Love Worth Making Buchzusammenfassung - das Wichtigste aus Love Worth Making

Einleitung anhören

00:00

Zusammenfassung von Love Worth Making

Name: Love Worth Making
Rating: 4.2 (558 reviews)
Author: Stephen Snyder

Stephen Snyder

How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship

4.2 (558 Bewertungen)

20 Min.

Themen

Achtsames Lieben Dating Sex Ehe

Inhaltsübersicht

Love Worth Making
in 6 Kernaussagen verstehen

Audio & Text in der Blinkist App

Kernaussage 1 von 6

What’s in it for me? Discover how to achieve long-lasting erotic connection in a committed partnership.

We live in unprecedented times when it comes to sex. Porn is everywhere. Knowledge about the latest science of sex is at our fingertips. There’s no shortage of sex advice – from different positions to high-tech sex toys to techniques that would make your grandmother blush.

But has this helped us in our committed sexual relationships? Are we satisfied in bed? Any couple that’s tried and failed to purchase their way to erotic fulfillment would probably say no. That’s because if you’re not emotionally connected to your partner, erotic novelty will wear off fast.

In the following blinks, you’ll find out how to take care of your sexual self within the emotional landscape of a relationship – and have great sex, time after time.

In these blinks, you’ll learn

how simmering helps keep sexual energy alive;
why sexual generosity needs to be balanced by selfishness; and
why it’s important to stand your ground in a relationship.

Reaching true arousal is possible once you’ve learned how to nurture your sexual self.

Many therapists and sex help books will tell you that sex can be summed up as “friction plus fantasy.” But couples who have tried and failed to reignite their desire know that there’s more to it than that. There’s something else that’s missing, something more elusive: the feeling of true arousal.

Three psychological changes happen when we’re aroused. First, we feel captivated, are absorbed, and lose all sense of time. Next, we regress to a more primitive, selfish state of mind. Finally, we feel good about ourselves – like our partners can really see us. Formulas can be quite useless in the pursuit of arousal. But there are certain rules of the heart you can learn to help cultivate the ideal conditions for arousal to thrive.

The key message here is: Reaching true arousal is possible once you’ve learned how to nurture your sexual self.

Rules of the heart need to be understood more than they need to be followed. They exist in a realm of genuine connection and authenticity. Here, you’ll find your sexual self: a highly personal, erotic feeling. It’s marked not by lust, but by gratitude and awe.

The sexual self is very honest, but its vocabulary is mostly limited to “yes” or “no.” Trying to force the sexual self to turn a “no” into a “yes” will pretty much guarantee bad sex.

This is what happened to Carmen, who couldn’t feel anything during sex with her husband Scott. She got aroused when they’d kiss on the couch in the living room. But once they’d moved to the bedroom, she’d become fixated on the worry that there was something “wrong” with her – and mentally shut down.

What most people don’t realize is that they’re responsible for their own arousal. So the author suggested that Carmen do two things to set the mood for herself. First, ask Scott not to try to make her climax – she worried he’d get upset if she didn’t, which pulled her out of the moment. Second, if she felt turned on when they were on the couch, then try staying on the couch.

The next week, Carmen reported that their couch sex was more erotic. But she was still distressed. She confessed that she gave herself orgasms the “wrong way”: in the bathtub, with her clitoris under running water.

The author told her that she wasn’t doing anything wrong. But the belief that she was damaged had garnered a lot of power over the years. For her sexual self to be happy, it needed acceptance. Reassured, Carmen gave herself an orgasm for the first time with her hands a few weeks later. And during sex with Scott, she was able to hold on to her arousal – and finally climax in her husband’s arms.

Sex should never feel like work.

Another rule of the heart is that the sexual self never grows up. It’s vulnerable and selfish; it can’t hide its feelings or pretend. Once we embrace the fact that our sexual selves are like children, we can better understand our sexual dilemmas.

Take a common problem the author often gets from clients. One partner – say, the husband – claims that he doesn’t know how to give his wife pleasure. No matter how hard he tries, his efforts are always met with criticism. Meanwhile, the wife counters that the problem isn’t her sensitivity – it’s his lack of passion.

Women need to feel pursued in order to feel desired.

Plenty of exceptions can be made to any generalization about male or female desire. But the author has found that the erotic differences between men and women still cause lots of problems for straight couples.

