons Sunshine is an award-winning health journalist. Her work has been featured in the New York Times, Scientific American, and AARP Magazine.

Categories with The Connected Child

Parenting

Book summaries like The Connected Child

How to Win Friends & Influence People

Dale Carnegie

Basic rules for how to make a good first impression

The Surprising Connection Between Metabolism and Limitless Health

18 min

4.2

The Almanack of Naval Ravikant

Eric Jorgenson

A Guide to Wealth and Happiness

7 Steps to Living Your Best Life

A Mindful Guide to Breaking the Cycle of Reactive Parenting and Raising Kind, Confident Kids

Knowing When to Give It, When to Withhold It, How to Earn It, and How to Fix It When It Gets Broken

Mindful lessons on love

Stop Drama, Eliminate Entitlement, Maximize Results

The Swedish Art of Balanced Living

A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

16 min

4.6

The 12 Week Year

Brian P. Moran and Michael Lennington

Get More Done in 12 Weeks than Others Do in 12 months

21 min

4.5

The Leader Lab

Tania Luna and LeeAnn Renninger

Core Skills to Become a Great Manager, Faster

23 Techniques to Relieve Stress, Stop Negative Spirals, Declutter Your Mind, and Focus on the Present

Uncover Key Ethical Questions Shaping Our Actions and Choices

20 min

4.2

Bless This Mess

Molly Baskette and Ellen O’Donnell

A Modern Guide to Faith and Parenting in a Chaotic World

Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive

Rethink Your Relationship with Your Company and Make it Work for You

The Vulva and the Vagina: Separating the Myth from the Medicine

How Progressive White People Perpetuate Racial Harm

29 min

3.1

Unlocking Parental Intelligence

Laurie Hollman

Finding Meaning in Your Child's Behavior

The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine

A Painfully Honest Field Guide to the Startup World

21 min

4.2

13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do

Amy Morin

Raising Self-Assured Children and Training Their Brains for a Life of Happiness, Meaning, and Success

How to Make Better Choices in Life and Work

22 min

4.4

The Montessori Toddler

Simone Davies

A Parent's Guide to Raising a Curious and Responsible Human Being

14 min

4.3

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families

Stephen R. Covey

Creating Powerful & Positive Relationships Within the Family

21 min

4.5

Smart Money Smart Kids

Dave Ramsey & Rachel Cruze

Raising the Next Generation to Win with Money

15 min

4.2

Remote Work Revolution

Tsedal Neeley

Succeeding from Anywhere

17 min

3.7

The Success Principles

Jack Canfield

How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be

19 min

4.4

Human Hacking

Christopher Hadnagy with Seth Schulman

Win Friends, Influence People, and Leave Them Better Off for Having Met You

24 min

4.5

The Art of Public Speaking

Dale Carnegie

Become a confident, effective public speaker

The Power of Thinking Without Thinking

The Paradox of Modern Parenthood

15 min

3.6

The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari

Robin Sharma

A guide to using ancient practices to improve your quality of life and achieve your goals

15 min

4.5

How Not to Die

Michael Greger and Gene Stone

Discover the Foods Scientifically Proven to Prevent and Reverse Disease

23 min

4.5

Creativity, Inc.

Ed Catmull with Amy Wallace

Overcoming the Unseen Forces That Stand in the Way of True Inspiration

Psychology and the secret to investing success

Why we can’t stop fighting – and how to get great stuff done despite our differences

22 min

4.0

You Weren’t Supposed To See That

Joshua Brown

Secrets Every Investor Should Know

A Life in Nine Pieces

38 min

4.6

This Is So Awkward

Cara Natterson & Vanessa Kroll Bennett

Modern Puberty Explained

One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia

Own Your Power to Serve, Fight, Protect, and Heal

A Short Guide to Remove Distractions and Get Your Brain to Do Hard Things

21 min

4.3

How Economics Explains the World

Andrew Leigh

A Short History of Humanity

20 min

4.0

The Education of Millionaires

Michael Ellsberg

Everything You Won't Learn in College About How to Be Successful

Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life

19 min

4.6

How to Be an Adult in Relationships

David Richo

The Five Keys to Mindful Loving

26 min

4.5

Get Better at Anything

Scott H. Young

12 Maxims for Mastery

How Toxic Beauty Culture Harms Women

18 min

4.2

People ❤️ Blinkist

Sven O.

It's highly addictive to get core insights on personally relevant topics without repetition or triviality. Added to that the apps ability to suggest kindred interests opens up a foundation of knowledge.

Thi Viet Quynh N.

Great app. Good selection of book summaries you can read or listen to while commuting. Instead of scrolling through your social media news feed, this is a much better way to spend your spare time in my opinion.

Jonathan A.

Life changing. The concept of being able to grasp a book's main point in such a short time truly opens multiple opportunities to grow every area of your life at a faster rate.

Renee D.

Great app. Addicting. Perfect for wait times, morning coffee, evening before bed. Extremely well written, thorough, easy to use.