Powerful ideas from top nonfiction
Try Blinkist to get the key ideas from 7,500+ bestselling nonfiction titles and podcasts. Listen or read in just 15 minutes.
Start your free trial
Blink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
Listen to the Intro
The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure summary
Jeff Billings
How to Stop Being Jealous of Your Partner's Past in 12 Steps
13 mins
Brief summary
The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure by Jeff Billings offers a comprehensive guide to help individuals overcome their jealousy and anxiety related to past relationships. Through practical advice and personal stories, it aims to help readers create a more fulfilling present and future.
Table of Contents
The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure
Summary of 3 key ideas
Audio & text in the Blinkist app
Key idea 1 of 3
Retroactive jealousy 101
Have you ever seen ducks fight? If so, you’ll know it can be an explosive affair – all feathers, splashing, and squawking. Then, just as quickly as it began, it ends. The two creatures calmly swim off into the sunset like nothing ever happened.
Billings believes humans could learn a lot from these interactions. Where ducks shake altercations off like water from their backs, we have an impossibly hard time letting all sorts of things go. Retroactive jealousy is the term for applying this obsessive holding on to our partner’s romantic or sexual history.
Right from the get-go, it’s important to highlight that this isn’t personal. Retroactive jealousy has its roots in our species’ survival and evolution, so don’t beat yourself up for succumbing to it. You aren’t the first – and certainly won’t be the last!
We’re hardwired to be alert to signs of infidelity. Evolutionarily, a man’s infidelity could mean leaving mother and child to fend for themselves – not a great position for females in prehistoric times. A woman’s infidelity, on the other hand, could result in the father raising a child that wasn’t his – equally undesirable in the eyes of Neanderthal men.
All this to say, retroactive jealousy isn’t entirely on you. Yes, there are things you can do to free yourself from its bind, but the condition itself is totally understandable.
The actual sensation of retroactive jealousy can be difficult for people to define. It often feels like a melting pot of mixed emotions. And because it’s not something commonly talked about, it can easily remain a nebulous entity burning away in our bellies.
The good news is that, in reality, there are just two primary emotions behind retroactive jealousy: fear and judgment. To paraphrase Yoda, naming something is the first step in banishing it – in fact, this clarity alone is at least half the battle.
Ironically, the fear experienced in this condition isn’t actually about your partner’s past – it’s about what your partner’s past might represent for the future. For instance, unless you have compelling evidence to suggest someone has recently reentered their life, you probably don’t feel threatened by these individuals. What does feel threatening is that your significant other has had romantic partners or sex buddies previously, which means they could again.
Judgment is the second driving emotion behind retroactive jealousy. Broadly speaking, it’s divided into two camps: judgment toward past partners or judgment toward past sexual activities. Women tend to fall into the former camp and men into the latter, but it’s entirely possible to oscillate between the two or feel both simultaneously.
What’s tricky is that judgment about your partner’s past can quickly lead to judging them as a person today. This can even spiral into judgment toward yourself for entering into a relationship with such a “questionable” individual. Hopefully it goes without saying, but judgment – whether directed toward your partner or yourself – isn’t a solid foundation on which to build a thriving relationship.
So, how can we turn this new understanding into action – and results? Don’t worry, that’s where we’re heading next. To return to Yoda’s advice, basic knowledge of your opponent is crucial. But fortunately, no grueling Jedi training is required here!
Want to see all full key ideas from The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure?
Key ideas in The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure
More knowledge in less time
Read or listen
Get the key ideas from nonfiction bestsellers in minutes, not hours.
Find your next read
Get book lists curated by experts and personalized recommendations.
Shortcasts New
We’ve teamed up with podcast creators to bring you key insights from podcasts.
What is The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure about?
The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure (2017) is a guide to overcoming any jealousy about your partner’s romantic and sexual past. It introduces what retroactive jealousy is, the mindset shifts needed to get past it, and actionable changes you can make today.
The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure Review
The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure (2020) by Jeff Billings is an essential read for anyone struggling with jealousy in their relationship. Here's why this book stands out:
- With its practical strategies and effective exercises, it provides a clear roadmap for overcoming retroactive jealousy and building trust within a relationship.
- The book offers real-life examples and relatable stories, helping readers to understand and relate to the challenges they may be facing.
- Filled with insightful advice and actionable steps, this book keeps readers engaged, making the journey towards healing jealousy a compelling and rewarding one.
Who should read The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure?
- Individuals in new relationships
- Long-term partners who still feel uncomfortable about their significant other’s past
- Anyone who’s (considering) diving into the dating world
Categories with The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure
Book summaries like The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure
People ❤️ Blinkist
Sven O.
It's highly addictive to get core insights on personally relevant topics without repetition or triviality. Added to that the apps ability to suggest kindred interests opens up a foundation of knowledge.
Thi Viet Quynh N.
Great app. Good selection of book summaries you can read or listen to while commuting. Instead of scrolling through your social media news feed, this is a much better way to spend your spare time in my opinion.
Jonathan A.
Life changing. The concept of being able to grasp a book's main point in such a short time truly opens multiple opportunities to grow every area of your life at a faster rate.
Renee D.
Great app. Addicting. Perfect for wait times, morning coffee, evening before bed. Extremely well written, thorough, easy to use.
People also liked these summaries
4.8 Stars
Average ratings on iOS and Google Play
34 Million
Downloads on all platforms
10+ years
Experience igniting personal growth
The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure FAQs
What is the main message of The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure?
The main message of The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure is how to overcome jealousy and build a healthier relationship.
How long does it take to read The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure?
The reading time for The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure varies depending on the reader's speed. However, the Blinkist summary can be read in just 15 minutes.
Is The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure a good book? Is it worth reading?
The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure is a valuable read for anyone struggling with retroactive jealousy. It offers practical advice and insights to help overcome this issue.
Who is the author of The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure?
The author of The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure is Jeff Billings.
What to read after The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure?
If you're wondering what to read next after The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure, here are some recommendations we suggest:
- Existential Kink by Carolyn Elliott
- Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel
- Creativity, Inc. by Ed Catmull with Amy Wallace
- The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory by Dedeker Winston
- How to Think More About Sex by Alain de Botton
- Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
- The All-or-Nothing Marriage by Eli J. Finkel
- The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey
- Lost and Founder by Rand Fishkin
- The Overthinking In Relationships Fix by Rodney Noble