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Blink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired
"The Power of Showing Up" by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson emphasizes the importance of being present for your children and building secure attachments with them to help them thrive emotionally and socially. It provides practical tips and insights for parents and caregivers.
Growing up, did you ever notice how your friends’ relationships with their parents were often completely different from your own? They might have been closer, more distant, or even estranged.
These important relationships start forming the day we’re born, and their nature depends greatly on the care we receive in those early days and throughout childhood.
Children who have their needs consistently met have the healthiest bonds with their parents. This is what psychologists call a secure attachment.
Developmental psychologist Mary Ainsworth’s “Infant Strange Situation” test – which examined what happened when caregivers left their babies in a new room alone or with strangers – demonstrated this in the 1960s. Observing the families at home, Ainsworth and her colleagues found that babies whose parents provided sensitivity and consistent care were the most secure. When their parents left the room, these babies showed signs of missing them but were able to continue playing; when parents returned, the babies happily greeted them before returning to their toys.
Unfortunately, some children receive inconsistent care and affection, while others’ needs aren’t met at all. In extreme cases, parents are severely disconnected from their children’s needs. Sometimes they even frighten them or show signs of being frightened themselves, which can be deeply upsetting to a child.
When this happens, children develop forms of insecure attachment that lead to unhealthy behaviors like the suppression of their needs and emotions, general anxiety that persists whether or not their parents are present, or even fear of their parents.
Unfortunately, it can be difficult for children with insecure attachments to move beyond these negative effects; attachment styles follow us into adulthood and influence our relationships with other people, including our children.
Insecurely attached children become adults who are disconnected from their feelings. They feel unsafe in the world and struggle to trust and connect with others, making it hard for them to have healthy and supportive relationships with their own children.
Children who are securely attached, on the other hand, grow up experiencing – and learning to value – good communication. They can manage their emotions and are able to understand themselves and others, making connecting with their children far easier.
People aren’t destined to be bad parents because of how they were raised, though – you can learn secure attachment later in life. To do this, you need to reflect on your childhood, with the help of a therapist if necessary, and acknowledge the negative effects it had on you. Only then can you take steps to heal and start creating an environment in which you can develop secure bonds with your children.
The Power of Showing Up (2020) is a guide to doing one of the most essential things when it comes to raising well-adjusted children – being fully present for them. From providing a safe haven to helping cope with life’s hurdles, parents and caregivers can learn how to build strong bonds with their children that will encourage them to feel confident and secure as they step out into the world.
The Power of Showing Up (2020) is an insightful book that highlights the importance of consistent, meaningful connection in raising children. Here's why this book is worth reading:
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Try Blinkist to get the key ideas from 7,500+ bestselling nonfiction titles and podcasts. Listen or read in just 15 minutes.
Get startedBlink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
What is the main message of The Power of Showing Up?
The main message of The Power of Showing Up is that being present and emotionally available for our loved ones is crucial for their well-being.
How long does it take to read The Power of Showing Up?
The reading time for The Power of Showing Up varies depending on the reader's speed. However, the Blinkist summary can be read in about 15 minutes.
Is The Power of Showing Up a good book? Is it worth reading?
The Power of Showing Up is a valuable read for anyone interested in building strong relationships. It provides insights and practical strategies to help us connect with our loved ones.
Who is the author of The Power of Showing Up?
The authors of The Power of Showing Up are Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson.