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13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don't Do summary

Name: 13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don't Do
Rating: 3.8 (16 reviews)
Author: Amy Morin

Amy Morin

Own Your Power, Channel Your Confidence, and Find Your Authentic Voice for a Life of Meaning and Joy

3.8 (16 ratings)

21 mins

Brief summary

13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don't Do empowers women by identifying behaviors that hinder mental strength. Amy Morin offers practical advice for recognizing self-destructive habits and building resilience to overcome life's challenges with confidence.

Topics

Career Progress Self-Help Inspiration Confidence Success

Table of Contents

13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don't Do
Summary of 13 key ideas

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Key idea 1 of 13

What’s in it for me? 13 things mentally strong women never do.

Mindfulness, meditation, exercise… the list of things you’re told you should do to build mental resilience can feel endless – and, frankly, overwhelming. But what if building mental strength isn’t about cramming yoga classes or journaling into an already packed schedule? What if the real secret lies in identifying and letting go of the things you shouldn’t be doing instead?

In 13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don’t Do, Amy Morin flips the script on self-help. Instead of piling on more habits and routines, she shines a light on the toxic behaviors and mindsets that might be sabotaging your growth. Whether it’s overthinking, comparing yourself to others, or trying to please everyone, Morin helps to recognize these patterns and take actionable steps to release them.

In this Blink, we’ll explore the 13 things you should stop doing if you want to be a mentally strong woman. So if you’re ready to say goodbye to self-doubt and hello to clarity, strength, and joy, then you’re in the right place.

Mentally strong women don’t compare themselves

Does this sound familiar? You spend time with your health-fanatic friend, and come away feeling lazy and out of shape. Or maybe your marriage hits a rough patch, but you console yourself by comparing it to a friend’s perpetually single life. Whether you’re making positive or negative comparisons, falling into the comparison trap can wreak havoc on your mental wellbeing. The good news? You can break free.And here's how:

First, pay attention to when you compare yourself to others and make a conscious effort to reframe those thoughts. If you feel you’re falling short compared to those around you, focus on strengths that are unique to you.

Second, address your discomfort directly. If you constantly compare your relationship to others, for example, it might be a sign that your partnership needs attention. Use this realization as an opportunity to improve your connection with your partner.

Finally, limit your social media consumption. Yes, we’ve all heard that social media is just a “highlight reel,” but the constant exposure to curated, picture-perfect moments can make comparisons feel unavoidable. To truly reset, you need to do a full social media detox. Put the phone down. Even a week away from your social media accounts is enough to recenter yourself in the joys of your own life.

Mentally strong women aren’t perfectionists

Working. Parenting. Being a sister, partner, friend. Having (dare we say it?) a life. Can women really do it all?

Of course we can.

Mentally strong women aren’t afraid to be vulnerable

A woman who cries is viewed as “weak”; women who go back to the workplace within weeks of birthing a child are celebrated as “strong”. It’s not that hard to see why many women are afraid to let their guard down, or make themselves vulnerable. But owning your vulnerability is crucial to maintaining mental strength.

Thankfully, vulnerability is a skill that can be practiced. Start small. Identify what holds you back from being vulnerable: are you afraid of being rejected? Embarrassed? Then choose a few people close to you that you’re ready to be vulnerable with. A close friend or partner works best.

Mentally strong women don’t give in to self doubt

A study in the journal Science showed that, by age six, girls believe men are more intelligent and more talented than women. No wonder women struggle with self doubt. Self doubt engenders discomfort with anxiety, a greater need for others approval, and a tendency to procrastinate.

It’s also a self-fulfilling prophecy. Take a woman who doubts her ability to make conversation on dates. Her doubt makes her anxious, which makes her conversationally awkward, which creates a feedback loop reinforcing her belief that she’s a bad conversationalist.

Mentally strong women don’t overthink it

Are you an overthinker? If so, you’re in good company. Studies using brain imaging reveal that women’s brains are significantly more active than men’s, particularly in areas associated with empathy and anxiety. While this heightened activity has its benefits, it can also lead to overthinking and mental exhaustion.

Turn down the volume on your overactive brain with two simple strategies.

Mentally strong women don’t avoid challenges

Why leave your comfort zone? Because as nice as it feels – after all, it’s called a comfort zone for a reason – real growth happens in discomfort.

