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by Robin Sharma
How a Sexist Society Gets in Your Head - and How to Get It Out
Take Back Your Brain by Kara Loewentheil empowers readers to take control of their mental well-being, challenging societal norms and offering practical techniques to overcome self-doubt, improve decision-making, and cultivate a healthier mindset.
Have you ever heard that nagging Voice in your head? The one that tells you to be likeable and pleasant, that your ideas aren't worth sharing, or that you're not enough of a woman without hitting certain milestones? Even committed feminists aren't immune to this Voice, because it's not actually your own beliefs - it's the mouthpiece of internalized misogyny.
Internalized misogyny refers to the unconscious absorption and perpetuation of sexist attitudes by women against themselves or other women. It's a product of living in a patriarchal society, where we unknowingly internalize harmful gender stereotypes and biases.
Women are often socialized to have "conditional self-esteem," feeling good about themselves only when meeting society's ever-changing, often unrealistic conditions. It's no wonder studies show men typically have higher levels of self-compassion than women. Even awareness of these unfair expectations doesn't shield us from their effects.
Consider this: numerous studies have shown that women consistently underestimate their performance compared to men, even when completing identical tasks. This phenomenon contributes to what we might call the "brain gap" - a disparity in how women and men perceive their own abilities and potential.
To close this brain gap, we need to embrace two core principles:
What you think isn't necessarily true.
You can intentionally change what and how you think.
Our brains start as blank pages, absorbing both explicit and implicit messages from our environment. In a patriarchal society, many of these messages are misogynistic, even when they contradict each other. For instance, mentors might encourage assertiveness, while pop culture glorifies meekness and compliance.
Cognitive behavioral therapy teaches us that our thoughts drive our emotions, which in turn drive our actions. These actions create returns that shape our world, often reinforcing our original thoughts. For example, thinking you have no friends can lead to isolating behavior, which results in having fewer friends, thus emphasizing the initial thought.
To change your world, start by retraining your thoughts. This isn't about toxic positivity or unrealistic affirmations. Instead, it's about weeding out thoughts that hold you back and rewiring your brain with an incremental approach.
Be prepared for resistance and discomfort. Our brains can change their set thought patterns, but they don't always like to! You might experience "limbic friction" - the discomfort and resistance felt when trying to change ingrained thought patterns or behaviors. The limbic system, responsible for emotions and habits, tends to resist changes that feel unfamiliar or threatening.
Rely on self-compassion to overcome these difficulties. Instead of berating yourself for mistakes, approach your thoughts and actions with curious self-compassion. Ask gently: what's happening here?
Start retraining your brain with this simple exercise: Every time you have a self-critical thought, add the phrase "how human of me" to the end. For example, "I yelled at my kids - how human of me" or "I forgot to send that form - how human of me."
Remember, reclaiming your brain from internalized misogyny is a journey. It requires patience, persistence, and above all, compassion for yourself. By challenging the Voice of misogyny in your head, you're not just improving your own life - you're contributing to dismantling the patriarchal structures that perpetuate these harmful thought patterns. So take that first step, and begin closing your own brain gap today.
Take Back Your Brain (2024) explores how patriarchal society programs women's thoughts with self-limiting beliefs, leading to feelings of anxiety, guilt, and shame despite their accomplishments. It offers strategies based on cognitive psychology and feminist theory to help women rewire their thought patterns, overcome internalized misogyny, and unlock their true potential, ultimately transforming their lives and creating new possibilities for themselves and the world.
Take Back Your Brain (2021) by Kara Loewentheil is a practical guide to reclaiming mental clarity and maximizing productivity. Here's why this book is a worthwhile read:
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Try Blinkist to get the key ideas from 7,500+ bestselling nonfiction titles and podcasts. Listen or read in just 15 minutes.
Get startedBlink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
What is the main message of Take Back Your Brain?
The main message of Take Back Your Brain is empowering readers to reclaim control over their thoughts and emotions.
How long does it take to read Take Back Your Brain?
Reading time varies. To read Take Back Your Brain fully, it will take several hours. The Blinkist summary can be read in just a few minutes.
Is Take Back Your Brain a good book? Is it worth reading?
Take Back Your Brain is worth reading for its insightful strategies to master your mindset in a busy world.
Who is the author of Take Back Your Brain?
Kara Loewentheil is the author of Take Back Your Brain.