When Rob and Melissa were first married, he couldn’t keep his hands off her. But then, he stopped initiating sex. Although Rob claimed he was always ready and willing, Melissa felt like he didn’t want her anymore.

Identifying sex knots gives couples the chance to reconnect and try a new approach.

Many people assume that the male sexual response is automatic. And while it’s true that most men get aroused quickly if they see an attractive body, a man’s erotic feelings are more complicated within the context of a relationship.

David was sent to the author’s office alone by his wife, Gwen. The problem was that, like Rob, he’d stopped initiating sex. But it wasn’t out of cluelessness or protest. Instead, he felt like there was some mysterious force blocking him.

When each partner stands their ground, they can deal with the uncertainty of change in their relationship.

Finally, Gwen met the author without David and provided some background to their story. When they first met, David was brimming with enthusiasm. He always made Gwen feel special. But once they started living together, his attitude toward her shifted from rapt to aloof.

Gwen wondered whether David might have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD. People with this condition have a hard time concentrating on things that aren’t immediately exciting. The next time David visited the author alone, they went through an ADHD checklist. His inattentive symptoms secured the diagnosis.

Erotic feelings return when partners feel deserving of each other’s love.

Sarina and Jo, a lesbian couple in their fifties, had met with the author at the beginning of their relationship, and he’d helped them work through a small problem. Now, many years later, after they’d married and had children, they returned.

They were finally empty nesters – and Sarina had lost all interest in sex.

Du möchtest die gesamte Zusammenfassung von Love Worth Making sehen?

Kernaussagen in Love Worth Making

Mehr Wissen in weniger Zeit

Sachbücher auf den Punkt gebracht

Kernaussagen aus Sachbüchern in ca. 15 Minuten pro Titel lesen & anhören mit den „Blinks”

Zeitsparende Empfehlungen

Titel, die dein Leben bereichern, passend zu deinen Interessen und Zielen

Podcasts in Kurzform ^Neu

Kernaussagen wichtiger Podcasts im Kurzformat mit den neuen „Shortcasts”

Worum geht es in Love Worth Making?

Love Worth Making (2018) is a guide to enhancing sex and intimacy within committed partnerships. Drawing from real-life examples of sex and couples therapy sessions, it shows how both daily life and trauma affect our sexual feelings. It takes an emotional approach to untangling sexual problems and offers ideas on maintaining an erotic climate in a relationship.

Wer Love Worth Making lesen sollte

Partners who love each other but are struggling to keep desire alive
New couples who want to learn how to sustain their sexual relationship
Anyone interested in the emotional side of sexual connection

Über den Autor

Stephen Snyder, MD is a sex and couples therapist, psychiatrist, and writer in New York City. He’s an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mt. Sinai Hospital, and has served as Chairman of the Consumer Book Award Committee for the Society for Sex Therapy and Research (SSTAR). He writes for Psychology Today and the Huffington Post.

Kategorien mit Love Worth Making

Liebe & Sex

Ähnlich wie Love Worth Making

Slow Sex

Diana Richardson

The Path to Fulfilling and Sustainable Sexuality

21 min

4.4

Magnificent Sex

Peggy J. Kleinplatz and A. Dana Ménard

Lessons from Extraordinary Lovers

Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship

The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man

The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

Solving Sexual Problems and Revolutionizing Your Relationship

Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century

The Thinking Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man

How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure

20 min

3.9

Improving Your Relationship For Dummies

Paula Hall

The hands-on, practical guide for couples

The True Teachings of Bruce Lee

In Search of Erotic Intelligence

24 min

4.5

The Man's Guide to Women

John Gottman

Scientifically Proven Secrets from the "Love Lab" About What Women Really Want

Achieving Success at Work and in Life One Conversation at a Time

17 min

3.6

Love More, Fight Less

Gina Senarighi

Communication Skills Every Couple Needs

Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women, Lust, and Infidelity Is Wrong and How the New Science Can Set Us Free

17 min

4.3

The 48 Laws of Power (New Version)

