What is the main message of Raising Good Humans?

The main message of Raising Good Humans is how to raise emotionally intelligent children.

Who is the author of Raising Good Humans?

Hunter Clarke-Fields is the author of Raising Good Humans.

Communication Skills

Raising Good Humans Book Summary - Raising Good Humans Book explained in key points

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Raising Good Humans summary

Name: Raising Good Humans
Rating: 4.5 (378 reviews)
Author: Hunter Clarke-Fields

Hunter Clarke-Fields

A Mindful Guide to Breaking the Cycle of Reactive Parenting and Raising Kind, Confident Kids

4.5 (378 ratings)

18 mins

Brief summary

"Raising Good Humans" by Hunter Clarke-Fields is a hands-on guide for parents to transform their relationship with their children and teach them healthy emotional regulation. It provides practical exercises and tools based on mindfulness and compassion to build a stronger and more joyful family dynamic.

Topics

Emotional Intelligence Listening Education & Upbringing Family Life

Table of Contents

Raising Good Humans
Summary of 8 key ideas

Audio & text in the Blinkist app

Key idea 1 of 8

What’s in it for me? Stop yelling at your kids, and start feeling good about your parenting skills.

Ever yelled at your kid? Well, join the club. Kids are wonderful, but they can test your nerves to the point that you’d have to be a saint not to snap.

Still, it doesn’t feel good to yell – and deep down inside, you probably know that it’s damaging your relationship. If you’re ready to break the reactionary cycles that have been handed down to you from the generations before, this Blink is for you.

There’s no magic cure to end yelling; even with guidance, you’re bound to slip once in a while. But you can begin to heal your inner wounds, learn to interrupt your reactions, and start cultivating healthier connections with your children.

In this Blink to Hunter Clarke-Fields’ Raising Good Humans, you'll explore the daily practice that will help shrink the reactionary part of your brain and strengthen the problem-solving part. You’ll discover strategies for managing your own big emotions so you can pass those skills on to your kids. And you’ll learn to build cooperation through connectedness – and ultimately create a lifelong positive relationship with your children.

With that in mind, let’s dive in.

You can’t control this.

There you are, looking your five-year-old dead in the eye. For the third time you say, “Don’t you dare touch that vase.”

Time slows down. Silence fills the room. Maybe you hear the distant rustle of a tumbleweed rolling by as the standoff intensifies. Your little angel smiles devilishly, stares at you without flinching, and pokes the vase – knocking it to the floor with a crash.

What are you supposed to do? We’ll start with what you can’t control. Whatever feelings come up – possibly a rush of rage and indescribable frustration – are beyond your control. Your stress response is natural and automatic. It comes from a part of your brain called the amygdala.

Here’s the bad news: when you’re in a state of high stress and your amygdala is activated, you are not capable of responding in a logical, controlled way. The part of your brain that thinks and considers is called the prefrontal cortex – and it’s completely paralyzed when you’re in a state of fight, flight, or freeze.

So is that it? You’re just doomed to yell at your kids until they stop pushing all your buttons?

Of course not. Here’s the good news: the answer to the problem of reactions that are out of your – and your kids’ – control is mindfulness.

Yes, we’ve all heard the term. Frankly, it has been used to death in everything from Instagram stories to parenting podcasts. But here’s the deal. Research using MRI scans has shown that after only eight weeks of some kind of consistent mindfulness practice – whether it’s meditation or yoga or something else – the amygdala actually shrinks. Even better, the connections between your prefrontal cortex and the rest of your brain grow stronger.

So as much as we’re becoming jaded to the concept of mindfulness, it’s truly the best and only practice that can help us break the generational cycles of yelling, punishing, and raging at our kids.

To get a good grasp of what mindfulness means in the context of this Blink, here’s an exercise you can do. Pick an activity. It can be washing the dishes, going for a walk, taking a bath, or anything else really.

