Name: The Evolution of Desire
Rating: 3.5 (51 reviews)
Author: David M. Buss

What’s in it for me? Understand what drives our mating desires.

What characteristics do you prioritize in a potential partner?

Is it their looks? Maybe a personality that’s compatible with your own? Or perhaps you’re seeking someone who is financially stable?

Even though courtship and customs have changed over the past millennia, the psychology behind our mating strategies has essentially remained the same.

The two main qualities that our ancestors looked for when selecting a mate were the ability to provide resources, and the ability to bear a child. And on a basic level, the same holds true today.

There are many desired traits that lie behind our adaptive strategies for existence; these same strategies consume nearly all of our modern social endeavors.

David Buss’s The Evolution of Desire draws on an in-depth study of over 10,000 people from 37 cultures to explore the psychological aspects of desire. That includes mating preferences, casual sex, what it takes to stay together, and what it takes to break up.

In this brief Blink, we’ll primarily focus on mating preferences through a broad – and very generalized – overview of what people have historically looked for in a mate according to Buss’s findings.

What women want in a mate

Women have long had complex preferences when it comes to choosing mates – preferences that have evolved over time due to changing socioeconomic circumstances.

But let’s start with some basic biology. Women can only reproduce so many times in life, and having a child is a huge commitment that can come with serious consequences. A woman invests her body – along with years of her life – to carry, birth, and nurture just one child.

This makes her extremely valuable to potential mates. But to consider sacrificing her time and her body, women have needed to secure some sort of investment in return – which is often a commitment from her mate.

Centuries ago, it was important for women to have a mate who could ensure their offspring's survivability. This involved both pre-and post-birth factors.

Pre-birth, the health of her potential mate was – and still is – one of the biggest aspects considered. Mating with an unhealthy individual posed a potential threat by exposing the mother and her child to disease. To state the obvious, medicine wasn’t as advanced as it is today, and many children didn’t survive past early childhood. So a mate’s health directly affected the continuation of a bloodline’s reproductive success – the better the genes, the better the chance of survival.

Post-birth factors involved whether the mate was a good provider. Could he provide food and shelter for his family? Would he sacrifice his energy and time into doing so? Finding a reliable provider meant considering multiple characteristics: a man’s physical attributes, social status, athletic skill, emotional stability, and intelligence, among others.

But every woman is unique, and every situation differs. A potential mate who’s extremely valuable to one person might not mean much to another. Some women have focused more on a man’s ability to grow. If he’s reached his peak already, what does he have to offer in the future? Can, and will, he remain committed? Does he have debts or children from previous relationships that will affect his ability to provide?

These preferences weren’t exclusive to Western cultures. They were recognized all across the world, including by cultures that practice polygyny – the practice of having more than one wife.

Many of the same mating preferences have also held true for lesbian women. Throughout history, they’ve looked for good health, kindness, and industriousness in their partners – but have placed a greater importance on honesty and intelligence than heterosexual women.

So how does this psychology of desire relate to modern times, where women can provide for themselves without needing a mate?

Well, Studies show that even when women have access to their own resources and are financially stable, they still prefer a partner who provides some kind of support – whether it’s through money, time, or energy. Human desires are still deeply rooted in our ancestry. We may live in a different environment, but we have the same basic needs and tendencies.

Now it’s time to look at the other end of the spectrum, and analyze the psychology of desire in men.

What men want in a mate

Throughout history, women have often been satisfied with just one mate. But the opposite could be said about men.

Ancestral males knew that they benefited from having more than one mate – it increased their chances of reproductive success. In their eyes, the more women, the better. Some high-status figures even had hundreds of mates.

Changing desires

It’s normal for desires to fluctuate – and they can change within a lifetime, as well as over the course of evolutionary history.

Women’s desirability has historically been linked to their fertility, which is naturally connected to age. As a woman got older, her ability to produce offspring decreased. This made her less desirable in the eyes of potential mates.

Final Summary

Although an increasing number of people are deciding not to have children, our mating desires are deeply rooted in a long evolutionary history that informs how we choose our partners. Men tend to look for nurturing young women to carry their child, while women want a man who can provide the necessary resources for survival. Women don’t need to rely on a man for shelter or food anymore – but they still want someone who offers support.

Über den Autor

David M. Buss is an evolutionary psychologist who studies human sexuality and mating strategies. He has written over 200 scientific articles and several books, including The Dangerous Passion, Evolutionary Psychology, and When Men Behave Badly. He is currently a professor of psychology at the University of Texas, Austin.