Let’s take the discomfort of salary negotiation. When a job advert mentions that salary is negotiable, women are just as likely to negotiate their starting salary as men are. When a salary is not listed as negotiable, however, women are far less likely than men to broach a negotiation.

Mentally strong women don’t follow the rules

When you’re raised to be a “good girl”, it can feel scary to go against the grain. But imagine where we’d be if women had always followed the rules? After all, we have rule-breakers like Susan B. Anthony to thank for winning us the right to vote.

More often than not it's the unwritten rules that hold us back: rules about how women are expected to behave, in romance, at the workplace, and as parents. Get analytical with yourself. What unwritten rules are holding you back? Maybe you’re a working mom feeling pressured to spend more time at home with the kids. Maybe you’re waiting for a cute friend to ask you on a date, because you’ve internalized the expectation that men should make the first move.

Mentally strong women don’t blame themselves

Accountability is good. Toxic self-blame? Not so much.

In scenarios where you tend to self-blame, it’s helpful to pause and ask a few tough questions.

Mentally strong women don’t stay silent

Imagine this: you walk into your office, wearing a neutral expression, and your boss, an older man, says “You’d look so much prettier if you smiled!”

How do you respond? Do you, A.) call him out on his casual sexism? Or, B.) stay silent?

Mentally strong women don’t hesitate to reinvent themselves

Meet Sally. She’s recently retired, the kids have left home, and she’s trying to figure out what’s next. She’s thought about going on a meditation retreat, but it’s “not really her”. Gardening could be fun, but she’s convinced she’s “no green thumb.” Her husband has taken up kayaking and keeps encouraging her to join him, but she brushes it off – “he’s always been the sporty one.”

Life shifts. Things happen. Circumstances change. You won’t be the same woman at 65 as you were at 25. Yet so many of us, Sally included, act as though our personalities, preferences, interests, and abilities are fixed. Reinvention is scary. But holding onto an outdated or inaccurate view of the type of person you were can stop you from meeting yourself where you are.

Mentally strong women don’t put other women down

Whether they’re aiming for the boardroom or public office, it’s difficult for women to reach the top of their fields. But even though the patriarchy makes it hard enough for women to succeed, sometimes we compound the problem by putting other women down to make ourselves look better.

Ever heard of the “crab mentality”? When you put crabs in a bucket you don’t need to put a lid on: as soon as one crab starts to make it to the top, the others pull it back down again. Here’s the thing: if you’ve adopted the crab mentality, you’re not just holding other women back. You’re holding yourself back, too.

Mentally strong women don’t take rejection personally

Rejection is a fact of life. Mentally strong women don’t take it personally. And while rejection can come in many forms – like losing out on a job offer, or getting turned down for a second date – the person who rejects you the most is probably you.

If you engage in limiting self-talk, you might be rejecting opportunities before they even present themselves. This can take the form of all-or-nothing thinking, such as “I’m bad at math” or “I have poor people skills,” or overgeneralizing, like deciding you’re a terrible dancer after just one failed salsa lesson. Becoming aware of these cognitive distortions is the first step to addressing them and ensuring they don’t hold you back.

Mentally strong women don’t downplay their success

Failure is hard. But for many women, success can feel just as challenging. Do you feel unworthy of your accomplishments? Do you struggle to recognize your skills and talents? Do you sense that others will like you less if you appear ambitious and successful?

Chances are, you nodded yes to at least one of those questions. If that’s the case, here’s something important to understand: women who don’t embrace their success often find it hard to feel at ease with their achievements. This discomfort can hold them back from reaching their full potential.

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What is 13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don't Do about?

13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don’t Do (2018) is a snappy, straight-to-the-point guidebook aimed at women who are ready to stop holding themselves back. It’s filled with practical strategies for building mental toughness through rejecting perfectionism, breaking free from gender roles, resisting guilt, and overcoming societal expectations.

Who should read 13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don't Do?

Working women ready to break through the glass ceiling
Busy moms ready to put themselves first
Retired women ready to shape a new life chapter

About the Author

Amy Morin is a psychotherapist, clinical social worker, and bestselling author known for her work on building mental toughness. Her breakthrough book, 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do, along with her other titles since, has helped countless readers develop resilience and emotional strength. Beyond her writing, Morin is also a sought-after TEDx speaker, with widely viewed talks such as “The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong.”

Categories with 13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don't Do

Career & Success Communication Skills Personal Development Motivation & Inspiration

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