Let’s say you choose washing the dishes. To practice mindfulness, you’re going to slow down your mind. Instead of rushing through the dishes to get it done, begin inhaling and exhaling deeply and intentionally. Listen to the sound of the water. Take note of how it feels running over your hands. Give names to any feelings that arise.

Be mindful of each moment in the process.

And that’s it. You’ve begun training your brain, teaching it to take control of its perceptions. Keep in mind that this is a practice – meaning it is ongoing and requires consistency. This is also the foundation you’re going to build your new, amazing parenting skills on.

You’ve got issues, too.

Your kids aren’t the only ones with issues. And if you want to keep from passing yours on to them, it’s time to understand what triggers you and why.

When your five-year-old laughed maniacally as the vase shattered to the ground, you got mad. Maybe you got scared. Why?

Self-talk is your guide.

Whenever you’re about to admonish yourself, ask, Would you talk to your friends that way? If not, you shouldn’t be talking to yourself that way.

For most parents, the inner voice is critical and focused on blame and shame. The problem is, our external actions are directly guided by what we’re cultivating on the inside. That means that we have to do some of the hardest work imaginable – we have to love ourselves.

Feelings are allowed.

Emotions aren’t the enemy. In fact, they often alert us to a danger or an urgent need that should be addressed. Knowing that, it pays to put the spotlight on your emotions. Ignoring them only leads to suffering – and repeating those negative generational cycles.

Unfortunately, the feelings part of the brain doesn’t understand that it’s no longer living in the kind of world where you have to hunt and fight to survive. It still acts as though every threat is a big threat. Because of that, you need to build skills for managing big emotions.

Connection starts with listening.

Assuming you’re calm and ready to deal with a crying child, you’re ready to strengthen your connection with this little person. How? By listening.

The practice of reflective listening means removing judgment and helping your child identify and name their own emotions. Here’s an example.

You matter, too!

Back in section three, the issue of how to prioritize your needs came up. Your needs aren’t more important than those of your kids – but they are just as important.

So take a moment, and make a list of your needs. These might include sleep, affection, time with friends, a vase that isn’t broken, or any number of other things. Your daily practice should involve taking care of your needs not just for yourself, but as a way to model this behavior for your kids.

Conflict is normal.

Wherever there are two people living or working together, there will be conflict. Conflict is simply an event where two people have needs that they feel are unmet or are going to be unmet.

First of all, there’s no need to feel bad or guilty about conflict. You shouldn’t punish any of the feelings that arise because of it. Instead, put into practice a good strategy for managing these situations.

It’s the little moments.

All of the practices and skills that have been addressed so far are geared toward the ultimate goal of breaking generational cycles and creating strong, healthy, connected relationships in your family. As you build trust and safety through mindfulness and emotional regulation, you can begin to connect in other ways.

Make sure to connect through positive physical touch like hugs or safe roughhousing. Playing with your kids is an important way to connect. It doesn’t have to take a lot of time out of your day – even 10 or 15 minutes are enough.

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What is Raising Good Humans about?

Raising Good Humans (2019) is a mindful parenting guide that teaches you how to stop yelling and get grounded. It features healthy practices that can help you break generational cycles and be a better parent.

Raising Good Humans Review

Raising Good Humans (2020) is a valuable read for parents and caregivers who want to raise emotionally intelligent children. Here's why this book is worth reading:

Practical advice: It provides actionable strategies to help navigate difficult parenting situations and foster strong relationships with children.
Scientifically informed: With evidence-based research and expert insights, the book offers a balanced approach to understanding child development and behavior.
Engaging and relatable: Through relatable anecdotes and real-life examples, it keeps readers engaged and ensures that the content is relatable and applicable to their lives.

Who should read Raising Good Humans?

Parents who want to stop yelling
Teachers and parents who need better conflict management strategies
Caregivers interested in personal development

About the Author

Hunter Clarke-Fields is the “Mindful Mama Mentor” on a mission to end negative generational patterns. Combining her 20 years of experience in meditation and yoga with her personal journey as a mom, Clarke-Fields guides parents toward taking control over their reactionary behavior to become skillful in their caregiving role.

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