Robert Greene

The secret methods to getting what you want

33 min

4.1

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Stephen R. Covey

Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

23 min

4.7

Getting The Love You Want

The Relationship Cure

John M. Gottman and Joan DeClaire

A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships

The Small Changes That Change Everything

22 min

4.6

Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess

Caroline Leaf

5 Simple, Scientifically Proven Steps to Reduce Anxiety, Stress, and Toxic Thinking

Timeless Stoic and Buddhist philosophy

33 min

4.6

A Short History of Nearly Everything

Bill Bryson

A journey into the most intriguing and intractable questions that science seeks to answer

38 min

4.5

How to Think Like a Philosopher

Peter Cave

Scholars, Dreamers and Sages Who Can Teach Us How to Live

18 min

4.3

The 33 Strategies of War

Robert Greene

A Comprehensive Guide to the Subtle Social Game of Everyday Life

16 min

4.1

Discipline Is Destiny

Ryan Holiday

The Power of Self-Control

18 min

4.7

The Fine Art Of Small Talk

Debra Fine

How To Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills – and Leave a Positive Impression!

19 min

4.1

The Complete Kama Sutra

Vātsyāyana

The First Unabridged Modern Translation of the Classic Indian Text

How to Win at Dating, Marriage, and Sex

23 min

3.0

How to Think More About Sex

Alain de Botton

Sage sex advice from a philosophical polymath

An uncommon guide to rapid fat-loss, incredible sex and becoming superhuman

How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts

24 min

4.4

Love Your Life, Not Theirs

Rachel Cruze

7 Money Habits for Living the Life You Want

15 min

4.4

Thinking, Fast and Slow

Daniel Kahneman

Intuition or deliberation? Where you can (and can't) trust your brain

28 min

4.5

10x Is Easier Than 2x

Dan Sullivan with Benjamin Hardy

How World-Class Entrepreneurs Achieve More by Doing Less

17 min

3.9

Braving the Wilderness

Brené Brown

The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone

One Man’s Obsession With Revenge Turns Into Self-Destruction

How to Boost Cognitive Health, Performance and Power

22 min

4.6

I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t)

Brené Brown

Making the Journey From “What Will People Think?” to “I Am Enough”

15 min

4.4

The Love Prescription

John Gottman & Julie Schwartz Gottman

Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy

18 min

4.6

Every Job Is a Sales Job

Cindy McGovern

How to Use the Art of Selling to Win at Work

The science of magical connections

23 min

4.1

The Bullet Journal Method

Ryder Carroll

Track the Past, Order the Present, Design the Future

Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions

32 min

4.6

Emotional Intelligence

The Four Noble Truths of Love

Susan Piver

Buddhist Wisdom for Modern Relationships

Reclaiming Life from Work

13 min

4.0

The Whole-Brain Child

Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind

15 min

4.5

The Body Keeps the Score

Bessel van der Kolk

Mind, Brain and the Body in the Transformation of Trauma

18 min

4.5

❤️ für Blinkist️️️

Ines S.

Ich bin begeistert. Ich liebe Bücher aber durch zwei kleine Kinder komme ich einfach nicht zum Lesen. Und ja, viele Bücher haben viel bla bla und die Quintessenz ist eigentlich ein Bruchteil.

Genau dafür ist Blinkist total genial! Es wird auf das Wesentliche reduziert, die Blinks sind gut verständlich, gut zusammengefasst und auch hörbar! Das ist super. 80 Euro für ein ganzes Jahr klingt viel, aber dafür unbegrenzt Zugriff auf 3000 Bücher. Und dieses Wissen und die Zeitersparnis ist unbezahlbar.

Ekaterina S.

Extrem empfehlenswert. Statt sinnlos im Facebook zu scrollen höre ich jetzt täglich zwischen 3-4 "Bücher". Bei manchen wird schnelle klar, dass der Kauf unnötig ist, da schon das wichtigste zusammen gefasst wurde..bei anderen macht es Lust doch das Buch selbständig zu lesen. Wirklich toll

Nils S.

Einer der besten, bequemsten und sinnvollsten Apps die auf ein Handy gehören. Jeden morgen 15-20 Minuten für die eigene Weiterbildung/Entwicklung oder Wissen.

Julia P.

Viele tolle Bücher, auf deren Kernaussagen reduziert- präzise und ansprechend zusammengefasst. Endlich habe ich das Gefühl, Zeit für Bücher zu finden, für die ich sonst keine Zeit habe.