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Name: The Truth About Trust
Rating: 4.1 (76 reviews)
Author: David DeSteno

David DeSteno

How It Determines Success in Life, Love, Learning, and More

4.1 (76 ratings)

20 mins

Brief summary

'The Truth About Trust' by David DeSteno explores the intricacies of trust, showing how it impacts our lives and why it's essential in personal and professional relationships. Through research, he reveals how emotions and character can determine our ability to trust and be trusted.

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Confidence Success

Table of Contents

The Truth About Trust
Summary of 9 key ideas

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Key idea 1 of 9

What’s in it for me? Discover how trust is the foundation of all relationships.

You’d be wrong to think that trust only matters in the big moments of life: the weddings, the business deals, the heart operations.

Matters of trust influence practically every aspect of our everyday lives and occupy a huge amount of our mental energies when it comes to learning, romance, business and our behavior on the internet.

In these blinks, you’ll find out about the roots, reasons and risks of trust.

You’ll explore how other species reveal the evolutionary foundations of trust, and read about how monkeys get so upset when their trust is violated that they throw food at their researchers!

You’ll also learn that, counterintuitively, trusting yourself is just as big a gamble as trusting anybody else – and why trusting someone more powerful than you can be a big mistake.

Finally, you’ll discover why the most common cues for identifying untrustworthy people, like shifty eyes, are totally unreliable. Luckily, you’ll learn something crucial about body language that’ll help you make more reliable judgments.

Trust allows people to work together towards greater rewards – but short-term benefits of betrayal are always tempting.

Every day we make decisions based on trust: if a friend wants to borrow $100, do you give it to her? Yes, you like her, but you haven’t known her long – will you ever get your money back? This risk is the whole essence of trust: when you trust someone, you take a gamble that they won’t only indulge their short-term selfish desires, but also think of the long-term relationship you build together.

So why do we trust?

Because, despite being risky, trusting others can bring great rewards.

Trust is necessary to get resources and benefits we can’t obtain on our own. We achieve more by working together than by working alone, which results in financial, physical and social gains.

For instance, we send our kids to school, trusting that someone else will give them a good education so we can focus on earning money.

But we are also hard-wired to be drawn to “selfish” short-term individual rewards.

In fact, our minds are always balancing opportunities for short-term selfish gains, like cheating on a fiancé to have an exciting fling, against longer-term communal ones, like resisting short-term temptation and opting for a less-exciting but loving long-term relationship.

These urges are due to evolution: we have evolved to be reproductively prosperous “winners” – not saints who always do the right thing.

In prehistoric times, the world was filled with dangers, so life expectancy was short, and our ancestors didn’t think much about the long term. This has left us with a penchant for occasionally disregarding long-term relationships in favor of selfish short-term behavior – especially when we know we won’t be caught.

But evolution also exerted another influence: once humans started to live in tribes, they saw the benefits of cooperation. It became clear that those who helped others – who helped those people in return – were better off in the long run because it benefited both parties.

The human mind and body have built-in systems that guide who we trust.

Think of the last time you decided whether to trust someone. Could you feel it in your stomach or in the beating of your heart? There’s a good chance you did, because we feel trust as much in our bodies as in our minds.

That’s because our feelings of trust have a physiological base.

From nearly the moment they’re born, children judge whether an adult is trustworthy or not.

We often think of children as easy to fool, but when it comes to trust, children are a lot less gullible than commonly believed.

In fact, due to their vulnerability, there is a strong evolutionary reason for children to figure out early upon whom they can rely.

Trust is fundamental to fostering long-term romantic relationships.

All types of adult relationships, from friendship to employment, involve some level of mutual dependence. But when love enters the equation, trust takes on a fundamental importance.

From an evolutionary perspective, the trustworthiness of a potential co-parent is more important than that of anyone else.

The more status, power and money we have, the less we trust others – and the less trustworthy we are.

We all need to place our trust in others to obtain what we can’t obtain alone. But what about someone who is completely self-sufficient, who has everything they need, and doesn’t need the support of others?

We’re talking about people with high socioeconomic status – those who have lots of money, power and influence. Research indicates that since they already have most of their needs fulfilled and are less dependent on others, they’re more likely to be selfish.

Contrary to what you might think, you can’t always trust yourself.

If you claim you can always trust yourself to make the right decision, think again.

Actually, trusting yourself is a lot like trusting someone else: you’re placing a bet on what another person, “the future you” is likely to do – and experiments show that the future you rarely acts predictably.

There is no single clear sign, or “golden cue” for trustworthiness – trust signals are complicated and context-dependent.

Shifty eyes are a reliable indicator that a person is lying, right? Actually, contrary to what many people believe, isolated gestures and expressions will tell you nothing about whether a person is trustworthy or not.

To interpret cues about trustworthiness correctly, context is key and, more specifically, two facets of context: configural and situational.

Technology and online social interaction have opened up new ways to manipulate trust – for better and for worse.

No one can deny that technology has radically changed how people interact with each other.

And today we’re using technology to be social just like in real life – but with a twist.

Final Summary

The key message in this book:

Trust is fundamental to all relationships. When we trust someone, we take a gamble that they’ll prioritize the long-term relationship we’ve built together instead of indulging their immediate desires. Despite this risk of betrayal, trust is worth it as it allows people to work together towards the greater rewards that only cooperation can give.

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What is The Truth About Trust about?

The Truth About Trust (2014) not only explores what trust exactly means, but also how it impacts almost every single aspect of our everyday lives. The author’s own extensive research and progressive experiments from the fields of psychology, economics and biology reveal the surprising ways in which trust deeply matters.

The Truth About Trust Review

The Truth About Trust (2014) by David DeSteno, is a thought-provoking exploration of the complex nature of trust and its impact on our lives. Here's why this book is worth reading:

It delves into the science behind trust, revealing fascinating insights about human behavior and our innate ability to trust.
The book provides practical tools to build trust in relationships and navigate the challenges that arise, making it highly relevant and applicable.
Through engaging stories and compelling research, the book keeps readers captivated, ensuring a fulfilling and enlightening reading experience.

Who should read The Truth About Trust?

Anyone interested in the the crucial role trust plays in the psychology of relationships
Anyone who wants to learn how they can better detect another person’s trustworthiness
Anyone wondering about the origins of social emotions like trust

About the Author

Professor David DeSteno directs the Social Emotions Research Group at Northeastern University. He also co-authored Out of Character, a Wall Street Journal psychology bestseller.

Categories with The Truth About Trust

Sex & Relationships Communication Skills Psychology

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