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Blink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
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Smitten summary
Tom Bellamy
Romantic Obsession, the Neuroscience of Limerence, and How to Make Love Last
21 mins
Brief summary
Smitten explores the enchanting journey of love, revealing its complexities and profound impacts on our lives. Tom Bellamy's narrative intertwines romance, personal growth, and the universal quest for meaningful connections.
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Smitten
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Key idea 1 of 6
Understanding limerence
Limerence is more than just a crush. Perhaps the best way to understand this heightened state is as an addiction to another person. That explains the obsessive thinking, the intoxicating highs, and the crushing lows. Being near the object of your affection feels euphoric – like walking on air.
Here’s how one person described their experience of limerence: “After talking to him, I felt so high, so hyped up, that even my fingertips were tingling.”
But the high is fragile. The same person who makes you feel invincible can, with a cool glance or delayed text, send you spiraling into anxiety and shame. Your mood swings wildly, dependent on tiny signs of encouragement or rejection. You find it hard to concentrate, as everyday life is filled with reminders of them.
In limerence parlance, the person we develop strong feelings for is commonly referred to as a “limerent object,” or LO. For instance, “I met my LO at work.” But as odd as this might sound, calling someone a “limerent object” isn’t meant to dehumanize them. Instead, it highlights a psychological truth – in limerence, we don’t see the other person clearly. We idealize, project, and construct a fantasy version that carries our hopes and unmet needs.
What we crave most is reciprocation. More than sex, more than admiration, we hunger for confirmation that the bond is mutual and exclusive.
Crucially, limerence is not the same as mature, mutual love. Real bonding takes time, while limerence is the anxious rush to secure attachment. It often ignites through a mix of spark, hope, and uncertainty. And it can last months or even years, depending on circumstances and personal history.
Yet there’s hope. Limerence may feel magical and overwhelming, but it’s happening in your mind. Once you understand that truth, you can begin to take back control.
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What is Smitten about?
Smitten (2025) explores limerence, the intense form of romantic obsession that can feel more like addiction than love. Blending neuroscience with practical guidance, it explains why limerence takes hold, how it affects the brain, and how greater self-understanding can help you break free from unhealthy patterns and regain control over your emotional life.
Who should read Smitten?
- Self-diagnosed limerents
- Anyone who has ever experienced romantic obsession
- People who want a better understanding of their own brain
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