Asking for It Book Summary - Asking for It Book explained in key points

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Asking for It summary

Name: Asking for It
Rating: 3.9 (16 reviews)
Author: Kate Harding

Kate Harding

The Alarming Rise of Rape Culture – and What We Can Do about It

3.9 (16 ratings)

15 mins

Table of Contents

Asking for It
summarized in 8 key ideas

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Key idea 1 of 8

What’s in it for me? Learn more about the horrifying treatment of rape in our culture.

Can you imagine the outcry if less than 7 percent of murderers were convicted of their crimes? Leading figures in the police would be sacked without hesitation; governments would be pushed from office; the media would hound the justice system until something was done. And rightly so.

But consider this: Shockingly, less than 7 percent of rape incidents result in convictions. The vast majority of those who commit this vile crime go unpunished. And there’s not much outcry from the media about it either.

Why? Well, it’s a result of our culture.

That’s exactly what these blinks seek to illuminate. Drawing from real-life examples, they’ll shed light on a culture in which rape has become not only common, but also an act that is blamed on the victims themselves.

In these blinks, you’ll discover

why it isn’t only women who are victims of gang rape;
how some rape perpetrators get away with portraying themselves as the real victims; and
how many reported rape cases end in an actual trial.

Rape victims are often blamed for their own assault.

Imagine you heard the following statement in court: “Like a spider, she drew him into her web.” What kind of criminal do you think that would describe? A murderer? A con artist? No, an attorney once said this of an 11-year-old girl when he tried to defend the man who had raped her.

Unfortunately, that sort of argument often prevails both in the courtroom and society at large. Victims of rape are often slut-shamed as though they’ve invited the crime on themselves.

In this particular case, which happened in Cleveland, Texas in 2010, the 11-year-old girl wasn’t only raped by one man. She was repeatedly gang raped by several men. The offenders returned to her several times.

You might think this would be a clear-cut case in which the men were quickly convicted. But it wasn’t, because the girl was audacious enough to wear makeup. Even worse, she was Latina.

Tragically, these factors were twisted and used to blame her. And this sort of thinking isn’t limited to defense attorneys.

In rape cases, the perpetrators are often painted as victims. When James McKinley wrote about the Cleveland gang rape in the New York Times, he noted that much of the community was shocked by the case, but not by the tragedy of what happened to the girl. They were shocked that the men had been “seduced” into such behavior. There was a lot of concern about the case affecting the men for the rest of their lives.

Those attitudes might seem absurd, but they didn’t appear in a vacuum. They’re the product of the culture we live in. Rape culture blames victims, exonerates rapists and normalizes sexual abuse.

Women shouldn’t have to give up their freedom in order not to be raped.

From a young age, girls are instructed to undertake a number of precautions to protect themselves from men. “Don’t go out alone at night.” “Don’t talk to strange men you don’t know.” “Don’t wear revealing clothing.” But is it really up to girls and women to stop rape?

A lot of people think it is. In fact, police typically respond to rape by telling women to restrict their movements.

Gang rape is a result of rape culture: the celebration of male virility and the degradation of femininity.

Have you noticed that a class of young students will usually choose one student to pick on? The group strengthens its ties when it unites against an outsider. Unfortunately, these dynamics can take on even worse forms, such as gang rape.

Gang rape serves as a ritual that strengthens bonds between the rapists at the expense of the victim. In 1991, an anthropologist named Peggy Reeves Sanday studied the social aspects of gang rape. She concluded that it’s a way for men to solidify their male identity as distinct from women. It also creates close ties and allows them to gain peer approval.

Police officers contribute to rape culture when they dismiss victims or side with the perpetrators.

Imagine you’re a woman who has just been raped. In order to report it, you have to detail the experience to another male authority figure.

It’s no wonder so many rape victims remain silent. When they do go to the police, the police are sometimes very unhelpful or don’t take rape allegations seriously.

Prosecutors tend to be hesitant to bring rape cases to court.

Have you ever watched a fictional court drama on TV? You know those scenes where a defense attorney shouts at the investigators that nothing can be done without proof? That often happens in rape cases. Rape is a difficult crime to prove.

Only a small fraction of rape cases make it to court. In fact, according to the most recent National Crime Victimization Survey, only 12 percent of perpetrators are arrested after the crime has been committed. Since most incidents go unreported, few rape cases ever make it to a prosecutor’s desk.

Some sectors of the anti-abortion movement have a bizarre way of legitimizing “real” rape.

In the award-winning 2009 film Precious, a 16-year-old girl is repeatedly raped by her father, leading to two unwanted pregnancies. Some anti-abortion movements insist that even a victim in this scenario should not be allowed a termination.

Extremist US Republicans even believe that if a woman gets pregnant, it’s not possible she was raped. They argue that women’s bodies have biological mechanisms that prevent sperm from fertilizing an egg if they don’t want to have a child with a particular partner.

The media and entertainment industry perpetuate rape culture.

There’s a lot of porn on the internet. It’s not unusual for porn clips to have a completely passive female or male partner who seems to be enduring the sexual act, which is arguably a form of rape in itself.

And it’s not only porn that normalizes sexual violence. The mainstream media plays just as important a role.

Lawmakers and progressive media outlets are promoting a new, healthier understanding of consensual sex.

Imagine if a person asked their partner for permission before kissing them, then again before touching them, then again before climbing into bed together. In the current cultural climate, a lot of people might consider that odd or boring. Perhaps it’s just being a good person, however.

Progressive communities are promoting new ideas about sex and consent. They’re moving away from the “no means no” stance previously promoted by feminists and toward a more positive and less defensive focus on “yes.” Both partners need to say yes for the sex to be consensual.

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What is Asking for It about?

Asking for It (2015) is about rape culture, the social and cultural practices that normalize rape by diminishing the experiences of victims and vindicating perpetrators. These blinks outline the various manifestations and effects of rape culture, and the steps we can take to dismantle it.

Best quote from Asking for It

From time immemorial the rule has been not to punish the male offender, but to get the victim out of his way. – Susan B. Anthony, 1896.

—Kate Harding

Who should read Asking for It?

Anyone whose life has been affected by sexual violence
Romantic partners looking to understand more about consensual sex
Policy makers and sex educators

About the Author

Kate Harding is an author and columnist who specializes in issues surrounding violence against women and the cultural negativity regarding women’s bodies. She has contributed to The Book of Jezebel and DAME Magazine and coauthored Lessons from the Fat-o-Sphere.

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