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Zusammenfassung von What We Say Matters

Name: What We Say Matters
Rating: 4.2 (130 reviews)
Author: Judith Hanson Lasater and Ike K. Lasater

Judith Hanson Lasater and Ike K. Lasater

Practicing Nonviolent Communication

4.2 (130 Bewertungen)

15 Min.

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What’s in it for me? Learn how to engage in nonviolent communication.

The words we speak establish our relationships with others and ourselves. Words can build trust and can express sincerity, appreciation and courtesy, but words can also sow the seeds of discord.

Sometimes, when we talk with our partners, family, colleagues or friends, we choose words that hurt other people’s feelings. We might not intend to be mean, but it’s the manner in which we express ourselves that causes resentment. So how can we communicate honestly without hurting other people’s feelings? The answer can be found in nonviolent communication, or NVC.

In these blinks, you’ll find out what nonviolent communication entails, how you can practice it and how it will positively affect your relationships.

You’ll also learn,

how to tell your housemate to clean the dishes;
why making requests can be like offering gifts; and
how you can best talk to yourself.

Speaking truthfully and without harming others increases the well-being of everyone involved.

Humans love to talk, and speaking is one of the fundamental aspects of our everyday lives. But while we do it just about all the time, this simple action still has profound effects on our well-being and the world around us.

The way we speak reflects how we view ourselves, as well as our opinions of others. For instance, if you say to yourself that you’re a good person, you’ll begin to act the way a “good” person acts and others will treat you as such. In turn, this will reinforce your sense of self-worth.

The way we speak also affects the way our discussions unfold. Just imagine coming home from work and finding that your housemate left the kitchen full of dirty dishes. In such a situation, you might feel frustrated and want to communicate it to your roommate.

But instead of calmly stating your feelings, you yell, “You’re so messy, you don’t give a damn about the house!” This reaction will likely just upset your housemate as well; instead of communicating clearly about the issue, you both end up angry and argumentative.

So, how can you approach such situations to maximize your well-being as well as that of the other person?

By using right speech, that is, language that’s truthful but not harmful. This type of speech is recommended in Buddhist texts, namely the Yoga Sutra. It’s described as respecting the practice of “satya” or “truth” and the practice of “ahimsa” or “non-harming.”

Right speech is a way of speaking that strives to attend to all people’s needs. To do so, it suggests that our words reflect the true state of ourselves and the world, while avoiding doing harm to others.

Unfortunately, that’s easier said than done. To get started using right speech, you’ll need another tool: nonviolent communication or NVC. You’ll learn all about it, including a better way to communicate your frustration to your housemate, in the following blinks.

Nonviolent communication allows you to speak in an honest, nonjudgmental way.

You now know that right speech is a way to communicate truthfully without hurting others and that nonviolent communication is a tool to help you use it. The next step is to put this into practice.

NVC was first developed by the American psychologist Marshall Rosenberg in the 1960s. Rosenberg’s intention was to help people resolve conflicts and differences in a peaceful manner.

Practice expressing yourself honestly, empathetically and openly.

A major aspect of nonviolent communication is choosing the correct language. But speaking the right words isn’t enough; to truly engage in nonviolent communication, you also need to connect to yourself, to others and to what you’re saying.

To do so, it’s essential to uncover your feelings, as well as your needs, and express both honestly. So, before speaking, give yourself some silent self-empathy. Take the time to determine exactly how you feel and which of your needs aren’t being met.

Focusing on your needs and empathizing with others can help you overcome and avoid unpleasant feelings.

Judgment and anger can often prevent people from communicating truthfully without harming others. But despite such fears of judgment, you can help yourself meet your needs, and the first step is to understand how this fear affects you.

Sometimes, a fear of judgment causes people to agree to things that don’t meet their needs. For instance, you might eat a cookie that a friend offers you even though you’re stuffed, just because you don’t want to seem ungrateful.

NVC can transform our relationships with our loved ones.

Certain people, like our partners and children, occupy a particularly special place in our hearts – but communicating with the ones we love can sometimes be the most difficult dynamic of all. So, how can we use nonviolent communication to connect with those closest to us?

For starters, we can consider sharing our feelings and needs as a form of gift-giving. This change in perspective can be powerful in a society encumbered by misconceptions that deter us from honestly communicating with our partners and other loved ones.

You can use nonviolent communication in the workplace, with yourself and to improve the world.

The great thing about nonviolent communication is that you can apply it to just about anything. You can even use it to improve your work environment, although it can be difficult to do so.

After all, you might worry that being honest about your feelings in the office could lead to a loss of status or respect from your coworkers. While this fear is common, nonviolent communication at work is not only possible, it can be hugely beneficial.

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Worum geht es in What We Say Matters?

What We Say Matters (2009) is a guide to communicating with compassion, openness and honesty. These blinks explain how to connect with your needs, as well as those of others, while speaking in a way that communicates your feelings clearly without causing suffering.

Bestes Zitat aus What We Say Matters

The techniques of NVC are first and most importantly about inner awareness.

—Judith Hanson Lasater and Ike K. Lasater

Wer What We Say Matters lesen sollte

Anyone who wants to improve their communication skills
People involved in spiritual practice
Readers who are interested in the intricacies of human nature

Über den Autor

Judith Hanson Lasater has been a yoga teacher since 1971 and is also the president of the California Yoga Teachers Association. She has a doctorate in East-West psychology.

Ike K. Lasater is one of the cofounders of Mediate Your Life, a company that teaches people how to handle conflict. He was previously a trial attorney and has served on the mediation panel for the United States District Court for the Northern District of California.

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